matter mix’d with mirth and care, a just name to apply,
As seems most fit, we have it termed a tragical comedy.
Wherein talking of courtly toys, we do protest this flat,
We talk of Dionysius court, we mean no court but that:
And that we do so mean, who wisely calleth to mind
The time, the place, the author,[13] here most plainly shall it find.
Lo, this I speak[14] for our defence, lest of others we should be shent:
But, worthy audience, we you pray, take things as they be meant;
Whose upright judgment we do crave with heedful ear and eye
To hear the cause and see th’ effect of this new tragical comedy.
[Exit.
DAMON AND PITHIAS. [15]
Here entereth Aristippus.
Aristippus. Tho’ strange (perhaps) it seems to some,
That I, Aristippus, a courtier am become:
A philosopher of late, not of the meanest name,
But now to the courtly behaviour my life I frame.
Muse he that list, to you of good skill,
I say that I am a philosopher still.
Loving of wisdom is termed philosophy,[16]
Then who is a philosopher so rightly as I?
For in loving of wisdom proof doth this try,
That frustra sapit, qui non sapit sibi.
I am wise for myself: then tell me of troth,
Is not that great wisdom, as the world go’th?
Some philosophers in the street go ragged and torn,
And feed on vile roots, whom boys laugh to scorn:
But I in fine silks haunt Dionysius’ palace,
Wherein with dainty fare myself I do solace.
I can talk of philosophy as well as the best,
But the strait kind of life I leave to the rest.
And I profess now the courtly philosophy,
To crouch, to speak fair, myself I apply,
To feed the king’s humour with pleasant devices,
For which I am called Regius canis.
But wot ye who named me first the king’s dog?
It was the rogue Diogenes, that vile grunting hog.
Let him roll in his tub, to win a vain praise:
In the court pleasantly I will spend all my days;
Wherein what to do I am not to learn,
What will serve mine own turn, I can quickly discern.
All my time at school I have not spent vainly,
I can help one: is not that a good point of philosophy?
Here entereth Carisophus.
Carisophus. I beshrew your fine ears, since you came from school,
In the court you have made many a wise man a fool:
And though you paint out your feigned philosophy,
So God help me, it is but a plain kind of flattery,
Which you use so finely in so pleasant a sort,
That none but Aristippus now makes the king sport.
Ere you came hither, poor I was somebody;
The king delighted in me, now I am but a noddy.
Aristippus. In faith, Carisophus, you know yourself best,
But I will not call you noddy, but only in jest,
And thus I assure you, though I came from school
To serve in this court, I came not yet to be the king’s fool;
Or to fill his ears with servile squirrility.[17]
That office is yours, you know it right perfectly.
Of parasites and sycophants you are a grave[18] bencher,
The king feeds you often from his own trencher,
I envy not your state, nor yet your great favour,
Then grudge not at all, if in my behaviour
I make the king merry with pleasant urbanity,
Whom I never abused to any man’s injury.
Carisophus. By Cock, sir, yet in the court you do[19] best thrive,
For you get more in one day than I do in five.
Aristippus. Why, man, in the court do you not see
Rewards given for virtue to every degree?
To reward the unworthy—that world is done:
The court is changed, a good thread hath been spun
Of dog’s wool heretofore, and why because it was liked,
And not for that it was best trimmed and picked:
But now men’s ears are finer, such gross toys are not set by,
Therefore to a trimmer kind of mirth myself I apply:
Wherein though I please, it cometh not of my desert,
But of the king’s favour.
Carisophus. It may so be; yet in your prosperity
Despise not an old courtier: Carisophus is he,
Which hath long time fed Dionysius’ humour:
Diligently to please still at hand: there was never rumour
Spread in this[20] town of any small thing, but I
Brought it to the king in post by and by.
Yet now I crave your friendship, which if I may attain,
Most sure and unfeigned friendship I promise you again:
So we two link’d in friendship, brother and brother,
Full well in the court may help one another.
Aristippus. By’r Lady, Carisophus, though you know not philosophy,
Yet surely you are a better courtier than I:
And yet I not so evil a courtier, that will seem to despise
Such an old courtier as you, so expert and so wise.
But where as you crave mine, and offer your friendship so willingly,
With heart I give you thanks for this your great courtesy:
Assuring of friendship both with tooth and nail,
Whiles life lasteth, never to fail.
Carisophus. A thousand thanks I give you, O friend Aristippus.
Aristippus. O friend Carisophus.
Carisophus. How joyful am I, sith I have to friend Aristippus now?
Aristippus. None so glad of Carisophus’ friendship as I, I make God a vow,
I speak as I think, believe me.
Carisophus. Sith we are now so friendly joined, it seemeth to me,
That