in months swamped him. This was nothing like that. And he didn’t want her thinking, couldn’t have her thinking or hoping it could be. A lump rose in his throat and he had to pause for a moment before he could speak.
‘‘Look,’’ he said. ‘‘I’m not young and romantic, Kris. What we have between us isn’t romance, but it’s just as good in many ways. Friendship, dependability, shared interests.’’ He lowered his voice. ‘‘I can promise you that I’ll be faithful. And I think we’ve safely established that we’ve got chemistry on our side.’’
‘‘Sexual compatibility is nice, but it’s certainly not a good reason to marry someone,’’ she pointed out.
He was beginning to feel a little frazzled. What the hell did she want from him? Hadn’t he just done exactly what she’d wanted? ‘‘I’ll be a good provider. You can work or not, I don’t care, as long as we have good child-care arrangements for Mollie.’’
‘‘And other children?’’ Her voice was little more than a whisper, but the question froze him in place.
More children? God, he’d never even considered that possibility. He’d been stupid not to, he saw now. Kristin was a young woman. Of course she would want children of her own.
Children of her own. Children with him. It was almost hard to breathe in the close confines of the little room. ‘‘I, ah, I need some time to think about that,’’ he managed to say in what he hoped was a relatively normal tone. ‘‘I see that we have a lot more issues to think through than I’d first considered. Let’s talk more tonight.’’
‘‘You still want me to come over for dinner?’’ She sounded vaguely surprised and he realized he hadn’t been all that successful at concealing his turbulent emotions from her after all.
‘‘Yeah.’’ He put out a hand and stroked the back of his fingers down her cheek. ‘‘I do. Will you come?’’
She smiled, although he thought it seemed a little shaky. ‘‘All right.’’
It took all the nerve she possessed to force herself to approach the front door of her childhood home at seven that evening. She’d been letting herself in with a key for years, first when it was her home and more recently after Deb’s death. But tonight Kristin felt like a stranger as she stood on the stone front porch holding a plate of the rice cereal treats that she knew both Mollie and Derek loved.
She rang the doorbell and shifted restlessly from foot to foot as she heard Mollie’s racing footsteps. Derek’s heavier tread approached at a more sedate pace. She was afraid when she opened her mouth to speak all the butterflies in her stomach were going to spill right out in a wild, bright-colored swarm and flit away. Of course, they would have left behind cocoons chock-full of new ones to replace them.
The door swung open and even though she was expecting it, her stomach lurched. Derek stood facing her as Mollie danced madly in front of him, chattering a welcome. Over the little girl’s head, their eyes met and the breath whooshed out of her lungs at the heated awareness in his blue gaze. Her abdomen contracted sharply as he surveyed her from head to toes and back again. She’d taken special care with her appearance tonight, not wanting to be too dressed up and yet wanting to be sure he noticed her.
From the look in his eye as he checked out her sleeveless, scoop-necked aqua sweater and short, beige linen skirt, she’d succeeded. ‘‘Hi,’’ he said.
‘‘Hi.’’ She didn’t know what to say to him; the things they needed to talk about weren’t issues that could be easily discussed with the distraction of a child.
Mollie grabbed her hand and tugged her into the foyer. ‘‘Come see my new baby Daddy bringed!’’
‘‘A new baby?’’ Feeling unbelievably skittish and shy, she concentrated on Mollie. ‘‘What’s her name?’’
‘‘Zu-zie.’’ The little girl took her hand and tugged her toward the family room.
‘‘Ah. Susie. I like that name,’’ Kristen said. She glanced over her shoulder at Derek and caught him grinning.
‘‘Shall I take those?’’ he asked, indicating the dessert bars.
‘‘Yes, please,’’ she said. ‘‘But don’t you dare eat any before dinner.’’ And with that small exchange, she suddenly felt much more comfortable, as if the world had righted itself to a more familiar perspective.
Derek snapped his fingers. ‘‘You know me too well.’’
‘‘And don’t you forget it.’’ She returned his smile and their eyes held for a long moment. But it didn’t make her nervous or jittery this time. It was true. She did know him well. She couldn’t think of a single thing she could be asked about him that she wouldn’t know.
Mollie claimed her attention again then, and while Derek got dinner on the table, she played with the little girl. As she did so, she realized how much she had missed these times together. Mollie seemed to have grown taller just in the short time since Derek had enrolled her in day care. And she was learning to tie ‘‘bunny ears,’’ she informed Kristin. A pang of loss shot through her heart at that news.
And then a different feeling smote her heart. If Derek really wanted to marry her, Mollie would be her daughter, just as she’d imagined so many times in her daydreams. It was almost too much to hope for, and she forced herself to turn off the frantic thoughts vying for notice in her mind.
She read the little girl several stories. After that, while Mollie became engrossed in folding her baby’s blanket, Kristin got up and moved into the kitchen. She felt odd, acting like a guest when she knew how hectic Derek’s life was. He didn’t need the added stress of entertaining.
‘‘Need any help?’’ she asked him, automatically opening the drawer where the flatware was kept.
He smiled, but shook his head. ‘‘Believe it or not, I have everything under control. I set the table earlier so I wouldn’t have to worry about it, and the potatoes should be just about done. Why don’t you just sit down over there and keep me company?’’
‘‘Nobody needs me anymore, just as I predicted,’’ she said, trying for a light tone as she perched on one of the bar stools at the center island. ‘‘Mollie’s learning to tie and you’re managing to cook.’’
‘‘Hold on a minute.’’ Derek set down the spoon he’d used to stir the green beans and came around the corner of the island. ‘‘We may be learning a few new tricks but we’ll always need you, Kris.’’ He reached for her, pulling her into his arms, and she instantly felt the lack of oxygen to her brain at the feel of his hard, warm body against hers. She hadn’t expected the embrace, hadn’t expected him to act like a lover, although that made little sense given the way he’d acted earlier in the day. Still…she’d been in and out of his home for years as a friend and the sudden shift felt distinctly weird.
He kissed her lightly, but before she could respond he released her and walked back to the stovetop. ‘‘I’d better get this meal on the table.’’
It was wonderful to sit down and have a meal with Derek and Mollie again, and afterward she convinced him to let her give Mollie her bath while he cleaned up the kitchen.
‘‘I meant for you to be strictly a guest tonight,’’ he told her ruefully as Mollie raced ahead of her up the steps.
‘‘Derek, I want to do this,’’ she said. ‘‘I’ve missed you two terribly.’’
‘‘Exactly what ‘this’ have you missed, Kris?’’ he asked, his brows drawing together. ‘‘You’re the one who quit coming around, who quit eating with us.’’
‘‘Who quit cleaning your house and helping with your laundry.’’ She could feel her temper rising at the censure in his tone.
‘‘Don’t put