she supposed. He was an only child like her, so there were no nieces or nephews to get involved with, and his friends were very much like him. Generally they were single sports-obsessed professionals with no fixed girlfriend. Yet to see him now you’d think Gabriel came into contact with four-year-olds every day of the week. She felt a tug at her heart and shook herself. She had deliberately banished those ridiculous feelings from yesterday’s lunch. It was just cold feet about making things permanent with Ed, that was all.
‘I’m not really just Lucy’s friend, Gabriel, you know,’ she heard him telling the child. ‘I just let Lucy think that—it’s part of my cover. I’m really Sonic Man. I can hear things that happen miles and miles away. That’s my super power, just like you can climb walls and spin webs.’
Lucy watched the small dark head looking up at Gabriel. ‘My nana’s in the hospital,’ she heard Steven say in a small voice. ‘She got taken away in an ambulance.’
‘I know she did,’ Gabriel said. ‘Lucy told me. Your nana’s very ill, Steven, but they’re going to do the best they can to make her better. And she’s in the best place she possibly could be. There are lots of brilliant doctors there. I’m sure your mum will call soon, so try not to worry, OK?’ He smiled at Steven. ‘Shall we ask Lucy for a biscuit before you go up to bed?’
Lucy stepped back from the door in the nick of time as Steven pelted through to the kitchen looking less agitated than he had done since he’d arrived. Gabriel followed him and she shot him a grateful smile over Steven’s head. He’d made more progress with the child in ten minutes than she’d made in three hours. Steven had refused to say anything to her about his grandmother, however hard she’d tried. She itched to talk to Gabriel about it but made herself wait until Steven was settled in bed. Steven insisted on Gabriel tucking him in, and she made more coffee while she waited for him.
She held one of the mugs out as Gabriel reentered the room. ‘Here you go, Sonic Man. I think you’ve earned it.’
Gabriel looked mildly embarrassed. He took the mug from her and sat down on the sofa. ‘You were listening,’ he said.
‘It was sweet,’ she insisted, smiling at him. ‘He’s a million times happier now. I know it might be bad news tomorrow but at least he’ll get a good night’s sleep.’ She took a sip of her drink, watching him over the rim of the mug. ‘I had no idea you were such a natural with kids.’
A pause. ‘Am I?’ he said lightly. ‘I really hadn’t given it a thought.’ He seemed to be avoiding meeting her eyes but she wasn’t going to be put off that easily. Their recent discussions about her own relationship had made her realise that they never discussed his. Well, she corrected herself, only in terms of her ribbing him about being a playboy and teasing him that he couldn’t remember the name of his latest conquest. He never ever talked about how he felt in relation to any of them. She couldn’t believe she’d been wondering whether she and Gabe could ever be a couple. Especially when she already had her relationship for life all worked out. Perhaps she should try and encourage him to find someone more permanent, too. As she was his best friend that should be her role, not this mad daydreaming about something that could never and should never happen.
‘Yes,’ she said pointedly. ‘You are. You’d make a great dad. Don’t you ever think about that? About settling down and having a family?’ She watched him closely for his reaction.
He stood up and made a move towards the kitchen. ‘Got any biscuits or cakes, Lu? I’m starving.’
‘In the cupboard behind the door,’ she called after him, and waited determinedly until he returned with a handful of biscuits.
He sat down again and ran a hand distractedly through his thick dark hair. ‘So, have you given any more thought to how you’re going to propose to Ed?’ He offered her one of his biscuits with a smile.
She flapped a dismissive hand at him. ‘Don’t change the subject,’ she said purposefully.
‘I’m not!’ he protested. ‘Wasn’t your proposal the whole reason for me coming over?’
‘Technically, yes, but since you’ve been relishing pulling my lovelife apart and sticking it under a microscope, I think I deserve to be allowed to question you for a change.’ She ignored his frown and carried on. ‘I want an answer. Where do you see your future? Do you want a family one day, or do you plan to just cruise on through life rudderless?’
Gabriel gave a cold little laugh. ‘I don’t want to talk about it, Lucy, so let’s just get back on task, shall we?’ His grey eyes, normally full of warmth for her, flashed dark and dangerous.
Lucy pretended not to notice how agitated he was becoming. His reluctance to talk only spurred her on. She knew, of course, why he was so on edge. She was skirting around the issue of Alison. But after talking to his mother she couldn’t help thinking it would be for his own good if Gabriel did open up about Alison and how he felt. After the embarrassment of that day in Oxford, she hadn’t permitted herself the easy luxury of disliking Alison. She couldn’t let herself feel jealous because that would be to admit that she cared. Alison had been a sweet and kind person and Lucy had genuinely liked her.
‘Don’t brush me off like that, Gabe.’ She leaned forward in her chair and grabbed his hand impulsively. He looked down at it, concealing his face from her so she couldn’t read any emotion. ‘Don’t you think it’s time you let go?’ she said gently.
He didn’t look up and his voice was mechanically neutral. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ He pulled his hand away from hers and she was suddenly left clutching fresh air. She looked down at her empty fingers and shook her head. No way was she letting this slide now.
‘Yes, you do,’ she said, firmly and deliberately.
He still didn’t look up.
‘You forget, Gabriel, that I knew Alison, too,’ she said softly, as much to herself as to him. ‘She was lovely, Gabe. Women can be really gossipy, you know, really catty sometimes. But not her. And she was never once bothered by me—do you remember that? All your new conquests can’t stand you having a female best mate, but Alison just saw me as someone to go shopping with, who she could moan to about your rugby obsession. I can understand why you were so devastated when she died, but do you really think she’d want this? You, the eternal bachelor, never moving on? The Alison I knew would have wanted more for you.’
She paused, wondering if she’d gone too far. God, Lucy, you never ask him about the girl for nigh on ten years and then put him on the spot. You’ll be lucky if he ever speaks to you again. Is that really what you wanted? For a moment there was silence in the room, and still Gabriel didn’t look up at her. He simply stared down at his glass of wine. But then, just as she was wondering if she really should let the subject drop after all, he spoke.
‘We talked sometimes about having kids,’ he said quietly, almost to himself. She had to strain to pick up on what he was saying because she couldn’t see his lips move. ‘She always used to say she wanted six. A tribe, she called it.’ He uttered a strangled laugh. ‘It sounded a good plan to me. I’d always wanted a big family.’
‘I never knew that,’ Lucy said gently, marvelling that she’d known him most of her life and yet he’d never mentioned it. And worse, she’d never thought to ask him. How shameful that was. ‘You never told me.’
‘Yeah, well, I didn’t want to do any of it without her so there wasn’t much point telling you, was there?’ he said quietly and glanced up at her for the first time since he’d started talking. His eyes were dry and his voice showed no sign of emotion. Lucy tried to put a finger on how he sounded. Empty. He sounded empty.
There was a long pause. Lucy forced herself not to speak, hoping that he would continue. He was looking down at his hands.
‘I didn’t want to do any of it without Alison,’ he said eventually. ‘Without her I’d rather not do it at all. I didn’t even want to think of having a family, being a husband or a dad, because she was