Andrew Gilbrook

An Ordinary Guy, Operation Saponify


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I asked her quietly

      “Do what you have to do, I know what you need to do, I get it,” Karen wasn’t cross or angry, this was me at work now, but also having fun.

      “I want you to know, whatever happens, I love you, only you,” I told Karen

      “Likewise,” and Karen kissed me on the lips to confirm her love just as Jenny returned.

      “Oh, you two what are you like, as soon as I leave the room you are at it. I hope you haven’t been discussing my boobs again, you know what happened last time”

      “Well, your boobs are a big subject, takes a lot of talking about,” I said jokingly

      Karen joined in the thread, “Andy, between us two who has the best boobs, in your opinion?”

      “That’s a tough question, one I’m sitting next to the girl I love and two I’ve only ever seen your boobs,” I replied a little shocked

      “Come on Jenny show Andy your tits,” Karen laughing now

      “Nooo,” I cried, “Don’t, I’ll be embarrassed. I have a better idea, let’s play ‘Did you ever’,” I thought I needed to get Jenny relaxed and talking freely.

      Everyone agreed it would be fun to play and now we were on our third bottle of wine and Jenny with about three tots of vodka extra. So we played and as always with games like this the ‘Did you ever’ questions got dirtier and ruder. Karen and Jenny were so funny, I couldn’t begin to describe to you, you had to be there with more than a bottle of wine inside you. We laughed so much Jenny’s questions were always the dirtiest and I noticed Jenny placed the occasional hand on my leg as I sat with Karen laying on my shoulder, Jenny’s touches were becoming more brazen and Karen didn’t flinch at all, she must have noticed too. After an hour or so playing the game, I think we knew just about everything about each other, especially our sex lives. Mine was simple, I’d only ever been with Karen. Karen, on the other hand, had surprised me with her answers. I now knew she had seen both her parents naked, had never kissed a girl before, had sex once in a public place, had a wee in a public place, had watched porn and masturbated while doing so. As for Jenny, I found out she had seen her mum naked but not her dad, she had kissed a girl and at university had sex with her female roommate more than once, to this answer Karen had asked Jenny if she had any thoughts about having sex with her, and Jenny had replied

      “Yes of course, why not, you are so perfect, so sexy,” to which Karen replied,

      “I had no idea you thought like that,” in the ’70s being openly gay was still frowned upon and ridiculed and men were still being imprisoned for “unnatural offences,” but women were less prone to prosecution. Jenny continued to explain

      “I’m not lesbian, I enjoy both, I’d call myself bi-sexual,” I’d not heard this term before I hadn’t even thought about it. I was 21 and still very green on the subject of sex. Karen had been my only partner and sex teacher.

      I got up from the sofa to get yet more drinks, I didn’t spike Jenny’s now, she’d had enough and I didn’t want her to collapse or something, I still needed her to be capable of knowing what she was talking about. There was dance music on Karen’s Bang & Olufsen music system and as I walked to the drinks cabinet, I kind of danced to the music across the room. I don’t normally dance at all, but I was relaxed, a little drunk and this evening I was in fantastic company. As I poured the drinks, prompted by my display, the girls got up and started to dance themselves. They danced in a kind of arms up style with plenty of loud whooping and noise, they were having so much fun. I returned with the drinks, trying hard not to spill them shuffling around the dancing girls, placed them on the table and made an attempt at my no-dad style of dance with them. 1976 was a very hot year and even with the air conditioning, it was feeling quite warm now. The two girls decided it was time to take off their tops. They danced as they stripped to their bras and miniskirts, it was a very sexy sight I have to say. As one song ended they embraced each other laughing and Karen reached around and removed Jenny’s bra, hugging each other so her boobs were not visible. Jenny repeated the action on Karen and in a moment they were both topless, dancing close in each other’s arms. I stood for a moment to take in the scene, and what a sexy scene it was. Karen reached out for me to join the huddle, slow dancing in the middle of the room the three of us slowly circling laughing and enjoying the dance. When the song ended our little group broke up to take a sip of drinks, Jenny asked the question

      “OK, Andy, now you see me, who has the best tits?”

      “Wow that’s a difficult question, how can I answer that you are asking me to judge the love of my life, but Jenny I love you too,” I studied the boobs of the two girls who were dancing slowly in a kind of slow stripper style rolling their hips around.

      “Hmmm, I’m going to have to announce the winner is . . . drum roll . . . for the reason that Jenny’s boobs are firm and completely defying gravity . . . yet Karen’s are in my opinion slightly larger and the perfect shape, with the best perfect nipples and areola . . . oh this is so difficult,”

      “Come on Andy, don’t be shy, I won’t take offence if you pick Jenny, she is so beautiful and cute and look at those double D’s,” Karen was trying to help me, she knew I was playing Jenny this evening.

      I took hold of the two girl’s hands like a boxing referee announcing the result.

      “I have to announce, the winner is . . . a draw,” and I raised both girl’s arms as winners.

      “Ohhhh,” both girls cried out together, “Coward” and other remarks aimed at my cowardice.

      “No, really both of you are fantastic, a man couldn’t ask for better,” I tried badly to disguise my cowardly competition result. Everyone laughed and the music machine continued to play dance music, so we danced, with the girls remaining topless.

      We had a great evening with Jenny non-stop pestering me to give her the information I had on the German. She had found out by now that I had a piece of paper in my back pocket with the details of the Nazi. But I wouldn’t let her grab hold of it. Why was she so desperate to get it I wondered? I thought she wanted to know about Hitler. We had so many laughs that evening, eventually, at about 1am, as Jenny went to the bathroom, Karen took me by the hand and led me to her bedroom. It didn’t take us long to get undressed and lay on the bed. As I undressed, I removed the notepaper from my back pocket and hid it in Karen’s knicker drawer. We kissed naked and Karen whispered,

      “Did you get what you wanted from Jenny?”

      “Not yet,” I replied,” I’m still playing her, I have to push her hard to expose her if there is something to expose,” we laughed at the irony of my statement. Given the girl's state of undress most of the evening.

      With that Jenny burst into the bedroom pouting,

      “Hey, you two, you left me, Andy hasn’t given me the name yet, and now I’m just a lonely gooseberry,” she was still topless and her slight anger didn’t fit the way she was dressed. It looked slightly comical. Karen and I didn’t flinch in our nakedness, Jenny had seen us like this before in the office anyway, drink and at ease with each other as friends it was just natural to remain where we were on the bed uncovered.

      “Oh come on Jenny,” Karen spoke sympathetically, “sorry, to leave you unannounced, come and give us a kiss goodnight,” Jenny knelt on the bed leaned down to kiss me, I turned to accept the kiss which caused the kiss to hit my lips rather than the left cheek that she was aiming for, she was a nice kisser. Karen put her hand on Jenny’s back and Jenny moved across to her to kiss her too. My goodness her boobs looked sexy, as she crawled over me they hung down and dragged over my body. Their kiss became a little extended, became less of a kiss goodnight, more a kiss of passion, of lust. Karen naked and Jenny topless, it was such a sexy scene, the kiss became a full-on snog, to use a term of the time. I lay on the bed taking in the two girls becoming more and more passionate in their kisses and embrace, hands beginning to wander over each other’s bodies. After a while, it was my turn to exclaim,

      “Hey, now I’m the gooseberry here,”