Enneagram For Dummies. Jeanette van Stijn

      

Examining your internal workings

      

Eliminating stereotypes and categorical thinking

      

Getting to know the nine Enneagram types

      

Prepping yourself for the road ahead

      Right off the bat, I need to stress something: No single Enneagram type is better than another. The Enneagram approach doesn't judge when it comes to types; it only aims to deliver an appropriate and detailed description of the various ways in which people act in life. In this short (yet quite thorough) introduction, you get to know nine types of people who deal with the events that life throws at them — that’s nine descriptions of how they see and experience the world. You may recognize yourself in one of the descriptions, but keep in mind that you might not be a one-to-one match with your unique personality.

A Heads-Up

      Before getting to know the Enneagram, check out a few notes I've put together on the best way to learn about it — including the best way to use this book as fully as possible.

      What’s in a name?

One of the ways in which you can see that the Enneagram makes no judgment about types is that the types themselves were originally designated by numbers. When I talk about Type 3, for example, you probably have no idea what this term means and thus you have no judgment about it. It’s a name, nothing more or less. But how would you see it if I talked about the Enneagram Boss/Protector type or the Perfectionist type? You’ll likely instantly form an image of this person, and probably a judgment. As soon as people wrap an item inside a word, they call up a mental image of that item, often — unnoticed and unintentionally — along with a judgment. They consider the item good or bad, nice or not nice, and so on. Words have a positive or negative charge, whereas numbers are neutral. Some people, however, think that using numbers as names is annoying, precisely because the numbers are neutral and meaningless. No image appears, which makes it harder at first to remember the names. That’s why various trainers have named the types. Once these names call up images, they’re easier to remember when starting out with the Enneagram.

      

Every name is a drastic abbreviation of a type’s nature and complexity. Each name refers to only a limited characteristic of a personality structure. Just like people themselves, the personality structures are complex and multilayered, which is why they can’t be easily captured in a name. Furthermore, you'll never come across two of the same people, not even two who recognize themselves in the mechanisms of the same Enneagram type. The Enneagram is only a map of the personality; the landscape itself is always unique and different from the map. Maybe you and I recognize ourselves in the Perfectionist type, for example, but that doesn’t mean we’re the same person. The name Perfectionist indicates that both of us probably value perfection, but there can be a world of difference in how we fulfill our perfectionism and where we aim our desire for it. Billions of people live in this world, and each one is unique, after all.

      Seeing what's working inside of you

      Descriptions of personality structures often consist of long lists of characteristics. Person A, for example, is described as extroverted, dominant, and direct, and Person B is seen as introverted, shy, and reserved. These descriptions probably evoke images in your mind, and maybe you also know people whom you would identify as Person A or Person B. You can list the characteristics of each of the nine Enneagram types in the same way. They refer to external properties — behaviors or aspects of attitudes that other people can perceive from the outside.

      The descriptions of the Enneagram types, however, are much more detailed because they’re more about the mechanisms working inside of you. That’s why they can rarely be seen from the outside.

      People who recognize themselves in the same type — making use of the same internal mechanisms — often express the type differently in their actual behavior. Also, conversely, two people who see themselves reflected in different types can behave similarly. In those cases, different motivations or drives lead to the same behavior.

      HELP — I DON’T WANT TO BE CATEGORIZED!

      Many people dislike designating personality structures by numbers. They associate this process with getting a serial number — it makes them feel that they’re being put into a category. In response, Helen Palmer, a major figure in the world of the Enneagram, says that the Enneagram doesn’t set out to categorize anyone; it’s merely an aid you can use to discover which category is keeping your personality type imprisoned. You can free yourself from this category on your own. And by the way, you don’t have to typecast yourself, so to speak, in order to work with the Enneagram. The goal is to expand your self-awareness, to get to know yourself better. After you read the descriptions of all the various types, ask yourself: What part of this do I recognize in myself? How does this work in my case? Am I exactly like that or a little different? This is also a way to get to know yourself better and become more aware of your limiting behaviors. If you’re interested in determining your type on your own, you can find tips and exercises throughout this book that will help you on your way.

How this apparent contradiction works itself out can be illustrated in a brief example. Mary (Type 1), Louise (Type 7), and Margaret (Type 9) avoid conflicts rather than face them head-on. (Another way to refer to them is conflict avoiders.) However, they tend to avoid conflicts for different reasons. In Mary’s value system, for example, “one just doesn’t do conflicts.” Louise’s conflicts are nothing to laugh about; they’re simply painful and, as such, are situations she wants to avoid. Margaret is afraid of destroying her relationship with whoever is the cause of the conflict.

      The motivations behind all three people's desire to avoid conflict are quite different, but they all lead to the same behavior. This is why you look not at the behavior itself in the Enneagram but rather at the driving forces behind that behavior. In the Enneagram, the underlying motivation, or driving force, is considered more important than the behavior itself, because recognizing this drive is the starting point for further development. The approach for learning to deal with conflicts in a different, more productive fashion varies for each of the three. For them, it’s not about handling conflicts per se, but rather about uncovering the actual reason they avoid conflicts.

      

The word type crops up time and time again in this book, and you'll also come across the term type mechanism, which refers to the internal mechanism of a type. You can find out more about type mechanisms in Part 2.

      You’re not a type — you have a type

      Admittedly, the distinction is slight between being a type and having a type. But no matter how slight, the distinction is still important. It's connected to the difference between your nature — your true self — and your ego. Your nature, or true self (as the word true indicates), is what you truly are at the core. Your ego, or your type, is also called the false self: It’s what you believe you are. It’s an incorrect identification; in the development of their own identity, human beings started believing that they’re endowed with particular characteristics: I am shy, for example. Even if your ego