The Tales of Uncle Remus / Сказки дядюшки Римуса. Книга для чтения на английском языке
combed his hair, greased his mustache, put on his best suit (the purple one with the yellow vest), shined his toenails, and fluffed out his cottontail[38]. He was definitely ready to party!
He went outside and Brer Fox had the saddle, bridle, and blinders on and was down on all fours. Brer Rabbit got on and away they went. They hadn’t gone far when Brer Fox felt Brer Rabbit raise his foot.
“What you doing, Brer Rabbit?”
“Shortening up the left stirrup.”
Brer Rabbit raised the other foot.
“What you doing now?” Brer Fox wanted to know.
“Shortening up the right stirrup.”
What Brer Rabbit was really doing was putting on spurs. When they got close to Miz Meadows’s house, Brer Rabbit stuck them spurs into Brer Fox’s flanks and Brer Fox took off buckity-buckity-buckity[39]!
Miz Meadows and the girls were sitting on the porch when Brer Rabbit come riding by like he was carrying mail on the Pony Express. He galloped up the road until he was almost out of sight, turned Brer Fox around and came back by the house a-whooping and a-hollering like he’d just discovered gold.
He turned Brer Fox around again, slowed him to a trot and rode on up to Miz Meadows’s house, where he got off and tied Brer Fox to the hitching post. He sauntered up the steps, tipped his hat to the ladies, lit a cigar, and sat down in the rocking chair.
“Ladies, didn’t I tell you that Brer Fox was the riding horse for our family! Of course, he don’t keep his gait like he used to, but in a month or so he’ll have it back.”
Miz Meadows and the gals laughed so hard and so long, they liked to broke out of their underclothes.
Brer Rabbit must’ve stayed with Miz Meadows and the girls half the day. They had tea and cookies, and Brer Rabbit entertained them with some old-time barrelhouse piano. Finally it was time to go. He kissed the ladies’ hands, got on Brer Fox, and with a little nudge of the spurs, rode away.
Soon as they were out of sight, Brer Fox started rarin’ and buckin’[40] to get Brer Rabbit off. Every time he rared, Brer Rabbit jabbed him with the spurs, and every time he bucked, Brer Rabbit yanked hard on the bridle. Finally, brer Fox rolled over on the ground and that got Brer Rabbit off in a hurry.
Brer Rabbit didn’t waste no time getting through the underbrush, and Brer Fox was after him like the wet on water. Brer Rabbit saw a tree with a hole and ran in it just as the shadow of Brer Fox’s teeth was going up his back.
The hole was too little for Brer Fox to get into, so he lay down on the ground beside it to do some serious thinking.
He was lying there with his eyes closed (a fox always closes his eyes when he’s doing serious thinking), when Brer Buzzard came flopping along. He saw Brer Fox lying there like he was dead, and said, “Looks like supper has come to me.”
“No, it ain’t, fool!” said Brer Fox, opening his eyes. “I ain’t dead. I got Brer Rabbit trapped in this tree here, and I ain’t letting him get away this time if it takes me six Christmases.”
Brer Buzzard and Brer Fox talked over the situation for a while. Finally, Brer Buzzard said he’d watch the tree if Brer Fox wanted to go get his axe to chop the tree down.
Soon as Brer Fox was gone and everything was quiet, Brer Rabbit moved close to the hole and yelled, “Brer Fox! Brer Fox!”
Brer Rabbit acted like he was annoyed when Brer Fox didn’t answer. “I know you out there, Brer Fox. Can’t fool me. I just wanted to tell you how much I wish Brer Turkey Buzzard was here.”
Brer Buzzard’s ears got kind of sharp. He put on his best Brer Fox voice and said, “What you want with Brer Buzzard?”
“Oh, nothing, except there’s the fattest gray squirrel in here that I’ve ever seen. If Brer Buzzard was here, I’d drive the squirrel out the other side of the tree to him.”
“Well,” said Brer Buzzard, still trying to sound like Brer Fox and not doing too good a job[41], “you drive him out and I’ll catch him for Brer Buzzard.”
Brer Rabbit started making all kinds of noises like he was trying to drive the squirrel out and Brer Buzzard ran around to the other side of the tree. Quite naturally, Brer Rabbit ran out of the tree and headed straight for home.
Brer Buzzard was mighty embarrassed when he realized he’d been tricked[42]. Before he could think of what to tell Brer Fox, Brer Fox came marching up with his axe on his shoulder.
“How’s Brer Rabbit?” Brer Fox wanted to know.
“Oh, he doing fine, I reckon. He’s mighty quiet, but he’s in there.”
Brer Fox took his axe and – POW! – started in on the tree. He was swinging that axe so hard and so fast, the chips were piling up like snowflakes.
“He’s in there!” Brer Buzzard yelled. “He’s in there!” The sweat was pouring off Brer Fox like grease coming out of a Christmas goose what’s been in the oven all day. Finally, Brer Buzzard couldn’t hold it in any longer and he bust out laughing.
“What’s so doggone funny?” Brer Fox wanted to know, putting his axe down.
“He’s in there, Brer Fox! He’s in there!” Brer Buzzard exclaimed, still laughing.
Brer Fox was suspicious now. He stuck his head in the hole and didn’t see a thing. “It’s dark in there, Brer Buzzard. Your neck is longer than mine. You stick your head in. Maybe you can see where he’s at.”
Brer Buzzard didn’t want to do it, but he didn’t have no choice. He walked over real careful like, stuck his head in the hole, and soon as he did, Brer Fox grabbed his neck and pulled him out.
“Let me go, Brer Fox! I ain’t done nothing to you. I got to get home to my wife. She be worrying about me.”
“She don’t have to do that, ’cause you gon’ be dead if you don’t tell me where that rabbit is.”
Brer Buzzard told him what had happened and how sorry he was.
“Well, it don’t make no never mind,” said Brer Fox. “You’ll do just as good.[43] I’m gon’ throw you on a fire and burn you up.”
“If you do, I’ll fly away.”
“Well, if that’s the case, I better take care of you right here and now.”
Brer Fox grabbed Brer Buzzard by the tail to throw him on the ground and break his neck. Soon as he raised his arm, however, Brer Buzzard’s tail feathers came out and he flew away.
Po’ Brer Fox. If it wasn’t for bad luck, he wouldn’t have no luck at all.
Brer Rabbit and Sister Cow
While Brer Fox was sitting on the ground with Brer Buzzard’s tail feathers in his hand, wondering if God had something against him, Brer Rabbit was eleventeen miles away. He was tired, sweaty, and out of breath, and when he saw Sister Cow grazing in a field, he thought how nice it would be if she gave him some milk to drink. But he knew she wouldn’t. One time his wife had been sick and Brer Rabbit had asked her for some milk and she’d refused him. But that didn’t make no never mind. He was going to get him some of her milk.
“How you, Sister Cow?” asked Brer Rabbit, walking up to her.
“Reckon I be getting on all right, Brer Rabbit. How you be?”
“Fair to middling.[44] Fair to middling.”
“How’s your family?”
“’bout the same, I reckon. How’s Brer Bull and all your young’uns?”
“They