As she entered the room where more than two hundred guests stood, her gaze riveted on Joshua who waited among the men on the far side of the room. The sight of him dressed in his very best clothing and flanked by his two sons made the whole of this irrevocably real.
It has to be better than being married to Lloyd, she reminded herself. She and Sammy and her boppli wouldn’t have to hide in an outbuilding as they had on nights when Lloyd had gone on a drunken rampage. She’d seen Joshua with his late wife, and he’d been an attentive husband. When Lloyd had teased him about doing a woman’s work after Joshua brought extra lemonade out to the porch for them to enjoy, Joshua had laughed away his words.
But he doesn’t love you. This is little more than a business arrangement.
She hoped none of her thoughts were visible as she affixed a smile in place and went with Leah and Esther to the bench facing the men’s. As they sat so the service could begin, Sammy waved to her from where he perched next to Mamm. She smiled at him, a sincere smile this time. She was doing this for him. There was no price too high to give him a safe home.
Squaring her shoulders, she prepared herself to speak the words that would tie her life to Joshua Stoltzfus’s for the rest of their lives.
* * *
Joshua put a hand on his younger son’s shoulder. Levi always had a tough time sitting still, but the boy wiggled more every second as the long service went on. Usually Levi sat with the unmarried men and boys, where his squirming wasn’t a problem. Maybe Joshua shouldn’t have asked him to be one of his Newehockers, but Levi would have been hurt if Timothy had been asked and he hadn’t.
He smiled his approval at Levi when the boy stopped shifting around on the bench. He meant to look at Reuben Lapp, their bishop who was preaching about the usual wedding service verses from the seventh chapter of the Book of Corinthians. His gaze went to Rebekah, who sat with her head slightly bowed.
Her red hair seemed to catch fire in the sunshine. A faint smile tipped the corners of her mouth, and he thought of how her eyes sparkled when she laughed. Were they bright with silver sparks now?
He’d almost forgotten how to breathe when he’d seen her walk into the room. This beautiful woman would be his wife. Even though tomorrow she would return to wearing black for the rest of her year of mourning for Lloyd, the rich blue of her dress beneath her white apron banished the darkness of her grief from her face. He felt blessed that she’d agreed to become his wife.
Joshua shook that thought out of his head. He was no lovesick young man who had won the heart of the girl he’d dreamed of marrying. Instead of letting his mind wander away on such thoughts, he should be listening to Reuben.
At the end of the sermon, the bishop said, “As we are gathered here to witness this marriage, it would seem there can’t be any objections to it.”
Beside Joshua, his oldest mumbled, “As if that would do any gut.”
Joshua glanced at Timothy. His son hadn’t voiced any protests about the marriage plans in the weeks since Joshua had told his kinder Rebekah was to be his wife. Why now?
“Let the two who wish to marry come forward,” Reuben said, saving Joshua from having to point out that Timothy could have raised his concerns earlier.
Or was his son taking the opportunity to be unpleasant, as he’d often been since he’d turned sixteen? Now was not the time to try to figure that out. Now was the time to do what was right for his kinder and Rebekah’s while he fulfilled his promise to his best friend.
Joshua stood and watched as Rebekah did the same a bit more slowly. When he held out his hand to her, she took it. Relief rushed through him because he’d been unsure if she would. He should say something to her, but what? Danki? That wasn’t what a bridegroom said to his future wife as they prepared to exchange vows.
He led her to Reuben, who smiled warmly at them. Joshua released Rebekah’s hand and felt strangely alone. Of the more than two hundred people in the room, she was the only one who knew the truth of why they were getting married. He was glad they’d been honest with each other when he’d asked her to marry. Now there would be no misunderstandings between them, and they should be able to have a comfortable life.
Is that what you want? A comfortable life?
His conscience had been nagging him more as their wedding day drew closer. Every way he examined their arrangement, it seemed to be the best choice for them.
As long as you don’t add love into the equation, or do you think you don’t deserve love?
Ridiculous question. He’d had the love of his life with his first wife. No man should expect to have such a gift a second time.
“Is everything all right?” Reuben asked quietly.
Realizing the battle within him must have altered his expression, Joshua nodded. “Better than all right.” He didn’t look at Rebekah. If her face showed she was having second thoughts, too, he wasn’t sure he could go through with the marriage. No matter how much they needed each other’s help.
“Gut.” Raising his voice to be heard throughout the room, the bishop asked, “My brother, do you take our sister to be your wife until such hour as when death parts you? Do you believe this is the Lord’s will, and your prayers and faith have brought you to each other?”
“Ja.”
Reuben looked at Rebekah and asked her the same, and Joshua felt her quiver. Or was he the one shaking? When she replied ja, he released the breath he’d been holding.
The bishop led them through their vows, and they promised to be loyal and stand beside each other no matter what challenges they faced. Rebekah’s voice became steadier with each response. After Reuben placed her right hand in Joshua’s right hand and blessed them, he declared them man and wife.
The simple words struck Joshua as hard as if a half-finished buggy had collapsed on him. Wife. Rebekah Burkholder was his wife. He was no longer a widower. He was a married man with four kinder and another on the way. The bonds that connected him to Matilda had been supplanted by the ones he had just made with Rebekah.
But I will love you always, Tildie.
He glanced guiltily at his new wife and saw her own face had grown so pale that her freckles stood out like chocolate chips in a cookie. Was she thinking the same thing about Lloyd?
It might not be an auspicious beginning for their marriage that their first thoughts after saying their vows were focused on the loves they had lost.
* * *
Rebekah stifled a yawn as the family buggy slowed to a stop in front of a simple house that was larger than the one she’d shared with Lloyd. The trip from Bird-in-Hand had taken almost a half hour, and Sammy had fallen asleep on her lap. He’d spent the day running around with the other youngsters. She had planned to have him sleep in his own bed tonight until Joshua asked her to return with him to his house. She’d hesitated, because a thunderstorm was brewing to the west. Even when he’d told her, with a wink, that it was his way of getting her away from the cleanup work at the end of their wedding day, she had hesitated. She’d agreed after Mamm had reminded her that a gut wife heeded her husband’s wishes.
Joshua’s three kinder sat behind them, and when she looked back she saw the two younger ones had fallen asleep, too. Timothy sat with his arms folded over his chest, and he was scowling. That seemed to be his favorite expression.
A flash caught her eye. Through the trees to the left glowed the bright lights she knew came from the house where the Englischers lived. She’d always had plain neighbors, and she hadn’t thought about how the darkness at day’s end would be disturbed by the glare of electric lights.
“The Grangers are gut neighbors,” Joshua said as if she’d spoken her thoughts aloud. “That’s their back porch light. They don’t turn it on unless they’re going to be out after dark, and they’re considerate enough to turn it off when they get home. Brad put up a motion-detector