it wasn’t simple. There was nothing simple about Joshua Stoltzfus appearing at her door to ask her to become his wife. As he’d assured her, he wasn’t ab in kopp. In fact, Joshua—up until today—had been the sanest man she’d ever met.
“Because we could help each other. Isn’t that what a husband and wife are? Helpmeets?” He cleared his throat. “I would rather marry a woman I know and respect as a friend. We’ve both married once for love, and we’ve both lost the ones we love. Is it wrong to be more practical this time?”
Every inch of her wanted to shout, “Ja!” But his words made sense.
She had married Lloyd because she’d been infatuated with him and the idea of being his wife, so much so that she had convinced herself while they were courting to ignore how rough and demanding he had been with her when she’d caught the odor of beer on his breath. She’d accepted his excuses and his reassurances it wouldn’t happen again...even when it had. She’d been blinded by love. How much better would it be to marry with her eyes wide open? No surprises and a husband whom she counted among her friends.
A pulse of excitement rushed up through her. She could escape, at last, from this farm, which had become a prison of pain and grief and second-guessing herself while she spun lies to protect the very person who had hurt her. She’d be a fool not to agree immediately.
Once she would have asked for time to pray about her decision, but she’d stopped reaching out to God when He hadn’t delivered her from Lloyd’s abuse. She believed in Him, and she trusted God to take care of the great issues of the world. Those kept Him so busy He didn’t have time for small problems like hers.
“All right,” she said. “I will marry you.”
“Really?” He appeared shocked, as if he hadn’t thought she’d agree quickly.
“Ja.” She didn’t add anything more, because there wasn’t anything more to say. They would be wed, for better and for worse. And she was sure the worse couldn’t be as bad as her marriage to Lloyd.
Rebekah straightened her son’s shirt. Even though Sammy was almost three, she continued to make his shirts with snaps at the bottom like a boppli’s gown. They kept his shirt from popping out the back of his pants and flapping behind him.
“It’s time to go downstairs,” she said to him as she glanced at her mamm, who sat on the bed in the room that once had been Rebekah and Lloyd’s. “Grossmammi can’t wait to have you sit with her.”
“Sit with Mamm.” His lower lip stuck out in a pout.
“But I have cookies.” Almina Mast smiled at her grandson. She was a tiny woman, and her hair was the same white as her kapp. With a kind heart and a generous spirit, she and her husband Uriah had hoped for more kinder, but Rebekah had been their only one. The love they had heaped on her now was offered to Sammy.
“Cookies? Ja, ja!” He danced about to his tuneless song.
Mamm put a finger to her lips. “Quiet boys get cookies.”
Sammy stilled, and Rebekah almost smiled at his antics. If she’d smiled, it would have been the first time since Joshua had asked her to marry three weeks ago. Since then the time had sped past like the landscape outside the window when she rode in an Englischer’s van last week while they’d gone to Lancaster to get their marriage license. Otherwise she hadn’t seen him. She understood he was busy repairing equipment damaged during last year’s harvest.
“Blessings on you, Rebekah.” Mamm kissed her cheek. “May God bless you and bring you even more happiness with your second husband than he did with your first.”
Rebekah stiffened. Did Mamm know the truth of how Lloyd had treated her? No, Mamm simply was wishing her a happy marriage.
A shiver ached along her stiff shoulders. Nobody knew what had happened in the house she’d shared with Lloyd. And she had no idea what life was like in Joshua Stoltzfus’s home. His wife had always been cheerful when they’d been together, but so had Rebekah. Joshua showed affection for his wife and his kinder...as Lloyd had when he was sober.
She’d chosen the wrong man to marry once. What if she was making the same mistake? How well did she know Joshua Stoltzfus? At least she and Lloyd had courted for a while. She was walking into this marriage blind. Actually she was entering into it with her eyes wide open. She was familiar with the dark side of what Lloyd had called love. His true love had been for beer. She would watch closely and be prepared if Joshua began to drink. She would leave and return to her farm.
When Mamm left with Sammy, Rebekah kneaded her hands together. She was getting remarried. If tongues wagged because Lloyd hadn’t been dead for a year, she hadn’t heard it. She guessed most of the Leit here and in Paradise Springs thought she’d been smart to accept the proposal from a man willing to raise her two kinder along with his own.
The door opened again, and Leah Beiler and Joshua’s sister Esther came in. They were serving as her attendants.
“What a lovely bride!” Leah gushed, and Rebekah wondered if Leah was thinking about when the day would come for her marriage to Joshua’s younger brother Ezra. Leah was preparing to become a church member, and that was an important step toward marriage. Even though nothing had been announced and wouldn’t be until the engagement was published two weeks before the marriage, it was generally suspected that the couple, who’d been separated for ten years, planned to wed in the fall.
Esther brushed invisible dust off the royal blue sleeve of Rebekah’s dress. For this one day, Rebekah would be forgiven for not wearing black as she should for a year of mourning.
“Ja,” Esther said as she moved to stand behind Rebekah. “It makes your eyes look an even prettier blue. Let us help you with your apron.”
Every bride wore a white apron to match her kapp on her wedding day. She shouldn’t have worn it again until she was buried with it, but Rebekah was putting it on for a second time today. Pulling it over her head, she slipped her arms through and let the sheer fabric settle on her dress.
“Oh.” Esther chuckled. “There may be a problem.”
Rebekah looked down and realized her wedding apron was stretched tightly across her belly. Looking over her shoulder at the other two women who were focused on the tabs that closed it with straight pins at the back, she asked, “Are they long enough?”
“I think so.” Leah muttered something under her breath, then said, “There. They’re pinned.”
“Will it hold? It will be humiliating if one of the pins popped when I kneel.”
“We’ll pray they will stay in place.” Esther chuckled. “If one goes flying, it’ll make for a memorable wedding service.”
Leah laughed, too. “I’m going to make my apron tabs extra long on my aprons from now on.”
Rebekah couldn’t manage more than a weak smile. “That’s a gut idea.”
The door opened and Joshua’s daughter, Deborah, peeked in. “The ministers and the bishop have come in. Are you ready to go down?”
“Ja,” Rebekah replied, though she wanted to climb out the window and run as far away as she could. What had she been thinking when she’d told Joshua yes? She was marrying a man whom she didn’t love, a man who needed someone to watch his kinder and keep his house. She should have stopped this before it started. Now it was too late for second thoughts, but she was having second thoughts and third and fourth ones.
As she followed the others down the stairs to the room where the service was to be held, she tried not to think of the girl she’d been the last time she’d made this journey. It was impossible. She’d been optimistic and naive and in love as she’d walked on air to marry Lloyd Burkholder.
A