Give me poetry, ecstasy! Fan me! Fan me!
Jigalov (to Dimba): We’ll have another, eh? I can drink any time. The chief thing, Dimba, is not to forget one’s affairs. Drink, and understand your affairs! And as for drinking, why not drink ? Drinking’s allowed; your health! (Drinks.) Tell me, have you got tigers in Greece?
Dimba: Yes.
Jigalov: And lions?
Dimba: Yes, lions too. In Russia there is nothing, but in Greece everything. My father's there and my uncle and my brothers, and here nothing.
Jigalov: But have you got whales in Greece?
Dimba: We've everything there.
Nastasia (to her husband): Why all this random drinking and eating? It’s time we all sat down. Don’t stick a fork in the lobster! It’s for the general. Perhaps he’ll come after all.
Jigalov: Have you got lobsters in Greece?
Dimba: Yes, we've everything there.
Zmewkin: I’m just thinking—what atmosphere in Greece!
Jigalov: And probably a lot of trickery. Greeks are all just the same as Armenians and gypsies. They’ll give you a sponge or a goldfish, but all the time they’re watching their chance to relieve you of your superfluities. We’ll have another, eh?
Nastasia: What are all these anothers? It’s time we all sat down. It’s twelve o’clock.
Jigalov: Sit down, then, sit down! (Calls.) Ladies and gentlemen, I humbly entreat you. Please. Supper! Young people!
Nastasia: Welcome, dear guests. Be seated.
Zmewkin (sits at the table): Give me poetry! “But ah! the rebel, sought the storm, as in the storm were peace.” Give me storm!
Yat (aside): Remarkable woman! I’m in love — up to the ears in love! (Enter the company. They take their seats noisily at the table; a minute’s pause, the band plays a march.)
Mozgovy (in the uniform of a naval volunteer, rising): Ladies and gentlemen! I must tell you this; there are many toasts and speeches waiting for us. We won’t wait. We’ll begin at once. Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you to drink a toast to the bride and bridegroom. (The band plays a flourish. “Hurrah!” Clinking of glasses.)
Mozgovy: It’s bitter!
All: Bitter! Bitter! (Aplombov and Dashenka kiss.)
Yat: Wonderful, wonderful! I must express to you, ladies and gentlemen, with the utmost veracity, that this room and the place in general are magnificent. Superlatively enchanting. — But do you know why it does not partake of a complete triumph? There’s no electric light, excuse the expression. Electric light has been introduced already in all countries; only Russia is left behind.
Jigalov (thoughtfully): Electric — h’m. But to my idea, electric light is just trickery. They put a little bit of coal there and think they can deceive your eyes with it. No, friend, if you give light, then don’t give coal, but something real, something special, something you can take hold of. Give a light, you understand, a light which is something and not simply an idea.
Yat: If only you were to see what an electric battery is composed of, you’d think differently.
Jigalov: I don’t want to see it. Trickery! They deceive simple folk, and squeeze them to the last drop. We know that sort of people. And you, young man, instead of defending trickery, would have done better to drink and pour out for others. That’s the truth!
Aplombov: I quite agree with you, dear papa. Why introduce scientific discourses? I myself am ready to speak about certain discoveries, but then there’s another time for that. (To Dashenka.) What’s your opinion, ma chère?
Dashenka: They like to show their education and always speak about something one can’t understand.
Nastasia: Heavens! We have lived our time without education, and now we’re marrying our third daughter to a fine husband. If you think we are uneducated, why do you come to us? Be off with your education!
Yat: Madame, I always take your family into consideration, and if I spoke about electric light it does not signify that I did so from pride. Your healths! I always with all my heart wished Dashenka a good husband. It is hard nowadays, Madame, to find a good man. Nowadays everyone watches his chance to marry for interest, for money ——
Aplombov: That is an insinuation!
Yat (fearfully): No, there’s no allusion to anybody! I’m not speaking of present company. I was speaking just in general — please! I know well that you married for love and the dowry’s nothing.
Nastasia: No, it isn’t nothing! Don’t forget yourself, sir, when you speak! Beside a thousand roubles in actual coin, we are giving three sets of furs, bedding and all the furniture. Just see if other people give dowries like that.
Yat: I don’t mean anything — the furniture is really beautiful and — and the furs certainly — but I mean they took offence that I made insinuations.
Nastasia: Don’t make insinuations! We respect you for your parents and we invited you to the wedding, but you say all sorts of things. And if you knew that Epaminondas was marrying for interest, why did you say nothing beforehand? (Weeps.) Perhaps — I have nourished her and cared for her and looked after her — I should have guarded better my emerald, my jewel, my daughter ——
Aplombov: You believe him? I most humbly thank you! I’m very grateful indeed to you. (To Yat.) As for you, Mr. Yat, although you are an acquaintance of mine, I don't allow you to behave so badly in a strange house. Have the goodness to go away!
Yat: What's the matter?
Aplombov: I wish you were as honourable as I am! In short, have the goodness to go away!
Gentlemen (to Aplombov): Now, stop! Remember where you are! Never mind! Sit down! Stop!
Yat: I didn't mean anything—You know, I―I don't understand. Excuse me, I'm going. Only give me first the five roubles you owe me from last year for the waistcoat, excuse the expression. Your health again and—and I'm going; only first pay me what you owe.
Gentlemen: Now, let it be, let it be. Enough! Is all this nonsense worth while?
Master of Ceremonies (loudly): To the health of the parents of the bride, Mr. and Mrs. Jigalov! (Band plays a flourish. "Hurrah.")
Jigalov (bows with emotion on all sides): Thank you, dear guests. I am very grateful to you not to have forgotten us and to have been good enough not to ignore us. And don't think I've got crafty in my old age, or that there's any trickery; I say simply my feelings, from the bottom of my heart. I grudge nothing to good people. We humbly thank you. (Kisses all round.)
Dashenka (to her mother): Mama dear, why are you crying? I am so happy.
Aplombov: Mama is upset at the separation. But I would advise her instead to remember our recent conversation!
Yat: Don't cry, Madame! You think that such tears are natural? Not at all, simply a low-spirited nervous system ——
Jigalov: And are there chestnuts in Greece?
Dimba: Yes, there's everything there.
Jigalov: But not mushrooms.
Dimba: Yes, mushrooms too. Everything!
Mozgovy: Mr. Dimba, it’s your turn to make a speech. Ladies and gentlemen, allow Mr. Dimba to make a speech.
All (to Dimba): Speech! Speech! Your turn!
Dimba: What for? I don’t understand what — what’s the matter?
Jigalov: No, no! Don’t dare refuse! It’s your turn! Up you get!
Dimba