He told me I was family and I belonged to him. I gave myself to him that day. A part of me would always be his.
Would a part of me also be Colm’s? Deirdre’s? Fee already had me. We were best friends. She was my Alpha, no question.
Deirdre sat beside me and put her arm around my shoulders. Colm continued to rock Fee as she sobbed against his muscled chest.
Colm had been the first member of Mac Tire I’d met in person when I’d come to Dublin. Standing guard outside the pack’s pub, An Puca, he’d seemed all brawn and very little brain. He’d challenged me and denied me admittance to the pub, but I’d stood up to him at first before I retreated miserably. After that, he’d become my protector, but I’d been so wrapped up in Paddy and Murphy and their drama, I’d barely given Colm a second thought.
Over the past three months in Ireland, I’d begun to know Deirdre. I spent a fair amount of time playing the harp at An Puca on nights Fee or Murphy wanted to get out of the stifling apartment. Between songs and on breaks, Deirdre always supplied me with cold cider or Guinness. Alannah Doyle, the bartender, wouldn’t spit in glasses she poured for Deirdre, but she had the one time I’d been rash enough to approach the bar on my own.
Alannah Doyle had been bonded to Declan Byrne—traitor to the pack. He’d given Grandfather Mick the knife he’d used to gut Paddy. On directions from Glenn Murphy.
Alannah occupied a unique and uncomfortable position in Mac Tire. On one hand, she was the ex-bond mate of the notorious and despised Declan Byrne. On the other, she was the half-sister of the beloved, dead Paddy O’Reilly. So people both reviled and revered her.
She’d bonded with another duo who were said to be poised to be named contenders for the next Alpha election. The duo was obviously banking on Alannah’s status as half-sister to Paddy and full sister to the current Alpha male, Colm.
An icy shiver slid down my spine. If Alannah became an Alpha female, I’d have to take a pack bond from her. She hated me. Blamed me for exposing Declan. She couldn’t hate him. He was dead. So she transferred all her malice to me, his accuser.
I’d had such rosy thoughts of belonging to a pack again. But Mac Tire was full of rage, grief and churning confusion.
The pack bond would help.
“You can take the pack bond later, Stanzie.” Deirdre pressed her forehead to my cheek. Her skin was cold.
“You ought to be inside. It’s freezing,” I said.
“It would have to be after the babies are born.” Deirdre took a deep breath. The thought of giving birth obviously frightened her. No wonder. Triplets. Colm-sized triplets. “I can’t shift after today. Andrew’s not even happy about today.”
Andrew Brody was the pack’s doctor. He was also bonded to Paddy’s mother, Maureen O’Shea, and now, Siobhan Carmichael as well.
“When he was Alpha, his first bond mate almost died in childbirth. The babies did die.” Deirdre shivered, not from the cold. I took her hand in both of mine and squeezed. “I think he’s a little overprotective. I feel fine, Stanzie. Tired, of course, but fine.”
“I think you ought to listen to him. And I don’t want to wait until after the babies are born. I want to be part of this today. I’m scared, but I don’t want to put it off. It’ll just hang over me if I do.”
“The sword of Damocles,” she said with an understanding laugh. “And, listen, if you need someone to talk to, I’m always here.”
My throat constricted. Did I want someone to talk to? I never really talked about my fears or the things that had happened to me. I just wanted to put them all behind me where they couldn’t poison me anymore.
Besides, Colm and Deirdre knew nothing of the conspiracy. At least not yet. I sure as hell didn’t want to be the one who told them.
The rotten branch of the corrupt movement within the Guardians had been pruned away from Mac Tire. Now all that remained was the positive force of Councilor Etain Feehery. Not part of the underground movement, she’d been the one who decreed Colm and Deirdre should be kept in the dark, at least until Deirdre gave birth.
Everything was so tangled I couldn’t even talk about it without tripping if I tried.
That was Murphy’s problem too. He couldn’t talk to his Alphas about the loss of his father or best friend without going into the conspiracy angle. Fee was too close to it and she relied on him. Murphy constantly listened to her and took care of her and soothed her. He couldn’t then turn around and confide in her—she didn’t have the strength for it yet.
And he wouldn’t talk to me. At first Glenn’s and Paddy’s deaths had brought us together. We’d clung to each other until Fee and the others descended upon our apartment and infiltrated nearly every moment we had.
“This will be a good thing, Stanzie. You’ll see,” promised Deirdre. “We’d best go inside. Everyone’s waiting.” She dug a tissue from her pocket and held it out to Fee, who took it gratefully.
“I’ve been such a bitch,” Fee said after she’d blown her nose.
“You’ve had your reasons.” Deirdre extended her hand for help off the bench. Colm stepped forward, but Fee moved faster. Once Deirdre was standing, Fee wrapped her arm around her bond mate’s waist and they walked down the gravel path toward the castle.
Colm held out his gargantuan hand to me. Mine was dwarfed within it when his fingers closed. He drew me to my feet and kept hold of my hand, his fingers laced with mine.
“I always wanted to be Alpha,” he confided as we walked. “But I sure as shit never wanted to be Alpha in a situation like this. I miss Paddy, Stanzie. He was my little brother and I wish it could’ve been me instead of him to die bleeding on the ground the way he did.”
A groan of grief escaped me. I didn’t want to talk about Paddy. Especially when we were at the spot where he’d fallen. A glance down confirmed there was no blood—the gravel had been washed clean. But I still knew.
“Right here,” I said. Colm made me think of it, so now I’d share the wealth. I tugged him to a stop and he followed my gaze. “He fell right here.” The splash of water from the fountain beside us was gratingly loud. Stinging cold droplets sprayed over us, but we didn’t move.
“They say you stayed with him. Here, and in the ambulance. You even tried to go into surgery with him but they wouldn’t let you.” Colm’s voice was hushed, and I squeezed my eyes shut against the memory.
“He asked me to stay with him. I promised him I would. I broke the promise, Colm. They wouldn’t let me stay with him.” My voice wobbled and the next thing I knew, I was in Colm’s arms. He was so warm, I burrowed into him for comfort.
“No, you didn’t. Allerton told me Paddy was out of it by then. He never knew you weren’t there. But you were there when it counted.”
“Why me? It should have been Fee or you or somebody he loved.” Guilt choked me until I couldn’t breathe. Poor Paddy had been dying and all he’d had with him was me and Jason Allerton. Virtual strangers. A cold tear slid down my cheek.
“He loved you, woman,” Colm said harshly. “Didn’t he always brag about you when he’d had a few shots of whiskey?”
“Bragged? About what?”
“How brave you were at that tribunal. How clever you were to outfox that bastard Alpha. You saved that girl.”
“She died,” I said. “I didn’t save her, didn’t save him and I wasn’t clever, Colm. I was desperate and scared. He was the one who got me through that damn tribunal. He did.” Sobs overcame me again. Why did it still hurt so much? When would it stop? Why did I have to lose everyone who meant anything to me?
Colm rocked me, his face buried in my snarled hair.
“Will the pack bond make this better?”