fresh flow of moisture came as I worked in tiny circles and big ones, soft moans escaping my lips.
“Come on. Why are you doing this?”
“Shut up. You’re ruining it.”
He turned his back to me and I kept on going, moving my fingers inside. God, it had been forever since I’d done this. Too bad I’d tossed all my vibrators.
I brought my fingers back to my clit again and gave no mind to my moans. I wanted Rich to hear me enjoying myself–all by myself. I wanted him to hear what he was missing. And when I came, I made sure he knew it.
It was all over and I felt no better than I had before. Shivering, I rolled over and pulled the sheet and comforter to my chin. Tears came to my eyes again, sobs catching in my throat. I couldn’t let him hear me cry.
Chapter 7
That’s What Friends Are For sounded from my purse and I reached in to answer Amanda’s call.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Not much. You?”
“Working, as usual. Sheila wants this first draft in like two weeks.”
“Cool. We still on for tonight?”
“Um, yeah. Rich is on my shit list, but we’ll be there.”
“Oh…well…Glenn isn’t coming.”
Amanda had been with him a year and they were still in that mushy, inseparable phase, or so I’d thought.
“Can we make it a girl’s night instead?”
“Sure. I could definitely use a night to bitch about Rich.”
“Okay. Same place, same time. See ya tonight.”
A few hours later I walked into Zuni and found Amanda waiting at the bar with a martini in her hand–fake I.D. obviously doing its job–a hot pink belted tube dress on her skinny body. We hugged and said our “hellos,” then she waved the bartender over and ordered me a drink. Amazing how comfortable she now was in her NYC gal skin. No one would ever be able to tell how timid, and, well, pathetic, she had been when I’d met her a year and a half ago.
“Thanks,” I said to the bartender after he placed some kind of blue concoction in front of me, and turned to Amanda. “I’m gonna need about a dozen more of these tonight.”
She frowned. “That bad?”
I explained the sex situation in detail. It took my entire drink to get through it.
“Yeah, that’s weird.”
“I know, right?” I took a swig of my second cocktail. We were still at the bar and I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. My insides already felt tingly. “Let’s talk about something else. Oh, I know. Let’s talk about you being one of my bridesmaids.”
“Seriously?” Amanda leapt off her bar stool and practically onto my lap. “I’m so excited!”
“I wanted you to be my maid of honor, but I was Abby’s so I kinda feel obligated to reciprocate, ya know?”
“Oh, that’s okay. I’m honored to be in the wedding party at all.” She took her seat and flagged the bartender for two more drinks, this time some wine.
“Well, I hope you’re prepared to be a bridesmaid in Marcus and Kevin’s wedding too.”
Her scrunched nose and furrowed brow said, “Huh?”
“Yeah, Marcus popped the question and we decided to have a double wedding.”
“Wow. That is so…” She searched her brain for the right adjective. “Cool!”
“It fits us, don’t you think?”
She nodded and smiled. “You know, it really does.”
The hostess appeared and showed us to our table. My knees wobbled a bit when I slid off my stool, but I managed to make it to my seat without them buckling. Silence came over us as we read our menus. The text on mine had started to blur. Probably best to slow down a bit and order a glass of water with my meal.
“Don’t you want to know why Glenn didn’t come tonight?”
“Oh yeah. This was originally a double date.”
“We kinda broke up.”
“How can you kinda break up?”
“Okay, we definitely broke up. Or rather, I dumped him.”
Last time we’d talked, which had been at least a few weeks ago, they were happy and in love and she was hoping they could live together this summer and see how it went. “What the hell happened?”
“I met someone else.”
“Seriously? I thought he was the one?”
“I thought so too, but I don’t know. I guess I got bored.”
“Like, in bed?”
She giggled. “No. Just in general.”
“Who’s the new guy?”
The waiter arrived with our salads–a momentary distraction. I dug in, thankful to put something in my stomach.
“How’s yours?” Amanda asked.
“Good. Now spill.”
“Um.” She shoveled in another forkful of arugula. “It’s nobody. I’m not sure if it’s even going anywhere, so there’s no point telling you all about him.”
“You ditched your longtime boyfriend for him. He has to be somewhat special.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to jinx it.”
Now Amanda was the one being weird. I let it go. We talked about wedding stuff and I bitched some more about Rich. I hadn’t realized how much I needed to unwind and vent. The past few weeks had been such a roller coaster of emotion and I just wanted my life to get back to normal. And normal included mind-blowing orgasms performed by my soon-to-be husband.
* * * *
The next two weeks, I threw myself into work and stayed on my side of the bed. I stopped asking Rich for answers and masturbated in the shower when necessary. I didn’t know what else to do. My questions turned into arguments, and that wasn’t helping any.
But the book took my mind off our issues in the bedroom. I focused on my character Melinda’s problems instead. And hers seemed much easier to deal with, probably because I’d made them up and solved them. She did what I said and if she started to talk back, I simply hit Delete and started again.
What I wouldn’t give for a Delete button for my life. If I could, I’d erase the last few weeks–I’d still be pregnant and Rich would still make sense to me.
I finished the first draft of the story, even a couple read-throughs, and still got it on Sheila’s desk a day early. I managed to pull her away for lunch, and on the way back to the office, we walked past a bridal shop. I glanced in the window, a feeling washing over me, completely different from how I’d felt when I shopped with Abby for her wedding. The only description was giddiness, staring at the dress I knew I had to have.
“I’m going in here,” I said to Sheila. “You coming?”
“You want me to go in a bridal shop with you?”
“Not if you don’t want to.”
She stared at me. “I have nothing better to do at the moment.”
We stepped inside and I don’t know–the smell of the fabric, maybe the sparkle of rhinestone-encrusted tiaras–something in there turned me into a bubbly bride. My gaze moved from one silk-covered corner to the other, in awe, like the tourists we made