Hard to Love. Joseph Nowinski

how difficult it is, as research has demonstrated repeatedly that men are in fact more reluctant than women to seek help for emotional problems such as anxiety or depression. They also tend to strongly resist their partners’ suggestions that they go for couple’s counseling when their relationships are in crisis. As noted earlier, bouts of “free-floating anxiety” as well as depression are common among men who, as boys, experienced significant abuse, neglect, or rejection. And again, if men are reluctant to admit to and seek help for anxiety, depression, or relationship problems, imagine how resistant they could be to seeking help for a “personality disorder.”

      The unvarnished truth, then, is that men themselves actually contribute to the fact that MBPD is under-diagnosed, by virtue of their reluctance to admit to the exact symptoms that are associated with it, as well as their reluctance to seek help in general, for fear of losing face.

      A Typical Case

      Zack, now twenty-five, had never liked school much and had dropped out at the start of his senior high school year. Back then he’d had a small circle of friends with whom he mostly just hung out and smoked pot. In the summer months they would meet at a secluded clearing in the town park that was well known to other teens as a spot to get high. When the weather turned cold the small group would gravitate toward a detached garage that was adjacent to one of the boys’ homes. According to Zack they did not interact. Rather, they literally just “hung out” together, the cannabis making them feel mellow. None of them did well in school, and only one member of this group actually graduated.