‘She’s spoiling those two lads. Listen to them. Silly as a tin of worms.’
Right now her hair was wet, the waves curling, twisting and spiralling. He’d loved her hair.
He loved her hair.
How had he managed without this woman for so long?
The same way he’d managed without his boys, he told himself harshly. One moment at a time. One step after another. Getting through each day, one by one.
Julie must feel the same. He’d seen the death of the light behind her eyes. Being together, their one-step-at-a-time rule had faltered. They could only go on if they didn’t think, didn’t let themselves remember.
But Julie wasn’t dead now. She was very much alive. Her eyes were dancing with pleasure and her laughter was almost that of the Julie of years ago. Young. Free.
She turned and saw him and the laughter faded, just like that.
‘Rob!’ Danny said with satisfaction. ‘You’re all black. Julie says she doesn’t have enough soap to get all the black off.’
‘There’s enough left.’ Julie rose quickly—a little too quickly. Before he could stop himself he’d reached out and caught her. He held her arms as she stepped over the edge of the bath. She was soaking. She’d been using some sort of lemon soap, the one she’d always used, and suddenly he realised where that citrus scent came from. She smelled... She felt...
‘You’re not clean yet,’ he managed and she smiled. She was only six inches away from him. He was holding her. He could just tug...
He didn’t tug. This was Julie. She’d been laughing and the sight of him had stopped that laughter.
They’d destroy each other. They’d pretty much decided that, without ever speaking it out loud. Four years ago they’d walked away from each other for good reason.
How could you live with your own hurt when you saw it reflected in another’s eyes, day after day? Moment after moment.
A miracle. He needed a miracle.
It’s Christmas, he thought inconsequentially. That’s what I want for Christmas, Santa. I’ve saved Danny. We’re safe and our house is safe, but I’m greedy. A third miracle. Please...
‘I’m clean apart from my clothes,’ Julie managed, shaking her hair like a dog so that water sprayed over him. It hit his face, cool and delicious. Some hit his lips and he tasted it. Tasted Julie?
‘I’ll go change if you can take over here,’ Julie said. ‘Danny, is it okay if Rob comes under the water, too?’
‘Yes,’ Danny said. ‘He’s my friend. But you can both fit.’
‘I need to find some clean clothes and something your mum can wear,’ Julie told him. ‘And some dog food. And some food for us.’
‘The freezer...’
‘I’ve hooked it to the generator so I can save the solar power for important stuff,’ she said and deliberately she tugged away from him. It hurt that she pulled back. He wanted to hold her. ‘Like the lights on the Christmas tree.’
‘So we have Christmas lights and there’s enough to eat?’ he asked, trying hard to concentrate on practicalities.
‘If need be, we have enough to live on for weeks.’
‘Will we stay here for weeks?’ Danny asked and Rob saw a shadow cross Julie’s face. It was an act then, he thought, laughing and playing with the child. The pain was still there. She’d managed to push it away while she’d helped Danny have fun but it was with her still. Every time she saw a child...
And every time she saw him. She glanced up at him and he saw the hurt, the bleakness and the same certainty that this was a transient, enforced connection. If they were to survive they had to move on.
He knew it for the truth. It was time it lost the power to hurt.
Miracles were thin on the ground. They’d already had two today. Was it too much to ask for just one more?
* * *
How long was frozen food safe? Where was the Internet when she needed it? Finally she decided to play safe. Using the outside barbecue—well, it had been outside but Rob had hauled it under the house during the fire so now it could be wheeled outside again—she boiled dried spaghetti and tipped over a can of spaghetti sauce. The use-by dates on both were well past, but she couldn’t figure how they could go off.
‘I reckon, come Armageddon, these suckers will survive,’ she told Rob, tipping in the sauce.
‘We might have to do something a bit more imaginative tomorrow,’ Rob told her. Washed and dressed in clean jeans and T-shirt, he’d found her in the kitchen. He was now examining the contents of the freezer. ‘Shall I take the turkey out?’
‘Surely the roads will be open by tomorrow.’
‘Don’t count on it,’ he said grimly. ‘Jules, I’ve been listening to the radio and the news is horrendous. We’re surrounded by miles of burned ground and the fire’s ongoing. The authorities won’t have the resources to get us out while they’re still trying to protect communities facing the fire front.’
‘Turkey it is, then,’ she said, trying to make it sound light. As if being trapped here was no big deal.
As if the presence of this man she’d once known so well wasn’t doing things to her head. And to her body.
She’d known him so well. She knew him so well.
One part of her wanted to turn away from the barbecue right now and tug him into her arms. To hold and be held. To feel what she used to take for granted.
Another part of her wanted to leave right now, hike the miles down the road away from the mountains. Sure, it would entail risks but staying close to this man held risks as well. Like remembering how much she wanted him. Like remembering how much giving your heart cost.
It had cost her everything. There was simply...nothing left.
‘Can...can I help?’ Amina stood at the doorway, Danny clinging by her side. She was dressed in a borrowed house robe of Julie’s. She looked lost, bereft, and very, very pregnant.
‘Put your feet up inside,’ Rob said roughly and Julie knew by his tone that he was as worried as she was about the girl. ‘It’s too hot out here already and Julie’s cooking. Hot food!’
‘You tell me where we can get sandwiches or salad and I’ll open my purse,’ Julie retorted. ‘Sorry, Amina, it’s spaghetti or nothing.’
‘I’d like to see my house,’ she said shyly and Julie winced.
‘It’s gone, Amina.’
‘Burned,’ Danny said. The adventure had gone out of the child. He looked scared.
‘Yes, but we have this house,’ Julie said. ‘That’s something. You can stay here for as long as you want.’
‘My husband will be looking for us,’ Amina whispered.
‘If he comes next door the first place he’ll look will be here.’
‘Will Santa know to come here?’ Danny asked. His dog was pressed by his side. He looked very small and very frightened. It was his mother’s fear, Julie thought. He’d be able to feel it.
‘Santa always knows where everyone is,’ Rob said, squatting before Danny and scratching Luka’s ears. It was intuitive, Julie thought. Danny might well recoil from a hug, but a hug to his dog was pretty much the same thing. ‘I promise.’
‘He’s found us before,’ Amina managed, but this time she couldn’t stop a sob. ‘I can’t...we were just...’
‘Where