Muhammad al-Muwaylihi

What 'Isa ibn Hisham Told Us


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هذا الرجل الذي جاءنا سكران من الخارج يعربد في محلنا فيأبى الجندي الا القبض على الاثنين فيغمزه صاحب المحل ليلين له فيقول أحد الغلمان: لا لزوم لما تعمل فان حضرة المعاون جالس عندنا في البار مع رفيقته فلانة.

      صاحب الحانة (للجندي) لم يبق محل لتوجهك بهما الى القسم فتعالوا بنا ندخل الى حضرة المعاون في البار.

      الجندي هذه حيلة أعرفها تريد بها تهريب صاحبك وكيف يكون حضرة المعاون هنا في البار وهو الليلة صاحب النوبة في القسم.

      صاحب الحانة ما عليك الا أن تدخل وهما في قبضتك فتراه بعينيك.

      “That’s enough singing,” he yelled. “Let’s have some dancing instead.” Some of the crowd agreed with him and yelled for dancing. The person who had originally asked for singing and those with him were furious. Along with everyone else, they kept yelling for more singing. The drunkard turned round and started cursing and mocking them, ridiculing their poor taste and stupid choice. Some fool answered back, whereupon the drunkard set about him with his stick. The proprietor got up from his seat, pounced on the drunkard, grabbed him by the collar, and dragged him toward the exit. The man who had wanted the song to continue swore at the drunkard and laid into him. The latter clung to his assailant’s coattails, yelling “Police, police!” The waiters assisted the proprietor and dragged the drunkard towards the exit, but he kept clinging to his assailant’s coat until they reached the exit. A policeman had responded to his cries and was waiting there. He was intending to arrest both men, but the proprietor stopped him taking in the drunkard’s assailant. “Just take this man away,” he told the policeman. “He got utterly drunk somewhere else first, then came to my place and started picking fights.” But the policeman would only arrest both men. The proprietor made a gesture to the policeman as if to give way to him. Just then one of the waiters came rushing over. “You needn’t do anything,” he said. “The Police Adjutant’s here; he’s sitting at the bar with his girlfriend X.”

      Proprietor (to the Policeman) Now you’ve no reason to take them both to the police station. Come along, we’ll all go in and see the Adjutant at the bar.

      Policeman This is obviously a trick. I realize you’re trying to rescue your friend. How can the Adjutant be in the bar? Tonight’s his shift at the station.

      Proprietor Just bring these two men you’ve arrested inside and see for yourself.

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      الجندي يمتثل فيدخلون فيرون المعاون جالسًا بجانب رفيقته خالعًا رداءه على ظهرها وطربوشه على رأسها وهو يسقيها من كأسه وتعاطيه من كأسها.

      صاحب الحانة (للمعاون) لقد تعطل يا حضرة الأفندي محلي وتعطيله لا يرضيك فان هذا الرجل قد دخل عندي وهو سكران من الخارج لم يشرب من هنا شيئًا فعربد في المكان واخل بنظامه ثم تعدى على هذا البك وهو من أكثر الناس ترددوا علينا والغريب أن جندي البوليس صمم على أخذهما معا الى القسم وحضرة البك من أبناء الكرام ولا يليق بكرامته أن يرافق السكران اليه ثم أن الجندي لم يسمع لي قولا عندما أوقفته على الحقيقة.

      المعاون يلبس طربوشه ويستدعي الجندي فيدخل عليه رافعًا يده بسلام التعظيم.

      المعاون (للجندي) اذا كان الرجل السكران يا فلان في سكر بين فخذه وحده الى القسم وما دام الآخر لم يحصل منه شيء بشهادة حضرة الخواجه فلا لزوم لأخذه والتسبب في تعطيل المحل ويكفي أن حضرة البك يعدنا بالحضور غدًا لأخذ شهادته على هذا السكران.

      عند ذلك يدفع صاحب الحان بالسكران الى الخارج فيتبعه الجندي.

      الجندي (لصاحب الحان) اذا كنت في كل مرة تطاوع أجيرك في ما يشير به عليك فليس حضرة المعاون يكون عندك في كل ليلة والايام بيننا.

      صاحب الحانة لا عليك فأرسله أنت الى الحبس ثم لا تفتكر.

      The Policeman agreed, so they all went inside, only to find the Adjutant sitting beside his girlfriend with his coat over her shoulders and his tarboosh on her head. He was giving her a drink from his glass while she did the same from hers.

      Proprietor (to the Adjutant) My dear Sir, business in my premises has been completely disrupted, and I’m sure that’s not to your pleasing. This man arrived already drunk from somewhere else and didn’t order anything in my place. He picked a quarrel, disturbed the atmosphere, and then proceeded to assault this gentleman who’s one of my most regular customers. What’s odd is that this Policeman has insisted on taking them both to the police station. This gentleman’s someone of noble birth. It isn’t appropriate for someone of his stature to be dragged off to court with this drunkard. The policeman refused to listen to me when I explained the story to him.

      The Adjutant now put his tarboosh back on and called over the Policeman. The Policeman came over and gave a salute.

      Adjutant (to the Policeman) Since this man’s so obviously drunk, you need only take him to the station. As long as this gentleman did not instigate an assault, as the Proprietor tells us, there’s no need to take him now and further disrupt things here. It’ll be sufficient for the gentleman to promise us to come to the station tomorrow so we can take his deposition against the drunkard.

      With that, the Proprietor pushed the drunkard towards the exit, accompanied by the Policeman.

      Policeman (to the Proprietor) It’s all very clever for you to follow your waiter’s cues. But then, the Adjutant isn’t here every night; and there are always the days in between!

      Proprietor Never mind! Just put him in prison and don’t think any more about it!

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      قال عيسى بن هشام: وعدنا الى باب البار فرأينا البك خصم السكران وصاحب الحان جالسين مع المعاون وسمعنا البك