his throat and blew it out forcefully. Instantly I realized he was looking for something to snack on after the chow.
“Howard, I wish I had some commissary I could share with you, but I just got in this place not long ago.”
“I understand. I have to see the psychologist tomorrow and have to go back to the county jail, and then the judge will sentence me,” he reiterated his situation.
He suddenly looked depressed when he mentioned the sentencing, but I did not know how I could elevate his mood. I waited for a while and lay down, thinking unthinkable facts about my conviction.
Thank God, Howard did not do drugs so I thought he could survive. If he did, I guessed, he would end up getting killed or serving real big time in prison. I personally never touched any drugs so it was not easy for me to judge other people’s misdemeanors.
When the night got deeper, he seemed more nervous and kept smoking and standing in the cell floor.
“Come on, Howard, lie down,” I suggested.
He glanced at me, and then kept wandering. I knew he had to go down to see the psychologist the next day so I understood his emotions.
“What happened to your father? You don’t have a father?” I resumed the conversation.
“No. I never knew I had a father. My mother never mentioned about a father so I never bothered asking her.”
“You did not want to know who your father is.”
“No, my mother said nothing and I did not want to know.”
His story gave me an idea of why and how he became prematurely sexually active. It seemed to me that his mother made him act and behave like a mature person from childhood. I was curious about the disciplining by his mother, so I asked.
“When you drank beer, your mom did not punish you?”
“She never swore at me when she saw me drinking. She was busy having a good time with her boyfriend so she never pointed out my drinking. As I said, the drinking made me feel good and relaxed.”
“Your mom has never asked what you have been doing when she comes back from outside?”
“No. She usually said nothing but sometimes she asked what I ate for lunch.”
“Did you go to school regularly?”
“I did until middle school.”
“How come you said you could not find friends your age?”
“Like I said, they seemed all retarded and behind in my thinking, so I had to play with older guys.”
“The older guys welcomed you as their member?”
“Of course, they welcomed me always. And they’ve seen I am smart and good at any sneaking business. Since I joined I’ve been helping them in buying drugs.”
“You said your mom found a new boyfriend. Who is your mom’s boyfriend now?”
“His name is Dan. He moved in to our apartment three months ago. My mom kept changing boyfriends.”
“What is he doing while you are in school?”
“Doing nothing, and he is lazy. He smokes and drinks. That’s all he’s been doing while living with my mom.”
“Who takes care of all the food, clothing and rent?”
“I believe my mom does, but I really don’t know how she has managed the household things. I believe she must get some money from a boyfriend or the government.”
“You said her boyfriend is not working, then how could he give money to your mom?”
“He got something from the government and possibly from dope.”
“Did you see him selling dope?”
“No, but I know he does, because so often many people came to the apartment and exchanged cash.”
“No policemen detected his dope dealings?”
“No.”
“You did not worry about his trafficking businesses.”
“Who cares? As long as my mom said nothing I don’t want to know about what he is doing.”
“I have another question. I know you said you started to drink at age ten, but tell me when did you have sex?”
“I think when I was fourteen. As I said, I used to read and watch a lot of Playboy and other adult magazines. Her boyfriend brought all kinds of adult magazines and they were on the table so I happened to examine them all the time.”
“Do you remember who you had sex with the very first time?”
“Yeah, I remember. Her name was Sandra, and she was fifteen at that time. She began to visit my apartment since she knew I was alone. She was nice and bought food for me. One day, we sat and talked about this and that, and then drank together. It was night and my mom was out with her boyfriend. She kissed me and we had sex that night. After our first experience, she stopped by my apartment two, three times a week and we had sex all the time. Then I began to have sex with other girls too.”
“What happened to Sandra now? Is she still with you?”
“No. When I was arrested for a theft and taken to the boys’ school, I lost contact with her.”
“Now, do you have a new girlfriend?”
“Yes. She is a good girl. Her name is Elena. When I got out of the boys’ school last year, I met her at my friend’s house. She was there to celebrate his birthday. I liked her when I first saw her. We talked a lot and drank for a while. When the party was over, she followed me to my apartment, and then we had sex. Since then, she would come to my apartment from time to time. She thought I was just one of the older boys. But the next day when she learned how old I was, she started kidding me, but she said she loved my sex.”
“How old is she?”
“She is twenty. She told me she wants to be a nurse. She will graduate two years from now. She is smart and does not do drug things. She drinks occasionally but not like other girls on the street. She understands me well and my situation. I love her. I am nervous because of her. I wish she could keep in touch with me as she promised even if I were sent to prison. Because of her I am nervous and depressed,” he said in a low tone, but his smoking habit kept the cell clouded.
“What are you going to do if the court sentences you?”
“I don’t really know, but I have to face the judge first. I don’t have money for a counsel, so the judge probably will give me three to four years in prison.”
“How well do you know the judge will sentence you four years?”
“That’s what most get for a robbery charge. If the psychologist evaluates me a bad boy, then the judge probably gives me a longer time, but so far I am thinking that the court will punish me three years behind bars.”
“Have you thought about your girlfriend Elena after you were arrested?”
“Yes. When I met her, I said, ‘I am sorry,’ and promised her to never commit crime again hereafter. She accepted my apology and said she will wait for me. I am not sure she will but I really hope so.”
From all this thinking of his girlfriend he smoked even more and was restless. I understood his feelings so I kept watching his pacing.
“Did your mom meet and know her?”
“Yeah, one day when we finished sex and got out for a breath, she was right in front of us. She said nothing. She picked up something from her room and then disappeared.”
“You say your mom made no comment to you when she saw you both naked?’
“Yeah, that’s how she used to show me when I was young. I saw