snack times, recesses, extracurricular activities, after-school programs, and weekends with family activities, birthday parties, and sleepovers.
But by the time you hit the magical “teen” years, you probably felt a bit (or greatly) lost for the first time. Maybe you were uncertain about who you were. Maybe your friends were changing. Maybe your parents became annoying and school became a place where you “had” to go. The older you became, the more you experienced the bumps, detours, traffic jams, and road blocks, which came in the form of break-ups, family fallouts, stalls in your career, or unexpected losses. You found that events and circumstances can knock you off your feet and leave you feeling stressed, confused, and lost.
Sometimes those uncomfortable feelings don’t go away easily. Perhaps you still feel lost, or maybe you feel newly lost due to something that has occurred recently in your life. Whether you’re embarking on a career at age twenty-two or are seeing your children off to college at age fifty-two, you need strategies to help you get “unlost.” You need help in mapping out your life’s direction so your path will lead you to the life you want— to what I call “your amazing life.” If You’re In the Driver’s Seat, Why Are You Lost? is here to equip you with these strategies.
The Need for GPS
I’ve used car and trip terminology and analogies throughout the book because the journey of life is similar to the trips that we take each day when we get into our cars. Some trips are easy and uneventful—a direct shot from point A to B, with few complications along the way. Inevitably, however, we have trips that are delayed because of unforeseen circumstances—a detour, traffic, an accident, or faulty navigation. Anyone who has experienced any of these hindrances knows how frustrating they can be, and how they can lead us into feeling stressed out and out of control. Thus, we’ve seen the rapid rise in ubiquity of the Global Positioning System (GPS), which has become a lifesaver for many of us.
Like so many other modern conveniences, the GPS is so helpful that we’ve become dependent on it and can’t imagine what we did before we had a lady talking to us and telling us where to turn in 0.5 miles or how to reroute. Well, I suppose I do remember. We used “cutting edge” technology like MapQuest—just plug in an address and you’d be given the directions to anywhere in the country. All you had to do was to print out twenty pages, keep them in order, and follow them closely while driving, and you’d actually reach your destination. Compared with using a GPS, that’s a lot of work. However, it still beats trying to unfold a large physical map in the car while navigating at the same time! Just think what it once took to just drive across the city to a friend’s house or an appointment. It was like working through a maze. Hopefully you knew where you were going, because if you didn’t, you’d have to find a phone so you could stop to call for directions.
We now live in the high-tech age where trifold maps have largely gone the way of cassette tapes and you don’t have to print out directions, because you can download a navigation app to your phone. Or, even better, you can purchase a GPS to mount in your car or even buy a car that comes equipped with the technology.
Wouldn’t it be great if we had a similarly helpful tool to guide us on a far more important trip: Life? Wouldn’t it be great if this guide would keep us headed in the right direction, help us stay focused on our destination, and help us make sure we can get back on the right route if we get lost? Consider this book your personal GPS, a talking roadmap that will help you navigate from where you are in life right now to exactly where you want to be. Whether you are lost and wandering around without direction, or, if you’ve hit a roadblock, this book will help you understand how to manage your emotions, your stress, your health, and your overall life. If You’re In the Driver’s Seat, Why Are You Lost? is your new GPS for life. It’s here to help you recalibrate and set off in the right direction for you.
The Voice Behind the GPS
As the Emotional Wellness doctor, I have worked with countless people who feel stressed, confused, and lost when “life events” and circumstances knock them off their feet. And, I have been able to provide empowering strategies to help my clients feel more confident and ready to be in the driver’s seat of their lives. I have been fortunate enough to share this advice one on one, as well as through speaking engagements across the country, which has allowed me to share my message of taking control of our own destinies so that we can enjoy life with more than twenty-two million people.
And now I have the opportunity to help you through this book. Think of me as the voice of that nice, helpful lady behind your GPS. My aim with If You’re In the Driver’s Seat, Why Are You Lost? is to guide you through everyday challenges and to help you let go of the things that are emotionally KILLING you—the people, thoughts, words, and regrets of the past—as well as help you build a plan for your future. I have written this book to be your own personal coach that you have access to twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. It’s a practical guide with essential tools that will help you take control of your destiny. It’s loaded with information, tips, and strategies that will help you learn how to tap into the power of your mind; how to control your health; and how to connect to your spirit to live the life you want. Let the advice in these pages inspire, empower, and enrich your mind, body, and spirit. Believe it in your mind, and your heart will feel it, your hands will do it, and your spirit will rejoice in it.
In order to get the most out of this book, you will need to keep a blank notebook by your side and title it, My Journey to an Amazing Life. Always keep it and a pen handy as you read. In each chapter you’ll find a REST STOP and ROADMAP, which feature suggested activities and questions that will help you evaluate your life, change your thoughts, make plans, and execute changes that will ensure that you are driving toward your destiny. Use your notebook to record your thoughts and do those exercises.
Now, buckle up, and get ready for the ride of your life. The ride to your amazing life!
ONE
Help, I’m Lost!
Coping with a Broken GPS, No Maps, and No Directions
YOUR BIG DAY has arrived. You have been waiting for this opportunity to interview for your dream job. The interview is at 11:00 a.m. Your clock goes off at 6:00 a.m. to give you plenty of time to prepare. Although it should only take thirty minutes to get there, you plan to leave at 10:00 a.m. to allow extra time for traffic and other potential delays. You are familiar with the neighborhood where the office is located and have the address memorized. You are set. You start out on the journey to your destination and the trip is going smoothly. The traffic and other drivers are cooperating with you this morning. You are feeling good and very excited about your interview; you even smile and nod at the people in the car beside you.
You are getting close to your destination, but you can’t seem to find the specific street. It was Walnut, wasn’t it? You could have sworn that it was just off Brook Road. As time eases closer to 10:30 a.m., you become a little concerned. Did you pass the street and just weren’t paying attention? As you make a U-turn and go back a few blocks to retrace your route, you begin to get nervous as it starts to seem like the street you are looking for doesn’t exist. The clock is moving toward 10:40 a.m. and your body hits the panic button. You stop at the nearest 7-Eleven and hope that the cashier knows where you are. Unfortunately, he just moved to the city and doesn’t have a clue. You get back in the car and sit there with a racing heart. You were sure you knew where you were going, but you are not where you are supposed to be. You are lost and you only have fifteen minutes to get to the interview. You can hardly breathe as you realize that you are not going to make it. This is your big day, yet somehow you managed to get lost and blow it. You planned for everything, except for completely and utterly losing your way. After all, no one plans to be lost.
Lost in “Life Events”
Webster’s Dictionary defines “lost” as having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, etc. It’s a feeling and emotion that every living and breathing human being—even highly trained doctors like yours truly—has felt at some time or another.
The day I found myself lost, the sun was shining and the temperature