absence more conspicuous, and I won’t be able to field questions as easily if it’s staring our guests in the face. Someone has to sit in Kirtida’s place.’
He frowned down at her, but nodded. ‘Aidaraen?’
She shook her head. ‘My grandmother is the only one from Aidara who would be appropriate, and she—’ She no longer seems to think she needs to support her kingdom when she doesn’t approve of its queen. ‘She isn’t here. Can you ask someone from your family?’
‘My grandmother,’ he said immediately, but she could sense his reluctance. So things hadn’t got better in the ten years they’d grown apart, she thought. ‘She’d be the best option, considering my mother couldn’t be here tonight.’ His mother was ill, Leyna remembered. ‘Please excuse me.’
Formality—distance—lined his words. But it was for the best, she told herself, and hated the ache in her chest that said otherwise.
A few minutes later, Xavier returned with a graceful older woman at his side. Envy slithered its way through her before she shook it off. It was natural to envy the grace and poise the former Queen Consort of Mattan carried effortlessly with her. But envy was not a trait Leyna wanted to have as a queen, nor as a woman.
‘Your Majesty,’ Leyna said and curtsied.
‘Let’s not waste time with the formalities, Leyna.’ Xavier’s grandmother brushed kisses on both Leyna’s cheeks, and Leyna found her lips curving.
‘It’s lovely to see you, ma’am.’
The older woman sighed. ‘I recall you using that term years ago. But perhaps now we’ve reached the point where we can both use each other’s first names. Paulina will do. And don’t you dare refuse.’
Paulina lifted a hand to wave off Leyna’s response, and Leyna nodded.
‘As you wish... Paulina.’
Though she got an approving smile from Paulina, the name felt wrong on Leyna’s lips. To deal with it, Leyna made a point of avoiding addressing Paulina by name. She received a few looks that told her Paulina knew what she was doing, but Leyna just smiled in return and moved onto the next topic. Conversations were easy for her. Except when they were with former best friends—fiancés—Leyna considered, her eyes flitting over Xavier.
‘I’d hoped to see the new King of Kirtida here with us tonight,’ Paulina said when things were loud enough at the table that no one would overhear.
Though she could hardly manage to forget it, Leyna winced at the reminder. ‘I had, too.’
‘We should have anticipated this mess,’ Paulina continued. ‘There was always something in that boy’s eyes.’
Leyna didn’t respond, and Paulina turned her attention to the conversation beside her. Leyna was grateful. Her thoughts had clamoured at Paulina’s words, and she told herself, very deliberately, that it didn’t make her any less of a queen that she hadn’t anticipated their current situation.
It didn’t mean she’d failed her people.
She lived with the constant fear that she wasn’t doing enough. It didn’t matter how hard she worked, that fear remained. And she’d worked hard. She’d had to rebuild the morale of a kingdom that had lost its King and Queen in a matter of weeks. She’d had to earn their trust and make them believe that, though she was only twenty-one, she could be their Queen.
It had required all her time and all her attention. It had reminded her of her grandmother’s warnings. Was it any wonder she hadn’t had time for Xavier any more? She’d broken things off the minute she’d realised—really realised—how much work she had ahead of her.
It had hurt her to do so—more still when the demands of his crown hadn’t kept him from having a life. From having a relationship.
With someone who wasn’t her.
She closed her eyes against the anger, the jealousy, the resentment and pain, and fought off the loneliness that threatened to creep in. As it did almost every day.
‘Stop frowning,’ Xavier said under his breath. ‘People will think there’s something wrong with the food.’
‘Not the food, just the alliance they’re all here to celebrate.’
‘Don’t,’ he warned. ‘We’ll talk about it later.’
‘Yes, sir.’
She looked over in surprise when she heard his fork scrape against the plate. He was holding his utensils so tightly that his knuckles were white. It had her heart racing, especially since she wasn’t sure what had upset him.
‘Relax,’ she said lightly. ‘We have to keep the illusion of peace between the two of us.’
‘Are we at war then?’
‘No,’ she answered truthfully. ‘But our lives might end up being the collateral to stave one off.’
He didn’t respond to that, and somehow they made it through the rest of the dinner without saying another word to each other. Leyna led her guests to the more casual State Hall where the speeches would take place and gifts would be exchanged. She stood at the front next to the royal family of Mattan—Paulina, Xavier, his sister, Alika, with her husband, and his other sister, Nalini—accepting gifts with a smile even though she knew she was being watched.
No, she thought when her spine went rigid. She wasn’t being watched so much as judged. She knew her guests were wondering where the other member of Aidara’s royal family was. They’d always wanted that show of unity, especially after her mother had left Aidara. It seemed to reassure her people and their allies that Aidara was still as strong as it had been when Leyna’s grandfather, her grandmother Kathleen’s husband, had ruled.
But the last time Leyna had refused a suitor Kathleen had brought before her, her grandmother had declared that Leyna was a lost cause and had left Aidara for a diplomatic trip to South Africa.
It spoke volumes to Leyna that that was the least of her problems now. Because she also knew her guests were speculating more about the absence of the royal family of Kirtida than they were about Kathleen.
Murmurs had spread through the room as they’d gone through the formalities of the gift exchanges. No doubt discussing what the implications of Kirtida’s absence would be. She’d soothed many of the concerns when she’d done her rounds earlier, but that wouldn’t stop the rumours.
And there was nothing she could do about that.
She felt the room snap to attention before she saw why, and then felt her own body straighten in anticipation of the speech Xavier would be giving on behalf of the Isles. He’d stepped in front of the small podium that had been designed for the occasion. It was his presence, she thought. It commanded attention. She admired it.
He carried it with him so effortlessly—the authority, the confidence—that no one would have suspected he’d once begged Leyna not to leave him.
‘You’d never know how broken he is, would you?’
Leyna frowned, wondering how someone had read her thoughts. She shook it off and glanced over to see Xavier’s sister Nalini now standing beside her.
‘What do you mean?’
‘What do you see when you look at my brother?’
Leyna’s eyes shifted to Xavier. His muscular body wore the uniform representing his kingdom with ease, his handsome features set in an expression that was both commanding and open. Her heart fluttered, and she blushed when she saw Nalini watching her.
‘I see a king.’
Nalini took a few seconds to respond. ‘I think that’s who he sees, too. I think that’s the only thing he sees. He lost the man somewhere. I think maybe it was when he lost the woman he loved.’
‘I can only imagine what he must