on the snogging scale). But my mouth had gone into pucker mode so when he stopped my mouth was a bit behind and still a bit open. I hoped I didn’t look like a startled goldfish.
He kissed me again, this time harder and longer. His mouth was all warm and wet (not wet like Mollusc Boy though). He put one of his hands on the back of my head, which was just as well as I thought my head might fall off. And then he started kissing my neck. Little sucky kisses right up to my ear. Fanbloodytastic. After a bit of that, and believe me I could have gone on doing that for years, he put his tongue ever so softly into my ear!! Really! Ear snogging!!! Fantastic.
I think I might have lost the use of my legs then because I fell over on to the sofa.
My bedroom
10:00 p.m.
I am in Love Heaven. What a beyond fab day. He is Sex God of the Universe and beyond.
I crept downstairs and phoned Jas.
“Jas,” I whispered.
“Why are you whispering?”
“Because M and D are in the front room and I don’t want them to know I am calling you.”
“Oh.”
“I have had the most amazing time, I—”
“Well I haven’t; I just can’t decide whether to have my hair cut for the gig … Do you think yes or no? I mean, it’s nice to have it long but then it’s nice to have it short, but then—”
“Jas, Jas … it is my turn to talk.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do.”
“Oh.”
“Ask me what I have just done.”
“Why? Don’t you know?” And she started laughing.
I forgot I was supposed to be whispering and yelled down the phone, “Jas!!!”
Then I told her. “I went round to Robbie’s house to see him.”
Jas said, “No!”
“Mais oui!”
“Sacré bleu!”
“Aujourd’hui.”
“Well, what happened?”
And I said, “Well, it was beyond marvy. We talked and snogged and then he made me a sandwich and we snogged and then he played me a record and then we snogged.”
“So it was like …”
“Yeah … a snogging fest.”
“Sacré bleu!”
Jas sounded like she was thinking which isa) unusual and b) scary.
I said, “But then this weird thing happened. He was playing me his demo CD and standing behind me with his hands on my waist.”
“Oo-er …”
“D’accord. Anyway, I turned round and he sort of leaped out of the way like two short leaping things.”
“Was he dancing?”
“No … I think he was frightened of being knocked out by my nunga-nungas …”
Then we both laughed like loons on loon tablets (i.e. a LOT).
My bedroom 10:20 p.m.
Vati made me get off the phone and gave his famous “We are not made of money” speech first given in 1846.
11:00 p.m.
Emergency snogging scale update:
1. holding hands
2. arm around
3. good-night kiss
4. kiss lasting over three minutes without a breath
5. open-mouth kissing
6. tongues
6½. ear snogging
7. upper-body fondling – outdoors
8. upper-body fondling – indoors (in bed)
9. below waist activity (b.w.a.)
10. the full monty
Friday October 29th
11:10 a.m.
Dreamed of Robbie feeding me chocolate sandwiches. Which was really cool. But then he started nibbling my ears in a sort of peckish way and he nibbled them both off. Then for some reason we were in the South of France at some big gig and it was really sunny and I got my shades out to put on and they just fell off because I had no ears to balance them on.
I don’t know what this means. It means I am feverish with love.
Very nippy noodles again. Brrrr. Oh, it’s snowed during the night, that’s why.
When I got out of bed and stood in the cold air my nipples did that sticking out thing again. On the whole I seem to have very little control over my body.
Still, so what!!!
6:00 p.m.
Spent the day in a love haze punctuated by rescuing bits of my underwear from Angus’s basket. He is in an awful mood. He climbed up the curtains like a Tyrolean mountaineer in a furry suit. I don’t know why.
Waching TV 9:00 p.m.
It’s a programme called “Changing Rooms” where some sadists go into some other people’s home and change their living room into a water feature. With the aid of bubble-wrap. What amazes me is that there is no violence.
9:10 p.m.
Phone rang. OhmyGod. I almost ripped it off the wall.
It was Rosie checking arrangements for tomorrow.
I could hardly hear her because there was such loud music in the background. She said, “Greetings, earth creature … SVEN!!!!! You adorable Norwegian fool, turn the music down!!”
I heard laughing and stamping and then the music went quieter. Rosie said, “Jas said you did ear snogging yesterday.”
Oh thank you, Radio Jas.
Saturday October 30th
10:30 a.m.
Phoned Jas for gang discussion. Where we should all meet today and so on.
When she answered I came over a bit French. (Because I am in Le Luurve Heaven.)
“Bonjour, Jas, it is moi, ta grande amie.”
“Ah, bonjour.”
“Ah d’accord, I have just manged my breakfast, I manged the delicieusement toast and le coffee de Monsieur Nescafé.”
“Magnifique.”
“De rigeur.”
We are meeting at gang headquarters (Luigi’s café) at one o’clock and then going on for a bit of heavy make-up trying-on in Boots, etc. I have only got a measly five pounds to