he asked, because even if he didn’t want to know, he knew. ‘How are you?’
‘Good,’ Penny said, and her back teeth clamped down because she wanted to tell him her news but it was far too early. But more than that she wanted to flirt, she wanted him and he was just out of bounds. She wanted dates and dinners and laughter and fun, yet she badly wanted the baby inside her too. ‘What are you doing for the long weekend? Anything nice?’
‘Yep.’ Ethan nodded. It had been a long day and now, with the unspoken news hanging between them, more than ever he just wanted to get away. ‘I’ve got the long weekend and then two days off, I’m not back here till Thursday. I’m going out on a boat and hopefully we’ll all be eating too much, drinking too much and talking too much.’
‘With friends?’ She thought her face would crack from smiling.
‘Family,’ Ethan said. ‘We do it every year.’
‘Sounds great,’ Penny said. ‘Kate will have her hands full.’ Penny could imagine nothing worse than being at sea with toddlers—she’d have a nervous breakdown.
‘God, no.’ Ethan pulled a face. ‘Once a year my mum has them all for her so she can get away. Kate says it keeps her sane. It would never happen otherwise.’
‘I don’t blame her,’ Penny said. ‘She’d be worried sick trying to keep tabs on them on a boat.’
‘I meant I wouldn’t be going if she brought them.’ He hesitated, tried to turn it into a joke and then stopped, but he’d said it all, really—he was Mr R&R, heading off, kicking back and just so removed from the world she was about to join.
‘It sounds lovely,’ Penny said, because a few nights out at sea with Ethan, well, there was not a lot she could think of that sounded nicer than that.
He looked at her for a very long time, wished she could come along, could almost see her in a sarong with sunburnt shoulders, and he couldn’t help but regret all the things they could have done, all the dates they could have been on and he was, for a ridiculous moment, tempted to ask her to see if she could swap her nights with someone and come with him, but he stopped himself, because even if the impossible could be achieved, he soon saw the real picture.
No wine, because she wasn’t drinking.
No seafood either.
And throwing up on the hour every hour as Kate had done one year.
‘Have a good break,’ Penny said.
Oh, he fully intended to!
Only it wasn’t that great.
Given what had had happened in recent weeks, it was a far more sombre affair, of course.
‘You’re quiet,’ Kate commented on the Saturday morning. It was a glorious day, the sky blue, the wind crisp and the sun hot.
‘I think we’re all quiet,’ Ethan said.
‘I rang Gina.’ Ethan looked over, hoping there had been some progress, but Kate shook her head. ‘I said maybe we could get the kids together, but she said no. Surely she can’t keep Justin from his grandparents?’
‘I guess she can,’ Ethan said. ‘Or she can make it as difficult as possible for them to see him, which she is.’ He shook his head. ‘I’m staying out of it.’
‘Ethan, you can’t do nothing.’
‘I can,’ he interrupted, ‘because if I say what I really think about the situation, it’s going to be a few very long days at sea.’
‘Say it to me,’ Kate pushed.
‘Are you sure?’ He looked at his sister, who nodded. ‘Phil should have sorted this.’ He watched her jaw tighten and Kate struggled for a moment before she could respond.
‘He didn’t know this was going to happen.’
‘Yes, he did,’ Ethan interrupted. ‘I told him to sort this. I told him he had to work things out between his parents and Gina. Phil knew full well the mess he’d be leaving behind if he didn’t sort something out. I know he did, because I told him. Frankly, I don’t blame Gina for wanting to have nothing to do with us. Maybe Jack and Vera should have thought about the future before they opened their mouths when Gina had the audacity to break up with their son.’
‘No one knew then how sick Phil was going to get.’
‘No one ever knows what the future holds.’ Ethan refused to turn Phil into a saint and even if his aunt and uncle were grieving, it didn’t suddenly make them infallible. ‘I love Jack and Vera and I loved Phil, but the fact is that some of this mess is of their own making,’ Ethan said. ‘See now why I’m staying out of it?’
Kate nodded and looked at her rarely angry brother and was positive something else was eating him. ‘Is there anything else going on?’
They were close, they were twins and they spoke a lot, but Ethan had only once before said what he was about to. ‘I like someone.’
Kate saw his grim face. ‘Married?’ she groaned.
‘No.’
‘How long have you known her?’
‘Since I started my new job, well, just after. She was having a couple of weeks off.’
‘What’s she like?’
‘Moody, angry, funny, single …’
‘Kids?’ Kate checked, because there had to be a ‘but’.
‘Pregnant.’ He looked at his sister. ‘Only just.’
‘Ethan!’ Kate couldn’t keep the excitement from her voice, but she didn’t get carried away when she saw his face. ‘I know you said it’s not for you, but—’
‘The baby’s not mine!’ Ethan quickly interrupted. ‘Penny’s on IVF. She’s determined to be a single mum, she’d already started her treatment when we met.’
‘Oh, Ethan.’
‘I was giving her the shots.’
‘Why?’
‘Because she’s petrified of needles and I didn’t fancy her then, or maybe I did.’ He shook his head. ‘Kate, I don’t even think I want kids, you know it broke Caitlin and I up. But even if I could somehow wrap my head around that, I mean even if I’d met Penny and she already had a child …’ He pulled a face. ‘I don’t know, Kate. I can’t walk around watching her get bigger with someone else’s child.’
‘Ethan,’ Kate said. ‘You know Carl and I were both having problems.’ She was very careful not to say too much, but he knew that they had both been having problems, that all three of their children were Carl’s in everything but genes.
‘I get that,’ Ethan said. ‘But I bet Carl took a bit of time to get his head around it, and I bet he said a few things while he did that he wished he could take back now.’
And Kate stayed silent, because her brother was right—it had taken a lot of talking and a lot of soul searching before Carl had come round. ‘And that was with two people who both desperately wanted kids and I don’t even know that I do. I just walked in on the end of Penny’s decision and I’m supposed to be fine with it? Well, I’m not and I’ll tell you this much. I can’t even …’ He shut his mouth. He wasn’t going to discuss everything with his sister and he couldn’t explain properly, even to himself, the strange possessiveness that had gripped him when he’d almost slept with Penny.
‘What do you want, Ethan?’
‘Penny,’ Ethan said. ‘But I want time with Penny. I want to get to know her some more, it’s still early days. I don’t want to start something with someone who has a baby on board and be the one holding the sick back when I didn’t cause it.’ He