still feel the pain of that last morning with him in Vegas. The memory of his eyes, cool, distant, staring at her as if he was watching a stranger. The clipped note in his voice. The fact that he never once looked back as he walked away from her. “Your vote was the only one that counted then, too, I remember.”
His features went cold and hard. His eyes took on that same distance she recalled so well. “That was then. This is now. And the sooner you get used to this,” he was saying, “the easier it’ll be. On all of us.”
She pushed to her feet, gave a quick look to the twins, forced a smile for their sakes, then turned back to Colt. “Why should I want to make this easy on you? You barged in here and took over. No matter what you think, I’m not your duty, Colt. I’m not your anything.”
His smile was tight, his eyes narrowed as he looked past her briefly to the two babies still happily babbling. “This isn’t about you, Penny. It’s about them. And the twins are my duty. My responsibility. And I’m going to do whatever I think is right to make sure they have everything they need.”
“What they need is love and they have that.”
He snorted and tapped his fingers on the thick pile of newly paid bills. “Love doesn’t buy groceries or pay the electric company.”
She flushed but it was as much anger as it was embarrassment. Penny hated that he knew how tight money was for her. Hated knowing that he was able, with a few clicks of a mouse, to clear away the bills that had been plaguing her. Hated that it was a relief to have that particular worry off her shoulders.
Mostly though, she hated being this close to Colton again because it reminded her that wanting what you couldn’t have was just an exercise in self-torture.
“I don’t need a white knight in a black SUV riding to the rescue.”
“You sure as hell need something, Penny.”
“Don’t curse in front of the twins.”
He stared at her. “They’re eight months old. I don’t think they’re listening to us.”
“You have no idea what they hear or remember.”
Grumbling under his breath, he pushed back from the table, the chair legs scraping against the wood floor. When he stood up, he walked past her, across the room, heading for the coffeepot. Along the way, he trailed his fingers across the top of Riley’s head. He looked back at Penny as he poured two cups of coffee. “You can hardly stand without wincing. You’ve got two kids to take care of. Why’re you fighting my help?”
Why? Because having him here tore at her. Her emotions felt flayed. Being with Colt was too hard. Too nebulous. He was here today but he’d be gone tomorrow and she knew it. The question was, why didn’t he know it? He was always looking for a way to risk his life. How long would he last in a beach cottage in a sleepy town where the only risk was fighting diaper rash?
“Because you don’t belong here, Colt,” she said, idly pushing Reid’s scattered Cheerios into a pile for him. “I’m not going to count on your ‘help’ only to watch it disappear.”
Shaking his head, he carried both cups of coffee across the room and handed one to her. “I told you. This is different.” He waved his cup at the twins. “They make it different.”
“For how long?”
“What?”
Her hands curled around the coffee cup, drawing the heat into her palms, sending it rushing through her veins, dispelling the chill she felt. “We were married for a single day before you ended it. You left and never looked back. I won’t let you do that to my kids.”
“Who says I will?”
“I do,” she said, gathering together every last, ragged thread of her remaining self-control. “You live your life with risk, Colt. But I don’t. And I won’t let my kids live that way, either. Most especially, I won’t risk my children’s heartbreak on a father who will eventually turn his back and walk away.”
* * *
“So where is she?”
Late that afternoon, Connor looked around the small living room as if half expecting to find Penny huddled under a throw pillow.
“She’s taking a nap,” Colt answered and dropped onto the couch. The overstuffed cushions felt so good, he thought he just might stay there for a year or two. “So are the twins.”
Connor stuffed his hands into his slacks pockets and rocked back on his heels. “Well, wake ’em up. I want to meet my niece and nephew.”
Stunned, Colt stared at his brother for a second. “Are you nuts? This is the first chance I’ve had to sit down in three hours.” His eyes narrowed on his twin. “Wake them up and die.”
Connor chuckled, walked to the nearest chair and plopped down into it. “Don’t look now, but you sound like a beleaguered housewife.”
He frowned at that, then shrugged. “Never again will I say the phrase ‘just a housewife.’ How the hell do women do it? I’ve been here two days and I’m beat. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of two babies...” He paused, let his head drop to the couch back and added, “women are made of way tougher stuff than us, Con. Trust me.”
He stared unseeing up at the beam-and-plaster ceiling overhead and wondered how Penny had coped all alone for the last eight months. Hell, during her pregnancy? A stir of something that felt a lot like regret moved through him and Colt frowned to himself. Yeah, he’d missed a hell of a lot that he would never get back. But she’d been here. On her own, except for her brother—and Robert was an intern so he couldn’t have been around much—so how had she done it all?
Okay, yeah, she had been behind on her bills, but the house was clean, the kids were happy and healthy, and she was building her own business. He had to admire that even while it irritated him still that she’d never contacted him. That she refused to need him.
“Was this house built by elves?” Connor muttered. “I’m getting claustrophobia just sitting here.” He glanced up at the ceiling. “Why is that so close?”
Colt sighed. “I almost knocked myself out this morning,” he admitted. “I slept on the couch and when the twins cried I jumped up, ran to their room and smacked my forehead on the door frame.”
Con held up one finger. “Excuse me? You slept on the couch?”
“Shut up.”
“How the mighty have fallen.” Con leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his thighs. “Word of this gets out, your rep is shot.”
“Word of this gets out,” Colt told him, “I’ll know who to blame.”
“Point taken.” Connor leaned back in his chair again with a good-natured shrug. “So, tell me about them. What’s it been like?”
Colt laughed and speared one hand through his hair. “Let’s see. This morning they dropped my wallet into the toilet, pulled flowers from the pots on the back porch and threw blueberry yogurt onto the kitchen floor just to watch it splat.”
Connor grinned. “Sounds normal. And crazy-making.”
“You got that right,” Colt said on a tired sigh. “How the hell did Penny manage on her own? Not only did she take care of the twins, but she’s running a photography business, too. I don’t know when she finds the time to pause long enough to take photos of other people’s kids when the twins demand constant supervision.”
Con laughed outright. “Since when do you start using words like supervision?”
Embarrassed, Colt said, “Since I discovered that climbing Everest is nothing compared to giving those two babies a bath. After the yogurt incident, I threw ’em both in the tub and wound up looking like a flood survivor by the end of it.”
“And you’re loving it?”