What had felt so right minutes earlier now felt horribly wrong.
Her heart ached and her stomach churned like a hurricane in the Atlantic. She tried to act calm but having had only one other lover in her life hadn’t given her a lot of sophistication to call on in this type of situation. She slid off the desk and decided she could go home without panties or hose on because she sure as heck wasn’t rooting around under his desk to find them.
With a calmness that she knew had to be some sort of protective shell, she smoothed her skirt, tucked her hair behind her ear and walked away from the man who’d just tilted her neat little world. First with the announcement that the safe predictable life she’d built at Colette was in danger, and then with the soul-searing intensity with which he’d made love to her.
Part of her thought the whole thing entirely romantic, but the forbidding look on Nick’s face told her he wasn’t going to get down on one knee and confess his undying devotion to her.
This heartache’s on me, she thought, knowing that her fantasies about Nick had precipitated their love-making. She wanted to play it cool, but she was afraid if she tried to talk her voice would come out in a high-pitched squeak.
“Lila,” Nick said. His voice was low and calm, washing over her like a warm breeze on a summer’s day. She wanted to go to him and wallow in what he had to offer, but she knew it was a mirage.
“Yes,” she said, picking up her laptop and preparing to leave, still refusing to look at him.
“We have to talk about what just happened.”
Not if she lived to be a hundred would she ever want to discuss this with anyone. And certainly not with Nick. She made a noncommittal sound. Let him take that for whatever he wanted, she wasn’t up for a post mortem right now.
She heard his footsteps and refused to glance at him. His body heat reached her in waves, and now that she knew how strong he was and how right it had felt to be in his arms, he was even harder to resist.
“Honey.”
“Don’t,” she said, her voice cracking, as she’d feared it would. The way he’d pulled out of her body and sat in his chair waiting for her to recover told her more than words ever could. He did not think of her in an affectionate way, and she’d tolerate no lies from him.
“Lila, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen but it did and nothing can change the fact that neither of us was prepared for it.”
She became aware of the stickiness between her thighs. She knew immediately that he wasn’t only concerned about health issues but about pregnancy. How careless could she be? she asked herself. Hadn’t she learned anything growing up with her unmarried mother?
“I’m not on the pill,” she said. She was one of the small percentage of women who were allergic to it. It had never bothered her because she wasn’t swept away by desire. In fact, she had found the entire male-female lust-at-first-sight phenomenon to be highly overrated…until tonight.
“Well, hell,” he said, then turned away from her to utter something profane and succinct.
His words cut straight to her heart.
“Yes, hell. This isn’t the end of the world, you know.” Chances were she wasn’t pregnant.
Now he was the one avoiding eye contact. “It is for me.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because I made a vow never to marry again.” His words affected her in a way she didn’t want them to, and dashed her secret hopes once and for all. She’d been dreaming of Nick Camden for so long that she’d put him on a pedestal, and here he was revealing his very real clay feet.
“I don’t recall asking you to marry me, Nick Camden.”
His laser-sharp gaze pinned her to her spot. He didn’t say anything in response to her sarcasm.
“If you’re pregnant we can discuss the choices to be made.”
“What are you insinuating, Nick?”
“That we will have to make some decisions once we know the full details of the situation.”
“This sounds like the verbiage for a damned memo. This isn’t about the job, you know. This is about life.”
“My job is my life, Lila.”
Truer words were never spoken.
“How soon until you’ll know if you’re knocked up?”
“Jeez, now that I’ve seen your charm I know why you’re so popular with the ladies.”
“Dammit, Lila—”
“Yes, dammit, Nick.”
She walked out of his office and grabbed her purse from the bottom desk drawer.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
She sighed. She knew how dogged he could be when he set his mind to something. “A few days maybe. I’m not real regular.”
She shut off her desk lamp and felt the heavy weight of his hand on her shoulder. “I’ll drive you home.”
“No, thank you.”
“It wasn’t an offer.”
“Was it an order?”
“Tell me you’re not planning to walk home in the dark.”
“I’m not planning to walk home in the dark,” she said, feeling an edge that she normally tempered with lots of baking and a call to her mother.
“Smart-ass.”
“Look, this is Youngsville, not Chicago. I’ll be fine.”
“You’re not going without me and that’s final.”
“Okay,” she said.
He grabbed his coat from the rack and reached around the corner to hit the light switch. Lila’s discarded undergarments were under his desk. He stopped and pocketed them without a word. Then he closed and locked his inner office door. He took her elbow and escorted her down the darkened hallway.
Lila felt the emotions inside her swirling like a black mist and rising so quickly she couldn’t control them. She knew she had to keep her mouth shut but somehow the words wouldn’t stop.
“So I guess I shouldn’t ask if it was good for you?”
Three
Nick had been at some low places in his life but never had he felt like this. The night was pitch dark and he was thankful that Lila was silent as they drove. He didn’t think he could take much more conversation from her at this point. In his mind’s eye he was surrounded by an image of Lila’s wide brown eyes brimming with a sheen of tears.
Though his mind screamed for him to back away his body relived the incredible rightness that their joining had brought. And he knew that he should regret that he hadn’t used a condom when they’d made love, but deep inside he was glad he hadn’t. His groin still throbbed at the remembered feel of her around him.
Lila had been the fulfillment of his dreams, of what a woman could be. But she was his assistant, dammit. How could he have let this happen?
But he knew once hadn’t been enough. In fact, as he came to a stop in front of her building, he knew that he wanted to come up tonight and mate with her again. To cement what was between them so that she didn’t have to react with her sharp tongue.
“Well, thanks for the ride,” she said and then a bitter laugh escaped her. “I meant the car ride.”
“Lila, stop it. I’m sorry for the way that our first time happened, but I won’t let you think it meant nothing to me.”
“I’m sure you say that to all the girls, Nick.”
“I