Frank Anthony Polito

Drama Queers!


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Findlay.”

      I told you she’s Most Popular Girl!

      Shellee stands, giving her “What’s up, Fox?” wave. Despite strictly being told not to succumb, a spatter of applause spouts from her adoring fans. Mr. Verlander ignores the ruckus and returns to his list.

      “Jamieleeann Mary Sue Good.”

      Senior class president, Varsity cheerleading captain, secretary of National Honor Society, and don’t forget she’s in Chorale.

      “Fay Keating.”

      The very sporty and very popular girls’ Varsity basketball co-captain.

      Like I said, I been friends with Fay since she came over to Webb from St. Mary’s, so I’m totally psyched for her. Did I mention how awesome she looks since she cut her hair super short and added a few blond highlights?

      “Marie Sperling.”

      Co-captain of Vikettes…Surprise, surprise!

      Don’t get me wrong, I love Marie. In fact, she was my first costar when we did that silent movie skit back in Ms. Lemieux’s 7th grade Enriched English & Social Studies…’member? Thank God she finally broke up with that jerk Tom Fulton. He did not deserve her!

      With only one more slot left to fill, I can’t help but worry, who’s it gonna be?

      Natalie Davis?

      Betsy Sheffield?

      Please, God, don’t let it be her, let it be…

      “Stacy Gillespie.”

      Woo–hoo!

      Stacy stands. She brushes a strand of her brown bob behind an ear, forcing a shy smile as she catches my eye.

      “Congratulations,” I whisper, hoping Stacy will soon have reason to reciprocate.

      Mr. Verlander nods, pleased that he’s made these five particular girls’ day. “Ladies, please remain standing while I announce the names of the ‘Top 5’ gentlemen…”

      Today!

      He looks over his other shoulder towards us guys. Since I’m sitting in the front row, I can’t speak for those behind me, but I feel Kenny Daw’s leg tense up as it touches mine. I get the feeling he’s as fucking nervous as I am.

      “Fellas…When I call your name, please stand.” And to the peons in the pit, Verlander says, “Again, let’s try to hold our applause.”

      Fingers still crossed at my side, I say another silent prayer—this time for myself. I may act all devil-may-care, like being on “Top 5” is totally no biggie. To be honest, it’s something I been dreaming of since the day I first heard of its existence during Sophomore year.

      “Again in no particular order,” Mr. Verlander insists, “first up…Thomas Fulton.”

      Varsity football and boys’ basketball co-captain.

      I’m just glad Tom is sitting in the row behind me so I don’t have to see the smug look on his face when he stands and takes in the thunderous applause that erupts from the Peanut Gallery. I mean, why can’t these people pay attention to anything they’re told? “Hold your applause” means “Do not clap!” Clearly, Tom Fulton is the Hillbilly High Homecoming King favorite for 1987…I think I’m gonna puke!

      “Jonathan Glowicki.”

      Varsity football and boys’ basketball player.

      “Kenneth Daw.”

      Despite doing his best to act all cool, I can tell Kenny’s totally psyched. So much so, he reaches out and High-Fives me, which comes as a surprise. It’s not every day the co-captain of boys’ Varsity basketball fraternizes with this Band Fag-turned-Drama Queer.

      “Mitchell Bloodworth.”

      Yet another Varsity football player.

      Five seats over, via my peripheral vision, I see a white-blond head nodding up and down on a pair of linebacker’s shoulders. Mitch rises and joins the rest of the ’87 Homecoming Court.

      Shit!

      That means there’s only one name left.

      In his intro, Mr. Verlander clearly stated that one of the names on the list belonged to a member of Marching Band. That means no Rob Berger or Joey Palladino on “Top 5.” I’m totally shocked.

      Could it be…?

      What about Don Olsewski? He’s in Marching Band…

      But so am I!

      Time slows to a standstill, like in that moment from my favorite movie, Ice Castles, with real-life skater Lynn-Holly Johnson, and Robby Benson, from Ode to Billy Joe.

      After skyrocketing to the top of the circuit, Alexis “Lexie” Winston has become everybody’s darling, prompting her to freak out because people wanna touch her all the time. At a rooftop party, Lexie goes out for a breath of fresh air. What better way to relax than by skating some laps? As a slew of party guests look on, along with her coach, Deborah Machland, and new boyfriend, the sleazy-but-oh-so-cute newscaster Brian Dockett, Lexie makes her way around the ice.

      Up to this point, she’s been working on landing the triple, but Coach Deborah keeps telling Lexie she’s not good enough—the bitch! Faster and faster, the music builds. Until everything starts moving in slow-mo as Lexie prepares to make the leap…One. Two. Three.

      Clunk!

      The blade of Lexie’s skate catches on some stupid chain wrapped around some stupid outdoor patio furniture set up alongside the skating rink. Down she tumbles, smacking her head—hard! Thus causing Alexis Winston’s whole world to come crashing to a halt.

      I won’t ruin the rest of the plot. All I will say is…It’s totally tragic.

      “And last, but certainly not least,” Mr. Verlander concludes, “the final name on the 1987 ‘Top 5’ Homecoming is…”

      Please, God, don’t let it be Don Olsewski, let it be…

      “Bradley Dayton.”

      Oh, my God…He fucking called my name…Again!

      Like a dork I stand up, trying not to look too enthused, yet wanting to convey how honored I am to be recognized. Only this time, I keep my hands at my side. No more waving like fucking Queen Elizabeth!

      Unfortunately, I can’t tell you what happens after this.

      Next thing I’m aware of is the blinding flash of a flashbulb flashing in my face. I’m standing beside Shellee Findlay. All the “Top 5” girls have been paired up with a “Top 5” boy and we’re having our pictures taken.

      “S-H-E-L-L-E-E.”

      Miss Findlay reminds the photographer this as he writes down her name with pad and pencil.

      “And yours?” I hear a voice say. “Would you prefer Brad or Bradley?”

      I blink a few times, hoping to dissipate the fog from inside my head.

      “Whatever,” I reply, not even sure if I heard the question.

      For the first time, I notice who the guy with the camera standing in front of me is.

      None other than the Editor-in-Chief of The Hazel Parker, and my Best Friend since 7th grade: Jack Paterno.

      He looks at me, says nothing. Then he walks away.

      Somehow, I just knew Jack would be be pissed!

      Three days later, I write the following…

      October 9, 1987

      Jack,

      I’m sitting in Adv. Gram/Term Paper totally bored out of my mind. You should see the tarp Mrs. Mayer’s wearing this morning! Right now she’s