What does it mean to get centered? Whether you’re a working mom or a single woman trying to climb the career ladder in your chosen field, nothing is more important than finding balance. We’ve all heard the phrase “it’s a juggling act,” and let’s face it, sometimes we have so many balls in the air, it makes us dizzy trying to keep our focus on them all. Too often, we come close to not only dropping them, but also toppling over ourselves . . . and giving up altogether.
Getting centered means quieting your mind to attain balance and control—and the busier your life is, the more crucial getting centered is to staying sane. Finding a place from which you have control over your thoughts and emotions is a necessary first step to gaining control over the rest of your life. That’s why this is the first chapter in this book: it’s your foundation and the most important thing you do every day.
We know what you’re probably thinking: “I barely have five minutes in the day to go to the bathroom by myself! How am I supposed to find the time to do something else?”
Whatever your daily struggles are, trust us, we can relate. We are both busy working moms, each raising multiple children, including one with special needs. You’re trying to Keep It All Together, but sometimes the stress can build up to the point where you explode—or implode, and self-destruct. Not a good look for anyone!
When you’re feeling stressed and scattered and pulled in a million different directions, and your to-do list is a mile long, that’s precisely the time to hit the brakes. STOP. Take a deep breath. Find your center.
How do you do that? We certainly don’t have all the answers, but we’ve put together some tips and strategies that have helped us remain centered in our lives—what we’ve learned not only from our own life experiences, but also from some of the top life coaches and experts in the industry.
Dealing with Strong Emotions
When you are centered, you feel more at peace and self-confident. Your body is relaxed, and your mind is clear to make decisions based on what’s best for you and those around you.
Negative emotions like stress and frustration can make a challenging situation worse, preventing you from finding your center and driving you to respond impulsively rather than with intention and control . . . which means you’re more likely to say or do things you otherwise would not.
Having good and bad emotions is completely normal, but expressing and acting on them in an acceptable and beneficial way is a skill that can only be mastered through awareness and practice.
Identify Your Emotions
Throughout the day, as you experience feelings and emotions, try to identify and name them. Ask yourself, “Is the emotion I am feeling positive or negative?”
Pay Attention to Who or What Those Negative Emotions Are Associated With
Try to avoid or limit time with those people or things.
Pay Attention to How Your Body Reacts to Those Emotions
Negative feelings can lead to immediate physiological changes like increased heart rate, perspiration, dry mouth, shallow breathing, hives, and muscle tension, plus—especially over time—health effects like headaches, stomach cramps, ulcers, and numbness in the face and fingers, just to name a few!
Put the Oxygen Mask on Yourself before Helping Others
Women, but especially those of us who are mothers, are often expected to be entirely altruistic, meaning unselfishly devoted to the welfare of others—so much so that they forget about their own needs and desires as they’re dealing with everyone else’s. It’s easy to lose your center when your partner, kids, other family members, boss, friends, kids’ teachers, charity organizations, friends—even your pets—are making demands on your time, each one seeking your full attention. Don’t worry; we’ve all been there. No judgments here. But when life starts to overwhelm you, it’s even more important that you make sure your needs are also taken care of. You can’t take care of others until you take care of yourself!
To Calm Your Emotions, Calm Your Body
It’s hard to think clearly when your body is having a strong physical response. Fortunately, you can often diminish or even eliminate physical responses once you’re aware of them—by carefully focusing on and controlling your breathing or forcing your muscles to relax. Once your body is back under control, it’s easier for your mind to follow.
Respond Thoughtfully, Not Emotionally
Ask yourself these questions:
"This too shall pass."
– King Solomon
“When I’m anxious, it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed, it is because I am living in the past. We crucify ourselves between two thieves: regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.”
—Rev. Run
Consider your options wisely and choose responses that will get you closest to your goals—not the responses that will give you momentary gratification. And if you do decide you want or need to communicate your feelings in the moment, be sure to do so calmly, in a non-threatening way. (Unless, of course, you are on a reality show. In that case, let her rip!)
Getting Centered When Things Are Out of Your Control
When you are faced with a challenge, it’s easy to feel powerless. But the best way to get your head around what you can do—and what you can’t—is to ask yourself: Is this a situation that is out of my control?
If the answer is no, and there’s something you can do to improve the situation, do it! But if the situation legitimately is out of your control, making peace with that—and gaining a clearer awareness of what you can control—can make a big difference in your emotional response.
