his head and wiped a hand through his hair. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Olivia. I—” Unsure of how to explain himself, he walked over to the couch and sank onto the edge of the cushion. With his forearms resting across his open knees and his hat dangling from his hands, he looked up at her. “Okay, Olivia, I’m going to be honest. You asked if I was testing you, but it’s really the other way around. I wanted to test myself. Ever since you walked out of my life, I’ve wondered how I would feel if I ever saw you again. Would I hate you or want you, or look at you with total indifference? After seeing you the other morning in the Grubstake, I had to find out.”
He could see her mind spinning as she walked over to the couch and sank down beside him. “And how do you feel?”
Her voice had dropped to a husky murmur and just the sound of it tightened his body with desire.
He blew out a heavy breath. “I think that kiss answers your question and mine.”
She didn’t make any sort of reply. Instead, she closed her eyes and bent her head as though she’d just been handed a prison sentence.
“Oh, Clancy, you can’t be serious.”
“I was serious ten years ago. Now I’m not sure how I feel. All I know is that when I look at you I still want you. And from the way you kissed me, I think you feel the same way.”
Her head jerked up and her gray eyes clashed with his. “And what if I do?” she challenged. “What if there is a flame still between us? That doesn’t mean we should try to fan it!”
“You think ignoring it would be better?”
Her hand curled over his forearm and Clancy felt the heat of her fingers all the way up to his shoulder. It wasn’t right, he thought, that this woman, of all women, had to be the one who lit a fire in him, who made him want and dream and love.
She said, “Look, Clancy, I’ve spent all these years trying to forget what happened between us. And I’ll admit that I agreed to this date tonight because I believed it would convince me that—well, everything we ever felt for each other was gone. That kiss was nice. Very nice. But I don’t want it to happen again. I don’t want to try to stir up old feelings and then—well, have it all end a second time.”
“You say that like you’re certain a second time around for us wouldn’t work,” he said.
“I’m not sure of anything,” she said flatly. “Except that I’ve already had one failed marriage. I don’t want to make any more mistakes.”
“Who said anything about marriage?”
Her spine stiffened and she pulled her hand from his arm.
“No one,” she said coldly. “You don’t have to marry someone to make a mistake with them.”
It was clear to Clancy that he’d said the wrong thing to her, but damn it, she had his head in such a spin he hardly knew what he was doing or saying.
“Olivia, I didn’t mean—maybe saying goodbye would be the right thing for us. But what we had all those years ago was special. I don’t think you’ll deny that. If some of those feelings are still there, we need to see where they might take us. If it turns out that all we have between us is a pile of dead ashes, then we can part knowing that we’re not losing anything.”
Groaning with anguish, she rose from the couch and walked across the room. Pausing in front of the picture window, she said, “And what if we rekindled our romance, Clancy? Where could that possibly lead us?” Glancing over her shoulder at him, she shook her head. “No. You’ll always resent me for leaving you and going to my mother. And—”
Before she could finish, he jumped to his feet and hurried over to her. “Get this straight, Olivia, I never had an issue with you going to help your mother. Dear God, I’m not heartless. She needed you. It’s the fact that you used her as an excuse to end our engagement. And then once she was gone, you chose not to contact me. Instead, you married another man. Why?”
Outrage clamped her jaws tight. “I’m not going to talk with you about that tonight! It’s none of your business. When I married Mark, you and I were already finished.”
“No! You were already finished, Olivia. Like a damned fool I was still hanging on, hoping that once things were resolved with your mother, you’d come to me. You cut me out of your life then and you obviously want to keep me cut out now. I should be able to get that through my head. But for some reason I can’t.”
Bending her head, she instantly twisted her back to him. “I don’t know, Clancy,” she said in a low, hoarse voice. “Maybe someday you’ll see that I’m not your kind. I never was and never will be.”
“If that’s what you think, then I’m wasting my time here. Goodbye, Olivia. I hope you enjoy your new home in Carson City,” he said bitterly, then turned and hurried out of the house before he could say something he might regret for the rest of his life.
* * *
Throughout the next week, the weather turned bitterly cold and Olivia had to deal with a pile of work both inside and outside of the office. Which was a good thing, she told herself, as she rubbed her tired eyes and tried to focus on the notes in front of her. Trudging through the snow and dealing with paperwork helped to keep her mind off the disastrous evening she’d had with Clancy.
The night he’d stormed out of her house it was as if he’d taken every light with him. Now each time she walked into the living room, she envisioned him sitting there on the couch, his hat in his hands, his hair waved across his forehead.
Seven days had passed since that night and by now she’d expected to have put the whole incident behind her. Instead, her thoughts were being consumed more and more with the man.
If some of those feelings are still there, we need to see where they might take us.
This past week his words had returned again and again until she wanted to scream with frustration. So what if she still felt something for the man, or he for her? Nothing would ever evolve from them. He’d more or less proclaimed that marriage wasn’t on his mind. So what was on his mind? Getting her back in bed?
That question had her mind instantly replaying the kiss they’d shared in his truck and the memory was enough to heat her face. She’d kissed him as though they’d never been apart. She’d kissed him as though she’d never stopped loving him. And then, like an idiot, she’d tried to erect a barrier between them and pretend it had been nothing to her. That he was nothing to her.
Oh, Lord, it was no wonder that he’d left angry. And no wonder that after all these days she was still in a miserable state of mind. If she had any kind of courage at all, she’d drive out to the Silver Horn ranch, face him and try to explain herself. But would that solve anything?
“It’s time for me to head home, Liv. Wes has already gone out the door. Are you staying late this evening?”
Beatrice’s voice interrupted her dismal thoughts and Olivia turned away from her desk to see the secretary standing in the open doorway. The woman had already donned her coat and shoulder bag and covered her hair with a black beret.
“I want to finish a few more notes before I leave,” she told the young woman. “Don’t worry. I’ll lock things up.”
“You’ve had a long day,” Beatrice said. “You ought to finish that tomorrow.”
Olivia smiled at her. “I’ll be finished in a few minutes and then I’ll head on home.”
“Well, drive carefully. I glanced outside earlier and it’s snowing again.”
“I’ll be careful and you do the same.”
With a backward wave, Beatrice disappeared and Olivia went back to typing up the notes she’d scribbled down earlier this morning when she and Wes had visited a section of state park land that was losing an inordinate amount of pines to a spreading parasite.
She