Lindsay MDiv Tighe

The Answer - Improve Your Life By Asking Better Questions


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client explained to me why his ideal solution of hiring a full-time personal assistant was impossible. He explained that there was a hierarchy of doctors within the hospital and that only senior doctors had full-time support. Indeed, doctors in more senior positions only warranted part-time and shared assistants, so he considered himself lucky that he did have the shared use of an assistant for one day each week. It was unheard of that anyone at his level would qualify for additional support, and despite his boss being aware of his challenges, no additional help was forthcoming.

      He also explained to me that even if he could justify having a full-time assistant, in the current hierarchy the hospital could not afford the additional costs involved. The hospital was struggling financially because it was publically funded and any expenditure, which he was adamant would not be forthcoming, would need the approval of the CEO. Indeed, he knew of a similar case in the hospital where funding had not been approved.

      I think it’s fair to say that his mind was made up. He was certain that the opportunity to have a full-time assistant was not an option worth considering any further. Therefore, he was ready to move on in our conversation to talk about other ways in which he could manage his time more effectively.

      I had a choice at this point – did I let him go on to explore other options or did I challenge what he had just shared with me in case there was a flaw in his argument? Most people would take the easier option of not challenging – particularly as they might fear how the other person would react if they did challenge. However, I know that most often the best gift I can give to people is to help them to consider another perspective or possibility. This would open up more options, so I decided that I would challenge my client.

      I went on to acknowledge and summarise what he had said to me and then I asked a powerful question: “If you believed it was possible to get yourself a full-time assistant, what would you do?” His immediate response was to advise me that it wasn’t possible. I acknowledged that I knew that he had said it wasn’t possible, but if for some reason it was, what would he do?

      His response was immediate and he explained to me how he would approach asking for an assistant. First, he would take some time to analyse how much time he was spending on his current tasks. In particular, he would pay attention to all the ‘wasted’ time on administrative duties that an assistant could easily manage. He would then endeavour to carefully cost each of these tasks. He could then use this information in a proposed business case. He went on to describe how he would also think about all the lost opportunities that were evident with the current arrangement – particularly in the field of medical research. He was confident that he could achieve much more in this field, which would not only help medical science, and potentially patients around the world, but would also bring enormous benefit to the hospital in terms of kudos and, eventually, financial gain.

      As he spoke to me, it was clear that he was becoming excited about the possibility of what action he might take in order to be given a full-time assistant. However, after sharing these insights he added that there was no point thinking about all of this because it wasn’t going to happen. Again, I had the choice of letting it go, or continuing with my challenge. I chose the latter. I assured him that I understood that he didn’t think it would happen, but again asked him if there was a possibility of it happening, what action would he take?

      His response was to reiterate what he’d said previously, but this time he added that he would build the best business case possible and would then present it to the CEO. He considered that he had a good relationship with the CEO and that the worst-case scenario was that the answer would be ‘no’. The more he talked, the more excited he became about the prospect of building the business case, and he became confident that it would be difficult for anyone to disregard his arguments.

      By the conclusion of our conversation, it became clear that he wanted to try to secure a full-time assistant. He decided that he had nothing to lose and lots to gain, and of all the options, he knew that this was the one that would achieve the outcome he was hoping for. I left him tasked with the action to build his business case and to organise a meeting with the CEO and we agreed to meet again in about three weeks time. I asked him to contact me if I could support him further, but my feelings were that he knew exactly what he wanted, and how to be successful in achieving the desired outcome.

      As agreed, I revisited my client three weeks later. A new desk was outside his office door, and a technician was working on the installation of a PC. As I entered his office my client invited me to sit down and immediately advised me that I wouldn’t believe what I was about to hear. He said that he had taken all of the actions that he had agreed to undertake and had met with the CEO during the previous week. During this meeting, the CEO had been so impressed with his business case that she immediately agreed to his request for a full-time assistant. In fact, the CEO was so understanding of his plight that she agreed to appoint someone temporarily into the role whilst he undertook a search to find a suitable candidate. My client sat back in quiet contentment, but also with a sense of disbelief at what had been achieved. He thanked me for helping him to achieve something that he didn’t think was possible.

      As I share this story with you, I am filled with a sense of pride in my client for being prepared to be open to challenge, and to successfully do something that he thought was impossible. In addition, I am in awe of the power of questions. Not once did I tell my client what to do or that he was wrong – instead, I used a questioning approach to our conversation that allowed him to gain new insights that meant he could move forward and take action to achieve the changes he wanted.

      I trust that you are starting to see that questions can be amazingly powerful in helping to make us more resourceful and to tap into our own wisdom and knowledge, and in finding better answers!

CHAPTER SUMMARY
Giving people advice does not allow others to access their own wisdom.
We naiively assume others know better than we do.
The world would be a better place if more people tapped into their own innate wisdom.
Powerful questions can challenge you to achieve things you didn’t think were possible, with amazing results!

      CHAPTER TWO

      Why change?

      One who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; one who does not ask a question remains a fool forever. Chinese proverb

      You are unique and you know yourself better than anyone else can possibly know you. Despite this, in my experience most of us do not tap into our inner awareness and knowledge, preferring to rely on the opinions and judgments of others.

      Asking for advice or opinions can become the norm. We can develop an habitual response and a dependency on others to be there to help us work our way through life’s challenges. In fact, often we rely on certain people as being the fountain of all knowledge and unconsciously turn to them whenever we need help.

      I’m not saying that there is no validity in seeking advice from others; indeed there are many occasions when this is a great option and we become wiser and more knowledgeable as a result. There are times when we really don’t know the answer and need expertise and valid input in order for us to make an informed decision. However, many of us have a tendency to use this as our first option when looking for answers when, in many instances, there is another option readily available to each and every one of us – ourselves!

      Let’s explore what can happen when we involve others in our decision-making. Sometimes when we turn to others we are looking for a ‘good listener’ to enable us to verbalise our thoughts and to work through an issue so that we can find an answer. In my experience,