feeling will only increase as you both grow impatient. If you begin to suffer these feelings, share them with your partner immediately. Plan “sex dates” that don’t revolve around her ovulation time and discuss ways to create a more relaxing and less stressful romantic environment.
Choosing the best time for conception
When we talk about the best time for conception, we’re not talking about the phase of the moon or the alignment of the stars; we’re talking about planning to have sex at certain times to increase the odds that you’ll hit the day when an egg is present and ready to be fertilized. Why do you have to plan? Well, not all women have 28-day menstrual cycles — the average menstrual cycle is 38 to 35 days — and ovulation doesn’t always occur on day 14 of the cycle.
Ovulation does, however, always occur 14 days before the next period is due, or, to be more accurate, your partner’s period starts 14 days after ovulation occurs. You can figure out the best timing for your conception efforts in several ways, which we explore in the following sections.
Monitoring ovulation with a kit
Predicting ovulation doesn’t take mind-reading abilities. Simple observation and a few ovulation predictor kits (OPKs) from the pharmacy are all you need to pinpoint the big day. OPKs determine the rise in luteinizing hormone (LH) that occurs just before egg release. Your partner urinates into a cup, dips the test stick into the urine, and reads the results.
Watching for physical signs of ovulation
Your partner may also be able to tell when ovulation occurs by these signs:
Cervical mucus becomes more copious, thinner, and more slippery and stretchy as ovulation approaches.
She may have mittelschmerz, a pain on the left or right side as the egg releases from the ovary.
Her temperature drops slightly right before ovulation and rises afterward.
You can track ovulation by keeping a monthly temperature chart, but doing so can be a real pain because your partner has to take her temperature first thing in the morning, before she gets out of bed, and when she uses the bathroom or has a cup of coffee.
Catching ovulation with a regular visit
If you don’t want to closely monitor ovulation, you can take the easy way and simply have sex on a frequent, regular schedule. Medical practitioners seem to have differing opinions on how much sex is enough when you’re trying to get pregnant. Some say every other day helps build up a good supply of sperm; some say every day is okay starting a few days before ovulation and continuing (if you’re not dead yet) until the day after ovulation. Masturbation has the same effect on your sperm supply as having sex, so put that on the shelf for now and save the sperm for baby-making.
Scheduling sex: The do’s and don’ts
Just because you’ve written sex down on your calendar doesn’t mean it’s just another obligation that eats up your time and lacks excitement. After all, this appointment has a far bigger upside than the average visit to the dentist.
Do put sex on your calendar. Believe it or not, looking forward to intercourse all week can be very exciting. Verbal foreplay leading up to intercourse only increases the excitement.
Do plan a date that night if possible to make it a full-fledged romantic evening. Making it just about the sex increases your pressure to perform.
Do engage in foreplay. On TV and in movies, you often see the ovulating woman demand sex the minute her body temperature leads her to believe it’s the best time. Make sure to keep it romantic and intimate. Some light massage, touching, and kissing should do the trick.
Do mix it up. Remember that although some positions are supposed to be better when you’re trying to conceive, that doesn’t mean you have to stay in the same one the whole time.
Do keep it spontaneous. Knowing the exact date you’re going to have sex doesn’t mean the setting has to stay the same. Play music, light candles, take a warm bath (not too hot — remember, you don’t want to overheat the boys!), or even play out a fantasy if your partner is onboard.
Do help make the aftermath enjoyable. Your partner may want to elevate her legs and stay in bed for a while after intercourse to give the semen the best chance to stay put. Help her elevate her legs, and then put on her favorite show or read to her from a book. Don’t just get up and leave her alone.
Do have unscheduled sex. Letting nature run its course every once in a while is okay, even when your road to conception is more like driving in bumper-to-bumper traffic than the autobahn. After ejaculation, sperm can live in a woman’s reproductive tract for up to five days.
Don’t try too hard. Sex carries its own set of complex, anxiety-inducing expectations, but now that the expectations include creating a baby, the pressure can become downright overwhelming. If you experience performance issues, either mental or physical, due to the stress of the moment, talk it out with your partner. You won’t do anyone a favor by having sex as if you’re taking the SAT.
Don’t talk about the baby. Unless talking about getting her pregnant is a turn-on to your partner, keep the baby discussion out of the sex equation. Although trying to have a baby does indeed require sex, talking about getting her pregnant while engaging in intercourse likely won’t set your bedroom on fire.
Don’t drink before you have sex. Alcohol can cause performance issues, and the last thing you want to do is let your partner down because you had one too many beers.
Don’t assume your partner isn’t interested in both pleasure and conception. In fact, studies show that women who orgasm have a greater chance of conceiving than those who don’t.
Don’t make her laugh afterward. Keeping a sense of humor during sex is always a good thing, but keep the comedy to a minimum after you ejaculate. Laughing tenses muscles that cause the semen to come out, reducing the chance of conception.
Taking a Brief yet Important Look at Infertility