she’s not exactly sure how to do it herself, or maybe this is just her way.”
“So you reckon I should make her day?” I asked, staring at her. It was so odd to be having a conversation like this with my sister. Normally these topics were reserved for male ears only, but now that it was happening, I appreciated the other point of view.
“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I guess it’s your choice, but you should probably be quick about it, before she moves on too.”
“Thanks,” I said, patting her on the back and standing up. “I think I’ll go to bed. Perhaps you should too.”
“Soon,” she said. “I think I’ll wait up for the others, just in case.”
“Good thinking,” I said. “See you later then.”
Upstairs in my room, I changed out of my best clothes and into my pyjamas, then sat down on my bed, my mind racing with everything that had happened during the evening. It looked as though Peter and James were both taken now, although I’d have to wait to ask Peter about that when he came home. I also thought Natalie was probably off the market, taken by the guy I had once had no problem with, though I’d known he felt the same as I did about her. Marc had rejected my sister and probably hit it off with Amelia, and worst of all, I’d helped him do it … Of everything else that had happened, that was one of the worst things about the night. Nicole did not deserve that.
I had been lying in bed for nearly an hour, unable to sleep, when the door opened and Peter slipped inside. He looked over at me and, apparently deciding I was asleep, proceeded to change into something more comfortable. Only when he’d put his clothes away and was about to get into bed did I speak to him.
“What took you so long?”
“Oh!” He jumped and looked around. “Did I wake you? Sorry mate.”
“It’s okay, I was already awake,” I said, glancing at him but not sitting up.
I was unsure how I felt about Peter at that moment. I knew I ought not to have any bad feelings against him, but I did; he’d abandoned me when I needed support most, going off to dance with another chick while my love life was in turmoil, and had probably been with Kylie in the bushes the whole time I was at home comforting Nicole and then lying awake in bed. He seemed to have no idea how both of his siblings were falling apart.
“It wasn’t a bad party, really,” said Peter. “Don’t worry, we all got back okay. Felicity and Jessica were a bit behind me, but I know they were okay.”
Something about the tone of his voice told me clearly that something was going on in his mind and troubling him. I waited for him to say it. He hesitated for a moment, then, apparently wanting to settle the matter, said, “Did you see Tommy—”
“Yeah,” I said shortly.
Peter had been with me when Tommy had asked Natalie to dance, but it apparently become clear to both of us that they’d then been together the whole night.
“Was James okay with you?” I asked in a would-be casual voice.
“James?” asked Peter, clearly confused. “Why wouldn’t he—oh…”
He seemed to realise what I was getting at. James had seemed fine with the idea that Kylie was interested in someone else, but would he feel the same if he actually saw it? I saw Peter’s shadow shrug and he said, “I think so. I’m not sure how much he saw—”
“Believe me, he would have seen; it was hard not to,” I said, bitterness now clear in my voice. I didn't like it, but I seemed unable to stop it.
“I dunno,” said Peter, seeming not to notice the tone of my voice. “But I think he knows I would have said no if he still wanted her for himself—the bro code, you know. But he was pretty caught up—”
He trailed off at this point, and I wondered what he was thinking.
“What?” I asked, sitting up at last. “What’s going on? What were you guys doing all this time anyway?”
I watched as he seemed to suffer some sort of internal struggle. I thought I saw a look of deepest shame cross his features as he croaked, “I was so stupid.”
“What?” I asked, even more curious now.
“I—I couldn’t get rid of her,” he gasped, sinking onto his bed. “I couldn’t deflect her, I couldn’t keep up with her.”
“I’m aware of that,” I said, only a little darkly. “So what? Didn’t you enjoy it?”
“It’s worse than that,” he said, looking at me most seriously. “She—I wasn’t ready. We hadn’t planned it. Well, I don’t know what she’d planned, but she hadn’t done it well, and she didn’t seem to care. She had no boundaries—I told her no, but she insisted it would be fine, and I just—let her do it. We didn’t even have any protection.”
I whistled, finally realising what must have happened. I’d expected the loss of Peter’s virginity to be a joyous occasion (well, a happy one at least, for him), but Peter didn’t seem to think it had been fun at all. He had his face in his hands and was shaking. When he looked up at me though, his eyes were dry—like he was determined not to show too much emotion.
“What about the others?” I asked, wanting to pull his thoughts away from Kylie, for the time being anyway.
“Well, I saw both Harry and Simon chucking away used condoms as I was leaving, probably not the first time for them though. And I saw James and Erica coming out of some bushes too. They looked happy with themselves, so maybe they’d been planning it. Most of the others in the bushes were Hammerhearts, I think.”
“You think?” I asked, staring at him. “I could hardly see anyone from the Young Army in the room when I left.”
“Well, I know Jessica was with Craig and Felicity with David,” said Peter, “but I don’t think they did any more than dance a bit. And Liam—I think I saw him kissing—kissing Serena (he shook his head as though trying to scare off a fly) and Jane and Darcy were together too, but I don’t know if they did much. That’s pretty much it, I think.”
“You didn’t see—Tommy and—and—”
“Oh,” his face fell. “Yeah, I did. I don’t know what Natalie did, but I don’t think they ever got to the bushes. She’d passed out by the time they got out of the place, and I’m pretty sure I saw Tommy carrying her out. He looked disappointed, so I reckon he’d been planning to do whatever in there. She was absolutely wasted, though.”
“I know,” I said stonily, “and I reckon he planned it that way. Glad to see it backfired.”
Peter nodded, apparently unsure what I was getting at, but knowing not to argue. In any case, I had no particular desire to discuss my situation any further, so I said, “So are you on with her now?”
I almost sniggered at the look on Peter’s face. He thought for a moment, then said, “I’m not sure.”
“How can you not be sure?”
“I’ll catch up with her tomorrow or Monday,” he said. “In a more casual atmosphere. But it’s probably easiest to just say yes.”
“Only say yes if you think she’s worth it,” I told him, remembering my own feelings for Lena.
“She is,” he said. “I think she is, and if Serena’s really gone off with Liam—I don’t want to have to be alone while I handle that rejection.”
I lay back down in bed, and Peter did the same. “Your choice,” I said quietly.
My mind was ticking over again. Peter’s point had been more convincing than any of Nicole’s. I didn’t want to be alone either, while I watched Natalie pashing Tommy, or James and Erica, or Kylie and Peter,