System life. How to organize life to cope with uncertainty and achieve results without burnout
are included in the «health» by default, but it is important for me to see and record the assessment separately. There is no need to delve into and come up with what is included in each item. If it’s hard to figure out, then divide one item into two different ones. When the columns are ready, then evaluate each sphere on a 10-point scale, where from 0 to 3 is a complete absence or minimal satisfaction; from 4 to 7 is an average degree, something has already been achieved, but not ideal; from 8 to 10 is maximum satisfaction.
It is important to identify fundamental problem areas. To improve anything, you need to understand what is wrong there now. Then fix it, achieve stability and then further growth. Very often, after watching enough successful posts or seeing an imbalance in the balance wheel, people immediately think about high goals and begin to take rash actions. For example, they buy a gym membership, and then it gets dusty on the table since there is a lot of work, no strength, etc. It’s not their fault. This is how our brain works. It doesn’t understand the past and the future. It perceives thoughts about a beautiful body as if you already have a beautiful body. Gives you a kick, you do harsh things, and then comes up with an explanation to save energy. At such moments, the owner of the fitness club rejoices and pumps the sphere of finance in the balance wheel at your expense. If you didn’t know, then fitness clubs know about this mechanism, and this is their earnings model. You buy a subscription and don’t go there. Just send your money and that’s it. It’s perfect. By this I want to say that before you aim at a big goal, you need to patch holes in fundamental things.
If you have from 1 to 3 on the balance wheel in the areas of «health», «energy», «time», «finance», then starting to move towards a big goal is like bailing out water with a bucket in a boat with a hole. It is always necessary to solve fundamental problems first in order to be in line for new changes. Evaluate your spheres of life, highlight the areas with the smallest ratings. Then line them up in a list from the most important to the least important. The top 4 must include: «health», «energy», «time» and «finance». If you have bad grades there, then forget about everything else for now and concentrate on them. Without them, you simply will not be able to start and finish the job.
Environment
Everyone knows the proverbs «tell me who your friend is, and I’ll tell you who you are» or «two peas in a pod.» They are most cheerfully known as «London is the capital of Great Britain». Every second person utters them, but has never meaningfully thought about his environment and its influence. The environment is one of the strongest factors affecting you. Each person pays attention to social connections with 150 people. Real social connections, not all 600 friends on a social network. The figure of 150 was confirmed by the evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar back in the 60s. In his theory, he calls all 150 people friends, but in fact, real friends are about 5 people. Then there are 15 people of friends and acquaintances. They make up your close circle of friends.
Model of a person’s social environment
At each level, you spend time communicating, giving emotions, energy and thoughts. And what is important – you also get them from the environment. Someone is charging you and supporting you. Someone is just crying to you or complaining about life. Someone wants to discuss gossip or impose their interests. Someone has not achieved anything themselves and does not want you to achieve it. Someone is genuinely happy for you, and someone smiles into your eyes, and then discusses with their friends what an asshole you are.
Until 2013, I myself had never thought about the environment. I’ve always been surrounded by my best friends. We had common interests and each other’s support. We studied, worked, had a cool vacation and made music. It was a great time; it was a separate life. Then some left Donetsk, and some lived far away. We rarely saw each other, and messengers were not so popular then. Most of the time I was working. I went to the factory, where most of my entourage were factory workers. There were a lot of cool guys there, but the composition of the shifts often changed, and I rarely crossed paths with them. Then I just got into the universe of workers, where many people think that no one can achieve anything on their own, that everywhere there are small salaries, the bosses are assholes, they all pumped themselves into cars and apartments, and the president does not worry about our well – being, and we are simply used as slaves. There were shifts of 12 hours, so I listened to this attitude to life and the world almost around the clock. I couldn’t not communicate, but I didn’t support anyone either. I thought that if I don’t think so, then I just listen to them like a radio, and it doesn’t affect me. One day, in another conversation with my wife about buying an apartment in Donetsk, I caught myself thinking that I also began to think so. That everyone is to blame for me, and apartments cost a lot of money, and you can’t earn money on them in an honest way. I just felt that I was becoming like these people at the factory. Whose goals in life do not go beyond a bottle of cognac on the weekend. After that, I just got sick of work, and I wanted to change everything. Country, city, job, everything to completely reset. So that Will Smith «flashed» me a device from «Men in Black», and I forgot all about these times.
Then I started getting interested in moving to Moscow. Thinking about all relocation options, laws, documents, housing, etc. At the same time, I got into a shift with a new chemist, Evgeny Kazakov. We immediately got along, became friends, and I found out that he also wanted to leave. We quickly joined forces on the issue of relocation. We sat in the airlock for 7 hours every shift and discussed moving options. I remember looking at Moscow job offers and admiring big salaries of 25,000 rubles. We can say that getting to know Zheka saved me. From the «hands are beginning to give up, let it be what it will be» mode, I switched to the «I will do everything to achieve what I want» mode. Every day at 6 a.m. I went to the bus and wanted to come to work as soon as possible to discuss with Zheka what information I found and what he did. When everything came true, I clearly understood that you can get anything you want. The main thing is to do something, try and not stop. This situation has changed my thinking and attitude to difficulties. One person was then my positive environment. Imagine if there were 12 of them. Who would support and believe with me. This does not mean that my wife, parents and friends did not support me. I just didn’t tell them about my plans and was constantly at work.
There is a famous statement «Crab bucket theory». It says that the crabs put in the bucket will pull down the crab that starts to get out of this bucket. Therefore, the sooner you meaningfully analyze your environment and remove all the crabs from there, the sooner you will feel changes for the better. Unfortunately, often in our environment, negative energy comes from those closest to us. Our parents, relatives, friends do not believe in us, question our success and abilities. There is one way to deal with this. If there are crabs among friends and colleagues, then such communication should be stopped as soon as possible. You don’t have to call them or write: «get out, bloodsucker, we don’t communicate anymore.» Just smoothly exit the communication and reduce it to zero. If such people are among parents, friends, relatives, then you need to agree that they do not say anything negative to you and do not complain. The main thing is to clearly distinguish requests for help from meaningless whining. From experience, I am sure that a small part will succeed. The rest will have hard work, difficult decisions or psychological stability. If you have such friends, relatives or family members, honestly and politely explain your thought once or twice. Explain that you are uncomfortable and you don’t know how to react. If nothing changes, they ignore you, continue bombarding you with dirt and negativity, then this means that they don’t care. They just satisfy their needs by communicating with you. Like, who, if not you, will listen to them? Stop this communication. It won’t lead to anything good.
«A person will be more willing to manipulate other people for the sake of getting support than he will agree to stand on his own feet to wipe his own ass»
Many will say that I am cruel and suggest cutting off communication with relatives and