had he lain here like this with other women? How many other women? He might not be the fastest living playboy on the planet but he wasn’t without a sex life. He just kept it a little more private than other men in his position. How many women had lain here in his arms and felt the same as her? Was what she had experienced with him run-of-the-mill sex? Or was it different? More special? More intense?
Violet knew she was being a fool for allowing her feelings to get involved. But this was Cam. Not just some hot guy she happened to fancy. Cam was a friend. Someone she had known for years and years and always admired.
They had stepped into new territory and it felt...weird, but not horribly weird. Nicely weird. Excitingly weird. Would he make love to her again? How soon? Would he get so hooked on having sex with her he would extend their ‘engagement’? What if he fell in love with her? What if he decided marriage and kids wasn’t such a bad idea? What if—?
Cam dealt with disposing of the condom and then looked down at her with a soft smile that made his eyes seem even darker. ‘Hey.’
Violet hoped he wasn’t as good at reading her mind as he was at reading her body. Her thoughts were running like ticker tape in her head. Please fall in love with me. Please.
‘Hey...’
He brushed some stray strands of hair back from her face, his smile fading as a frowning concern took up residence instead. ‘Did I hurt you?’
Violet had trouble speaking for the sudden lump in her throat. ‘N-not at all.’
He picked up another strand of hair and gently anchored it behind her ear, holding her gaze with his. ‘Sure?’
How was she supposed to keep her feelings out of this when he looked at her like that? When his hands touched her as if she were something so eminently precious to him he would rather die than hurt her? ‘I’m sure.’
He leaned down to press a soft kiss to her mouth. ‘You were wonderful.’
Violet traced the line of his mouth with her fingertip. ‘This won’t...change things between us, will it? I mean, no matter what happens, we’ll always be friends, won’t we?’
A flicker of something moved through his gaze like a passing thought leaving a shadow in its wake. ‘Of course we will.’ He took her hand and quickly kissed the ends of her fingertips before releasing it. ‘Nothing will ever change that.’
Violet wasn’t so sure. What if she couldn’t cope with going back to normal? He might be able to go back to relating to her as he had always done, but she wasn’t confident she would be able to do the same to him. How could she look at him and not think of how his mouth felt against her own? How could she not think of how his hands had stroked her most intimate flesh? How could she not think of how his body had awakened hers and made her feel things she hadn’t thought were possible to feel?
Not just physical things, but emotional things.
Things that might not be so easily set aside once their fling was over.
CAM WAITED WHILE Violet had a shower and got changed. He would have joined her but he was conscious of allowing her time to recover. God, he needed time to recover. So much for keeping his distance. So much for his self-control. Where had that gone? He hadn’t been able to resist the temptation of making love to her. So apparently they were having a fling. It didn’t feel like any fling he’d ever had before. He had never known a partner the way he knew Violet. Her trust in him had heightened the experience. Every touch, every kiss, every stroke, every whimper or gasp of hers had made his pleasure intensify. It was like having sex for the first time but not in a clumsy, awkward way, but in a magical, mutually satisfying way that left his body humming like a plucked string.
Somehow the thought of spending the afternoon working didn’t hold its usual appeal. Even a yuletide cynic like him had to agree there was no greater place to be before Christmas than in London. He wasn’t much of a shopper but Violet needed a new wardrobe and he would rather spend the time with her than chained to his desk.
Violet came down the stairs wearing the jeans and baby-blue sweater he’d bought her. Cam had trouble keeping his hands to himself. He ached to slide his hands under the sweater and cradle the perfection of her breasts. To feel those pink nipples embed themselves into his palm. To feel her body quake with pleasure when he touched her.
She smiled at him shyly, her cheeks going a faint shade of pink as if she too were recalling their earlier intimacy. ‘I thought you were going to work?’
Cam shrugged. ‘It can wait.’ He took her hand and brought it up to his mouth. ‘I probably should warn you I’m not the world’s best shopper but I’m pretty handy with carrying bags.’
Her eyes shone as if the thought of him accompanying her pleased her as much as it pleased him. ‘Are you sure you’re not too busy? I know how much men loathe shopping. Dad and Fraser are such pains when we try to get them through a department store door.’
Cam looped her arm through his. ‘I have a vested interest in this expedition. I have to make sure Cinderella is dressed appropriately for the ball tonight.’
A flicker of worry passed through her gaze. ‘I never know what to wear to the office party. There’s a theme this year... A Star-Struck Christmas. Last year it was White Christmas. The year before it was Christmas on the Titanic.’
‘You could turn up in a bin liner and still outshine everyone else.’
Her smile made something in his chest slip sideways. ‘I really appreciate you coming with me. I can’t tell you how much I hate going alone.’
Cam bent down to press a kiss to her forehead. ‘You’re not alone this year. You’re with me.’
* * *
Cam wasn’t much of a party animal but even he had to admit Violet’s firm put on a Christmas extravaganza that was impossible not to enjoy. It occupied the ballroom of one of London’s premier hotels and the decorations alone would have funded a developing nation for a year. Giant green and gold and red Christmas bells hung from silken threads just above head height. Great swathes of tinsel adorned the walls. A fresh Christmas tree was positioned to one side of the room, covered with baubles that looked like they had been dipped in gold. Maybe they had. There was an angel on the top whose white gown glittered with Swarovski crystals. The music was lively and fun. The food was fabulous. The champagne was top-shelf and free flowing.
Or maybe he was having a good time because he was with the most beautiful girl at the party. The shimmery dress he’d helped Violet choose skimmed her delicate curves so lovingly his hands twitched in jealousy. The heels she was wearing put his mind straight in the gutter. He couldn’t stop imagining her wearing nothing but those glossy black spikes and a sexy come-and-get-me smile.
Cam had been ruminating all afternoon over whether he had done the right thing in making love to Violet. Who was he kidding? He was still ruminating. It was like a loop going round and round in his head. What have I done?
It was fine to put it down to hormones, but he wasn’t some immature teenager who didn’t know the meaning of the word self-control. He was a fully grown adult and yet he hadn’t been able to walk away.
Had he done the wrong thing?
His body said Yes.
His mind said Yes, but.
The buts were always going to be the kicker. Violet wasn’t like any other casual lover he’d met. She’d been in his life for what seemed like for ever. He’d seen her grow from a gangly and shy teenage girl to a beautiful young woman. She was still shy but some of that reserve had eased away when they’d made love. Sharing that experience with her, being the one to guide her through her first experience of pleasure with a partner had been special. More than special. A sacred privilege he would remember for the rest of his life. Her trust in him had touched