If You're In the Driver's Seat, Why Are You Lost?. Lawana Gladney

about yourself.

      2 Set goals that are realistic and will meet your expectations. For instance, set your goals at a reasonable level so that what you accomplish is equal (or almost equal) to what you set out to accomplish. This can boost your self-confidence and self-satisfaction.

      3 Reward/praise yourself when you have done well.

      4 Whenever something upsetting or disappointing occurs, be aware of your thoughts. Think logically about the situation instead of reacting merely on the basis of your emotions.

      5 Focus on your strengths. Don’t dwell on your weaknesses.

      6 Realize that there are certain things that you are more adept and competent in than others. Acknowledge that it’s impossible to expect perfection in every aspect of your life.

      7 Do not attribute your achievements and accomplishments only to luck. Instead, give yourself credit for achievements that have come as a result of your effort and hard work.

      8 Learn to be assertive. That is, learn to express your feelings, opinions, beliefs, and needs directly, openly, and honestly, while not violating the rights of others. For example, learn to stand up for your rights and say “no” to unreasonable requests.

      FOUR

      Deciding to Go Off-Course

       Facing—and Overcoming—Your Fears

      ERICA LOVED WRITING. From the time that she understood how to put together a sentence, she started writing short stories. Her teachers constantly praised her for her excellent writing skills and her creative ideas. She even worked as one of the editors for the online papers of her high school and college. Unfortunately, her parents viewed writing as more of a hobby than a career, so she majored in marketing. Although she thrived as a marketing representative, Erica couldn’t shake the desire to become a writer. But, every time she thought of pursuing her passion, her fears, doubts, and financial worries would overtake her. Caring for her mother and her current job requirements also didn’t leave much free time to start writing. So, she decided that it would never work and that it was time to retire her pen.

      What Are You Afraid Of?

      How many times has fear stopped you in your tracks? Fear can be a powerful and paralyzing emotion. When we’re presented with danger, our natural reaction is to respond with fear. I call that “real” fear, which means it’s related to a tangible threat to your safety or well-being. Real fear is actually helpful because it alerts you to danger and helps your body decide how to respond. When you’re afraid, your response is either to run from the danger, or fight it. The other type of fear, and one that is far more common, is what I call “imagined” fear and that pertains to feelings of acute anxiety and panic when it comes to dealing with situations that place us outside of our comfort zones but don’t actually pose any physical danger. Both types of fear have real and sometimes lasting consequences on our thoughts, behavior, and ultimately, how you live your life.

      In this chapter, we’ll examine the power of fear, both real and imagined. We’ll also explore the different types of fears that hamper your success. And, you’ll be given strategies that will help you to manage and overcome your fears.

      Real Fear

      Many events can happen to us in life wherein we experience true fear. I have worked with many clients who have experienced unimaginable trauma, such as incest, rape, accidents, illness, abuse, abandonment, abduction, and stalking. Experiences like these can take on a life of their own causing the victim to feel a pervasive sense of anxiety, mistrust, and insecurity long after the stressful event. I can attest to this personally as I experienced a harrowing event in my childhood that enveloped me in fear at a very early age.

      I can remember it like it was yesterday. I was in the fifth grade, and I usually walked with my neighbors to the bus stop. But, because they weren’t ready, I continued on my own so that I wouldn’t miss my bus. I had almost reached the bus stop when a man jumped in front of me holding a broken glass bottle. Terrified, I screamed for help, but he started choking me and carried me into his garage where he put me in a corner amid lawn mowers and junk. I could smell the stench of dirt, oil, and rust as I prayed to God for help. Suddenly, he came at me with a knife, placing it to my throat, while spitting the venomous threat, “I will kill you if you make another sound.” I remember begging, “Please let me see my family again.” He screamed and shouted, “SHUT UP! I already raped a girl and I will kill.” I had heard about the rape a couple of weeks earlier.

      He explained that his plan was to keep me there until my sixth-grade neighbor walked by. He planned to grab her and rape her, because she was more developed than me. It seemed like an eternity as I stood there shaking with fear. I eventually began to hear voices of people nearby. Suddenly the man shouted “Get out of here!” and I ran with superhuman strength into the arms of the people whose voices I had heard who were gathering at the corner. I knew that God had heard my prayers since I escaped without physical harm.