A round of gasps and sympathetic sounds came from the group.
“Is Rollo all right?” Harlie asked.
“Yeah, but he’s real torn up about it. His youngest daughter survived the crash. Rollo wasn’t with his family at the time, but he may not be able to return until the end of the summer fire season. It’ll take him some time to get things sorted out. We’ll hold his position open for the time being,” Jared said.
That meant the leadership of their crew had all but been wiped out. So, who was going to lead the team?
“Sean has been selected as your new superintendent,” Jared continued. “I know you’ll agree he’s highly qualified to be your crew leader and you’ll give him the respect due to his position. Since Rollo will be gone for the time being, I’m counting on all of you to help Sean with that extra work.”
Tessa’s mouth dropped open. She hadn’t expected this. No, not at all. Her ears felt clogged, like she was submerged under water. Not in a million years had she thought Sean would be her boss. The leader of the entire hotshot crew.
Hearing the news, Pete sucked in a startled breath. Harlie and Tank’s expressions remained stoic. And Tessa knew why. Most of them had been there that fateful day when Zach had died. They weren’t sure that Sean was up to this new task. At least, not so soon.
Why hadn’t Sean told her about his promotion? Yesterday, in her apartment, he’d had plenty of opportunity. A year ago she would have felt proud and delighted by the news. But right now she couldn’t help wondering if he could be trusted to look after the crew’s well-being.
The men broke into mild applause, but she could see the doubt in some of their eyes.
Tessa forced herself to clap her hands. She did so with misgivings. After all, Sean had been a squad leader when Zach was killed. But what if he’d been too inattentive, or took an unnecessary risk? It could have been a simple error. One little bad decision that had gotten Zach killed. A tiny bit of information that had been excluded from the incident report. It was one thing to see Sean every day. To work around him and interact. But taking orders from him as he steered the crew through numerous dangerous situations was another matter entirely.
It appeared that she had no choice. Not if she wanted her job.
“Okay, I think that’s it. Stay safe out there, take care of each other and fight fire.” With a satisfied nod, Jared made his exit to return to the forest supervisor’s office.
Tessa didn’t say a word as Harlie slid a disc into the overhead projector and Pete switched off the lights so they could watch a training film on how to deploy their new fire shelters. She tried to focus, but her gaze kept wandering over to Sean. Dressed like the rest of the team in a navy blue T-shirt, spruce-green pants and a pair of White’s vibram-soled fire boots, he sat on a corner of the desk at the front of the room. He folded his muscular arms, his jaw locked as he stared at the overhead screen.
He turned his head and pinned Tessa with a gaze so intense that she actually squirmed. She looked away quickly, trying to forget what this man had once meant to her. Trying to push aside her doubts over his possible role in Zach’s death.
A short time later the crew went outside to exercise. They started with calisthenics and graduated to a three-mile hike up a sharp incline with their forty-five-pound packs on their backs. Tessa stifled a groan and focused on the space right in front of her feet. Good thing she’d kept herself in top physical condition during the winter months or she wouldn’t have been able to keep up. She did everything she was asked to do, trying to numb her mind to the arduous months ahead. And when the workday was through, she felt exhausted and as confused as ever.
She was the last of her crew to leave for the day. Darkness covered the earth as she headed outside to her truck. The comforting chirp of crickets came from the cluster of boxwoods edging the length of the garage. She glanced at the gleaming lights of the office. At the last moment she veered off course and headed that way. She didn’t know what was driving her, but she had to speak with Sean alone, before she could chicken out. She wanted to find out what he thought about his new assignment. And maybe she might even get him to finally open up and confide in her.
* * *
Sean sat at his new desk, his head bowed over a stack of reports and unopened mail. He knew this job well, but with Brian’s sudden departure, there was a lot to catch up on.
As he reached for the letter opener, a subtle noise drew his attention. He looked up, a rush of surprise washing over him. Tessa stood leaning against the doorjamb, contemplating him with a slight frown.
“Busy at work, I see,” she said.
Was it his imagination, or did her voice sound a bit disapproving? He didn’t want any conflict with her right now. Not when he was working so hard to regain the crew’s trust. He’d seen the way the men had looked at him after the FMO announced his promotion. The doubt and hesitancy in their eyes. He’d been a member of this crew for years. If this was his last season fighting fire, he was determined to prove himself worthy of the team.
“Do you need something?” He spoke in a brusque tone.
She folded her arms. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
“About your new promotion.”
He sat back, his chair squeaking. “I only found out myself last night, after I left you.”
Which was true. He’d known Brian had eloped and was crazy in love. That his new wife lived in Portland and refused to leave. Which meant Brian had to drive six hundred miles one way every weekend to be with her. It was an impossible endeavor once the hotshot crew got busy with the fire season. Sean had known it was just a matter of time before Brian left the squad and someone else was named superintendent. Until last night, he’d expected that to be Rollo. But making arrangements to bury his wife and eldest daughter and help his younger daughter cope with the loss would take some time, so the captain was out of commission for a while. As one of the crew’s two squad leaders, Sean had gotten the job. It had just been one of those things where he was at the right place at the right time for a promotion. But he hadn’t known for sure until he’d received the call from Jared.
Tessa tilted her head and peered at him as though seeking the truth in his eyes. “Did you suspect this was going to happen?”
He tightened his jaw. “I don’t know much of anything until they tell me. You know how it works.”
“How do you feel about this new assignment?” she asked.
“I feel fine. Why do you ask?” And yet he didn’t feel fine. There had been a time when he would have loved such a promotion. But now he worried that he wasn’t up to the task. He didn’t think he could cope if he lost another man, or woman, under his watch.
She dropped her arms to her sides and came to stand in front of his scarred wooden desk. Sean’s gaze followed her graceful movements. An old, lingering emotion of attraction filtered through his veins. Why did it have to be this woman who made his heart sing?
“A lot happened last summer,” she said.
“And what’s that got to do with my promotion?”
She lifted a hand, her face creased with exasperation. “Nothing, I guess.”
She obviously didn’t trust him. Didn’t think he was up to his new assignment. And that bothered him intensely. Because he wanted her to believe in him, even if he no longer believed in himself.
He forced himself to sit very still and not react. But inside, he felt grouchy. He wasn’t sleeping well. Always on edge. Crowded rooms made him anxious. His heart raced and his palms got clammy for no apparent reason. The lingering symptoms of PTSD. He still hadn’t been able to claw his way out, but he didn’t want to tell Tessa that. It was difficult to pretend their breakup wasn’t hinged on Zach’s death, but Sean knew that was the real cause. He just didn’t know how