sting of regret.
But it was a dream. It didn’t mean anything. It was just his mind making up a narrative while his body rested. It didn’t mean he was worried about ending up alone in a castle with nothing but cobwebs and shadows to keep him company. It didn’t mean he was subconsciously regretting his stance on marriage and commitment. It meant he was dog-tired and working too hard. That was what it meant. That. Was. All. ‘Sorry for wrecking your beauty sleep. Next time just give me a jab in the ribs, okay?’
Violet’s shy smile tugged like strings stitched on to his heart. ‘It was probably my fault more than yours. I’ve never spent the night with anyone before.’
Of course she hadn’t. She might have felt all sorts of uncomfortable about sharing the night with him in his bed. Cam put his hands on her hips and brought her closer. ‘I’m not much of a sleep-over person myself.’
A flicker of concern appeared in her gaze. ‘Oh...well, then, I can sleep in one of the spare rooms if you’d—’
‘No.’ Cam brought his mouth down to within an inch of hers. ‘I like having you in my bed.’ More than I want to admit.
Her hint of vanilla danced over his mouth. ‘I like it too.’
Cam covered her mouth with his, a shockwave of need rushing through him as her lips opened beneath his. He moved his lips against hers, a gentle massage to prove to himself he could control his response to her. But within seconds the heat got to him, the flicker of her tongue against his lower lip unravelling his self-control like a dropped ball of string. He splayed his fingers through her silky hair, holding her face so he could deepen the kiss. She gave a soft whimper of approval that made his body shudder in delight.
Her body pressed against his, her breasts free behind the bathrobe she was wearing. Knowing she was naked underneath that robe made him wild with need. He untied the waistband, still with his mouth on hers, letting it fall to her feet. He glided his hands over her breasts and then he brought his mouth to each one in turn, caressing the erect pink nipples with his tongue, gently taking them between his teeth in a soft nibble. She smelt of flowers and sleep and sex and he couldn’t get enough of her.
He brought his mouth back to hers, his hands holding her by the hips so she could feel what she was doing to him. The ache of need pounded through his body, the primal need to mate driving every other thought out of his brain.
He should have taken her upstairs to the bed but he wanted her now. Now.
The hunger was in time with his racing pulse. He wanted her on the floor. On the desk. On the sofa. Wherever he could have her. He dragged his mouth off hers. ‘I want you here. Now.’
Violet’s eyes shone with excitement. She didn’t say anything but her actions spoke for her. She stroked her hands down his chest to his abdomen, deftly unhooking the towel from around his waist and taking him in her hands. Her touch wreaked havoc on his control. Red-hot pleasure shot through his body, luring him to the abyss where the dark magic of oblivion beckoned.
Cam had to stop her from taking him over the edge. He drew her hand away and guided her to the floor. He kissed his way down from her breasts to her belly, lingering over her mound, ramping up her anticipation for what was to come. She squirmed and whimpered when he claimed his prize, her body bucking within seconds of his tongue moving against her. Her cries of pleasure made him want her all the more. Her passion was so unfettered, so unrestrained it made him wonder if she would find the same freedom to express her sexuality with someone else.
Someone else...
Cam tried to push the thought aside but it was impossible. It was ugly, grotesque thinking of Violet with some other guy. Someone who might not appreciate her sensitivity and shyness. Someone who might pressure her into doing things she wasn’t comfortable with doing. Someone who wouldn’t protect her at all times and in all places.
That’s rich coming from the guy who hasn’t got a condom handy.
Violet must have sensed Cam’s shift in mood for she propped herself up on her elbows to look at him. ‘Is something wrong? Did I do something wrong?’
Cam took her by the hand and helped her to stand. ‘It’s not you, sweetheart. It’s me.’ He handed her the bathrobe before picking up his towel and hitching it around his waist. ‘I didn’t bring a condom with me.’
‘Oh...’
‘Unlike other men, I don’t have them strategically planted in every room of the house.’ But maybe I should.
Her lips flickered with a smile. ‘That’s kind of nice to know...’
‘I’m selective when it comes to choosing partners.’ He only ever chose women he knew he wouldn’t fall in love with: safe, no-strings women who were out for a bit of fun and a tearless goodbye at the end of it. Women who didn’t look at him with big soulful brown eyes and pretend they didn’t feel things they clearly felt.
How was he going to end this?
Do you even want to?
Cam played with the idea of extending their affair. But how long was too long and how short was too short? Either way, it still left him with the task of facing her family and saying the happy ever after they were hanging out for wasn’t going to happen.
And that wasn’t even the half of it. What about what Violet felt? No matter how much she said she was only after a short fling, he knew her well enough to know she was only saying that to please him. Would it be fair to continue this, knowing she was probably falling in love with him? God knew he was having enough trouble keeping his own feelings in check. Feelings he couldn’t explain. Feelings that crept up on him at odd moments, like when Violet looked at him a certain way, or when she smiled, or when she touched him and it sent a lightning zap of electricity through him. Feelings he couldn’t dismiss because Violet wasn’t a temporary fixture in his life.
The longer he continued their affair, the harder it would be to end it. He knew it and yet...and yet...he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not until after Christmas. Grandad Archie surely deserved to have his last Christmas wish?
Violet made a business of tying the bathrobe back around her waist. ‘I suppose you’re careful to choose partners you’re not likely to fall in love with.’
‘It’s easier that way.’ Maybe that was why he never felt fully satisfied after an encounter even when the sex was good. Something always felt a little off centre. Out of balance, like only wearing one shoe. He never let a relationship drag on for too long. A month or two maximum. It made him look like a bit of a player but that was the price he was prepared to pay for his freedom.
Violet gave him a smile that didn’t quite make the grade. ‘Lucky me.’
Cam frowned. ‘Hey, I didn’t mean I chose you for that reason. You’re different, you know you are.’
‘Not different enough that you’ll fall in love with me.’
‘Violet—’
She held up her hand. ‘It’s okay, I don’t need the lecture.’
Cam took her by the shoulders again. ‘Are you saying you’re in love with me? Is that what you’re saying?’
Her eyes did everything they could to avoid his. ‘No, I’m not saying that.’ Her voice was hardly more than a thread of sound.
Cam tipped up her chin, locking her gaze with his. ‘This is all I can give you. You have to accept it, Violet. Even if we continued our relationship past Christmas, it would still come down to this. I’m not going to get married to you or to anyone just now.’
Her shoulders went down on a sigh. ‘I know. I’m being silly. Sorry.’
He brought her head against his chest, stroking her silky hair with his hand. ‘You’re not being silly. You’re being normal. I’m the one with the commitment issues, not you.’
Her arms snaked around his waist. ‘Can we