he said forlornly. “Right now I feel like the shittiest Alpha that ever was, you know that?”
“You aren’t,” I said. “Don’t say that, Colm.”
A small smile tugged the corner of his mouth. “Worst one in the whole history of Mac Tire.”
“Bullshit,” I argued.
“Most people think of your Liam as their Alpha more than me. I’m a fucking afterthought to most of them.”
I shook my head.
“He was a fine Alpha in his time and he’ll be a better one with you by his side, but it’s my turn now. I think the pack bond will help me prove myself. I let Fee get away with putting it off and I shouldn’t have. Etain argued with me about it. Deirdre didn’t argue, but she was upset with me. All my people counseled against putting it off, but I have a soft spot for that woman. She was my brother’s bond mate.”
“She’s your bond mate,” I reminded him, and he snorted.
“I can barely handle Deirdre. Fee’s a fucking whirlwind, Stanzie. Always has been. Dancing around—Paddy’s the only one who could keep up with her. Well, Paddy and her brother. I’m putting a lot of hope into this damn pack bond, you know that? Because it’s a symbol. A starting point. We bonded at Paddy’s funeral, for Christ’s sake. Nobody sees me. I’m just filling in for him. But that’s not who I want to be. You understand?” He gave me a shake and I grabbed his elbows to steady myself.
“You and Liam could support us. You could try to do that.”
“We do,” I objected.
“You don’t,” he said. “You harbor Fee and her baby. You let the other members of this pack turn to you and don’t bring them to me and Deirdre. You and Liam walk into An Puca and everyone flocks around like you were rock stars. Deirdre and I could stand on the bar and shout for three hours before someone bothered to notice us and then it would only be to yell at us to shut the fuck up. You want to be the next Alphas, fine. Go for it. But, damn it, you give me and Deirdre our shot.” He shook me again, his brown eyes full of frustration.
“I’m so angry, Stanzie Newcastle. At you. At your feckin’ bond mate. At this situation. Something’s got to give.”
I bit my lip. A pack bond formed with an angry Alpha. An Alpha who was furious with me.
“You’re the lynch pin, don’tcha see? Liam listens to you. Fee does. And you sit there and play your fucking harp and don’t say a fucking word. Why?” Colm shook me again.
Far ahead of us, Fee and Deirdre were nearly to the top of the staircase to the massive castle doors. The courtyard was deserted. Just me and angry Colm.
The wind whipped my hair around my face, but I couldn’t brush it away because Colm held my arms. His fingers bit into my flesh even through the padding of my sweater and jacket.
“Let go of me.” I tried to jerk out of his grasp, but his fingers were like iron. “You have no fucking clue what I do or don’t do. You want the respect of your goddamn pack, do something besides cater to Fee. Take control, you pussy-whipped bastard.”
I waited for him to hit me, but instead, he threw back his head and shouted with laughter.
The sound was incongruous in this cold, bleak setting. Paddy had been mortally wounded on this very spot and now Colm was laughing. The funny thing was, Paddy would’ve been laughing too. Maybe he was. Fee had seen his spirit lingering in this world and I’d asked him to go away, but what if he hadn’t? He could be here right this second. I swore I could almost smell his cologne.
“You’re right,” Colm said as he wrapped a beefy arm around my shoulders and all but dragged me down the gravel path. “So this is what I’m doing. Forging the pack bond like I ought to have three months ago. You with me?”
“All the way,” I vowed and he laughed again. I sneaked a look at his face in profile. His red hair stood up like a rooster’s comb. A tingling shivered down my spine. My Alpha. He was my Alpha. For the first time, I felt it more than I understood it.
* * * *
The fireplaces at either end of the massive room roared. Choked with logs, they gave off stultifying heat when close to the flames. The middle of the room was chilly. The pack members nearest the blaze had shed their jackets and some even their sweaters. Those in the center huddled together for warmth, jackets on. Most of them had bottles of water. The mattresses on the floor were piled with brightly colored sheets and pillows. Three or four couples had already claimed theirs, but no one was making love yet, although I did see several couples kissing.
Colm left me near the fireplace on the north wall and I held my frozen fingers out to the flickering flames. God, the warmth felt good. When my fingers thawed, I removed my pack ring, bond pendant and earrings and put them in my purse for safe keeping until after I’d shifted back. Purses were piled in a heap in a corner of the room, and I threw mine on top of the stack. I searched for Murphy and spied him near the French doors that opened onto the garden overlooking the lake. A woman with bright red corkscrew curls halfway down her back had her arms wound around his neck while she stood on tiptoe whispering something into his ear.
He had a half-hearted smile, one hand on her shoulder as he listened to whatever proposal she made, but when he saw me, gently set her aside. The redhead turned around with a pout and I wasn’t surprised at all to see it was Alannah Doyle, the conniving witch. A big, evil smirk lit her pretty face. Any hopes I’d harbored that Siobhan had kept the story of my father’s pack bond between herself and the Alphas crumbled into ash like the logs in the fire. Shit.
Conversation ceased as the people around me stared.
“God, your mother has a big mouth,” I said when Murphy got close enough so I didn’t have to shout. Although I should have.
A pained smile twisted Murphy’s lips. “She was really pissed. She actually boxed my ears.”
A horrified laugh burst from my mouth, and I covered it with my hand.
“She hasn’t boxed my ears since I was sixteen and caught me making out behind the bushes with Caitlin Bell. We’re cousins, you know. And to this day, Caitlin won’t even give me a hug if my mother’s anywhere near. And she’s always near.” Murphy shook his head.
I stared at him, struck speechless as he’d no doubt intended. I’d met Caitlin at the pub and she was pretty enough to turn any boy’s head, even her cousin’s.
“How old was she?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“Fourteen or thereabouts,” he said with a wince. “I know I took shocking advantage, but it was all her idea, although she’ll deny it. She’s a liar, Stanzie. ‘Wonder what it feels like to kiss somebody on the lips,’ she said. ‘Do you think it would be gross, Liam? Maybe it would be nice. Want to try it maybe?’ What was I supposed to do with her puckered up and adorable and me frigging sixteen and never been kissed?”
“Stop.” I gave his shoulder a gentle shove and the people closest to us burst into laughter. The tips of Murphy’s ears were red, but he’d embarrassed himself on purpose to divert attention from my humiliation. One more reason to love him.
Murphy grinned and I rolled my eyes.
“Colm and Deirdre talk to you? Everything okay?” he asked.
“I told Colm he was pussy-whipped.” I’d get Murphy back for the Caitlin Bell story if it killed me.
He choked on strangled laughter. “Did he cry?”
I dissolved into laughter. Jerk.
“I would have cried,” he added and I smacked his shoulder again.
“You wouldn’t have and neither did he. He laughed at me.”
“I’ll bet he did.” Murphy looked proud of me. He lifted my chin with gentle fingers so he could look me in the eye. “You are all