walked off and started writing up her notes, and finally a rather more contrite father asked if he could go in and see his daughter now, assuring Penny he would not cause her any further distress.
‘Of course.’
She stepped behind the curtain to have a quick word with Vanessa before letting them in.
‘Mia’s parents want to come in,’ Penny said. ‘Don’t take any nonsense from the dad if he starts getting angry. Just ask him to leave.’
‘I don’t take nonsense from the patients and their relatives,’ Vanessa said, and as Penny turned to go she heard the nurse mutter, ‘I’ve got no choice with the staff, though …’
Penny didn’t have the time, let alone the emotional capacity, to respond to Vanessa, or even to dwell on it. She had no alternative other than to drag herself through the last part of her shift, then she got into her car and finally she was home.
Penny took off her scrubs. Her stomach was black from the charcoal and she showered quickly then put on a nightdress and picked up the phone.
‘I’m bleeding.’
The IVF nurse was very practical and calm and, yes, a bit of spotting was normal, but this was more than a bit of spotting and they went through the medications, but Penny could feel herself cramping.
‘Should I rest?’ She wanted to ring in sick but she knew deep down that it wouldn’t make any real difference.
But she rang in sick anyway.
Work was less than impressed, because it was the long weekend and one consultant was out on a boat and Mr Dean was on a golf weekend, but whether or not it would make a difference to the outcome, Penny couldn’t have gone into work anyway—she just lay in bed, trying to hold on to something she was sure she’d already lost.
‘I’m sorry, Penny.’ It was Tuesday night. She’d actually stopped bleeding but didn’t dare hope, yet there was a tiny flicker there when she took the call, only to hear that her HCG levels were tumbling down.
All that for twenty-four hours of being pregnant.
Jasmine’s periods were later than that sometimes.
‘Oh, Penny, I’m so sorry!’ Jasmine, who the second she’d heard that Penny had called in sick, had been in and out of her home all over the weekend. She was there too when the nurse called with her blood results and Jasmine wrapped her in a hug when Penny put down the phone after the news. But Penny could feel Jasmine’s belly soft and round and pressing into her stupid empty flat one and Penny said some horrible things.
Horrible things.
Like, no, actually, Jasmine didn’t understand.
And that it was all right for Jasmine to stand there and be so compassionate and understanding when she didn’t actually have a clue how it felt to not even be able to get pregnant. Except it was a bit worse than that because Penny used the F word and then asked her sister to get out.
‘Penny, please!’
‘No!’
She was back to being a bitch.
THERE WERE DISADVANTAGES to being a consultant, as Ethan was finding out, because when he came back from his long-awaited days off, which had actually turned into more of an extended wake, half his colleagues were sulking because he’d been out of range and they’d been called in to work.
‘Penny’s sick?’ Ethan frowned when Lisa told him.
That Penny might be ill wasn’t the problem apparently, though it was the problem for Ethan. ‘We had a locum for two nights and Mr Dean came in, but he wasn’t too pleased.’ Lisa brought him up to speed.
‘But if she’s sick, she can’t help it,’ Ethan pointed out as a knot tightened in his stomach. ‘When did she ring in?’
‘Saturday morning.’ Lisa sighed. ‘At the beginning of a long weekend. It’s been a bit grim here, to say the least.’
But it wasn’t just Penny they were annoyed at.
‘Did you have a good break?’ Mr Dean gave a tight, mirthless smile as he walked past, but Ethan just rolled his eyes. He didn’t give a damn about things like that—he worked hard when he was here and was entitled to his days off. The only person Ethan was worried about now was Penny.
Except when he tried to call her, she didn’t pick up her phone.
‘How’s Penny?’ Ethan asked a worried-looking Jasmine when she arrived for her late shift.
Jasmine’s cheeks flushed and she just gave a brief shake of her head.
‘Did she lose it?’
Ethan grimaced when Jasmine gave a reluctant nod.
Ethan headed to his office and rang Kate and told her the little he knew.
‘Don’t call it it,’ Kate suggested.
‘I didn’t mean it like that.’
‘I know,’ Kate said. ‘Poor thing.’
‘I don’t know what to do.’ Ethan didn’t even know how he felt. He was gutted for Penny as he thought of all she had been through.
But there was guilt there as well.
‘I don’t know what you can do either,’ Kate admitted, because Carl had been as invested in the procedures as she had and had been right there beside her when on many occasions the news hadn’t been good. But though she utterly understood where her brother was coming from, he wasn’t going to react as Carl had.
‘Do I just not mention it? I mean …’
‘No,’ Kate said, but then halted. ‘I don’t know. You said she hadn’t told you she was pregnant?’
‘I can’t just ignore it,’ Ethan said. ‘She won’t pick up the phone.’
‘You really like her?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then I think you ought to go over there and just be ready.’
‘For what?’
‘For anything.’
Even as he rang the bell, Ethan had absolutely no idea if he was doing the right thing.
It just couldn’t go past without being noted.
That was all he knew.
She opened the door in her dressing gown, except it was undone and underneath she had on a short nightdress. Ethan hadn’t known many woman who wore silky nightdresses and matching dressing gowns, but this was Penny, he reminded himself, and even if she was a bit washed out, she still looked stunning.
‘I’m so sorry, Penny.’
She looked at him, all brown and healthy and brimming with energy from nearly a week off, and she felt drab and pale in comparison. ‘How do you know?’ Penny asked. ‘Did Jasmine say something?’
Ethan hadn’t even made it through the door and he’d already put his foot in it. ‘No,’ Ethan said. ‘I asked her when I heard you’d called in sick.’
‘She shouldn’t have said anything.’
‘She didn’t say a word,’ Ethan said. ‘I asked if you’d …’ He breathed out. ‘Penny, I knew before you went away that you were pregnant.’
‘How?’
How? Because she was buried so deep in his skull, he’d been on IVF sites and working out dates and watching her unseen, constantly tuned in to her, though she