and expression. What did he expect to find? she wondered. What did he want to hear from her? That she’d made a horrible mistake by ending their engagement? That she’d been a fool for not trying to hang on to something as precious as what they’d shared?
“Some things just never turn out like we think they will.”
His remark shot an arrow directly into the middle of her chest. “No. Some things never do,” she murmured.
A long, awkward silence followed until Clancy finally spoke again. “Is that where you met your ex? At Boise?”
She shook her head. “No. I met Mark shortly after Mom died. I was still living in Twin Falls then and working as a bank teller. He was a carpenter and was a regular customer at that particular branch.”
“So what happened? Why did you get divorced?”
Because deep down I was still in love with you.
The thought sprang out of nowhere and she frantically shoved it away before she answered, “Because he turned out to be far different than what he first appeared to be. Before we married I made it clear to him that my plans were to go back to college and acquire my degree. He was perfectly agreeable with that until I actually became his wife. Then everything was different. He quickly decided that he didn’t want me going to college or having a job with the BLM. He also changed his mind about us having children. He believed our lives would be better without the complications that came with kids. In other words, all the things that were important to me, Mark wanted me to give up. I couldn’t do that, Clancy. I’m sure that makes me sound stubborn and selfish to you. But I had already made a huge sacrifice when I left you to take care of Mom. I wasn’t willing to make another one.”
“Is that what you call it? ‘A sacrifice’?”
Her throat was so thick, all she could manage to do was nod.
His gaze locked on hers. “Oh, Olivia,” he murmured ruefully. “Why did you marry him when you knew that I was waiting?”
The dark anguish in his eyes was more than she could bear. Jumping to her feet, she blindly hurried through the busy tables until she reached the ladies’ room.
Once inside, she dropped her head in her hands and allowed the scalding tears to flow.
Eventually, a woman with a little girl entered the ladies’ room and the distraction forced Olivia to dry her tears and attempt to gather her composure.
Leaving the table that way made her look worse than an emotional teenager, she thought, as she pressed a damp paper towel beneath her eyes. But the only other option she’d had was to sit there and let him see a stream of regretful tears rolling down her face. And she wasn’t up to dealing with that sort of humiliation. Going back out there and facing him again was going to be bad enough.
Tossing the paper towel into a trash basket, she smoothed down the skirt of her black dress and with a bracing breath walked out among the diners. As soon as Clancy spotted her approaching the table, he rose to his feet and helped her into her chair.
Once he’d returned to his own seat, she quickly apologized. “I’m sorry, Clancy. I shouldn’t—”
“No, Olivia,” he interrupted. “I’m the one who should be apologizing. I shouldn’t have said that to you. Not here. Not now. Let’s forget it, shall we?”
While she’d been in the ladies’ room, the waiter had served their meal. One glance at Clancy’s plate told her he’d not yet touched his food. Which made her feel even worse. She’d not only embarrassed the man, she’d starved him on top of it.
“You should’ve started eating without me,” she said. “I wouldn’t have minded.”
“The waiter just brought it. So it’s still hot. No harm done.”
He looked across the table at her and she could see concern in his eyes. The notion that her feelings were more important to him than the meal surprised her and for the first time this evening, she felt herself start to relax.
“I am hungry,” she admitted, then joked, “It takes a lot of energy to have an emotional breakdown.”
To her amazement, he reached across the table and wrapped his hand firmly around hers. His touch was rough and warm and incredibly familiar. But how could that be, she wondered, after so much time had passed and so much had happened?
“And I don’t want you to have another one,” he said gently. “We’ll keep our talk in the present. Deal?”
She gave him a grateful smile, but underneath she was actually terrified. Being with Clancy wasn’t supposed to be affecting her this way. His touch shouldn’t be making her long for more, making her wonder what it would be like to kiss him again, make love to him again.
“It’s a deal,” she agreed, then carefully pulling her hand from his, she picked up her fork and started to eat.
He followed her example and as the two of them began consuming the spicy food, Clancy purposely steered the conversation to Olivia’s job.
“So, are you doing the same type of work here in Carson City that you were doing back in Idaho?”
“Yes. Land management. I worked out of the Shoshone district there. That’s where I started about seven years ago and I liked it. But this move to Carson City brought a small promotion with it. One that I’d worked hard to get.”
“So, what sort of things do you mainly look for when you’re seeing a piece of land for the first time?”
He appeared to be genuinely interested and that was something new for Olivia. The few men she’d dated in the past years never wanted to hear about her work. They mostly thought she just poked around in the dirt and looked at bugs and plants. None of them had understood or cared that nature had a rhyme and reason and her job was to make sure it stayed in balance. But Clancy made a living off the land. He understood.
“The watershed and whether there’s too much or not enough. Then we study the grasses, trees and other vegetation to see what sort of wildlife it’s capable of sustaining. Of course if it’s rangeland for livestock then other things are involved. But you’re a rancher, you already know all about that.”
He nodded and as her gaze swept over him, she wondered, as she had so many times, whether he’d ever married or if he had a special woman in his life now.
“Do you ever work with minerals?”
She asked, “You mean land that’s being mined?”
He nodded and she shook her head. “A little. Why? Is part of the Silver Horn land being mined?”
“No. But I’ve been getting calls from a lease hound. It seems odd to me. These days silver isn’t worth digging out of the ground.”
“Could be his connections are searching for the yellow stuff. Not silver.”
“Well, this is Nevada and I suppose there’s always someone out there who likes to take a gamble on finding a fortune,” he said.
“Yes. Finding it the easy way,” she agreed.
For the next few minutes, Clancy continued to focus their conversation on her job and then he changed it completely by suddenly asking, “What is your brother doing now? Is he still in the military?”
“He’s no longer in the army. But I couldn’t tell you what he’s doing now. The last time I talked with him he was in Oregon, working for a timber company.”
Glancing over at her, he picked up a tortilla and folded it in half. “So you two still aren’t close.”
“No. That will never happen. Todd is like our father. He doesn’t need or want to be close to anyone.”
“And