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The History of Troilus and Cressida


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use, or

      purblind

          Argus, all eyes and no sight.

        CRESSIDA. But how should this man, that makes me smile, make

      Hector

            angry?

        ALEXANDER. They say he yesterday cop'd Hector in the battle and

          struck him down, the disdain and shame whereof hath ever

      since

          kept Hector fasting and waking.

      Enter PANDARUS

        CRESSIDA. Who comes here?

        ALEXANDER. Madam, your uncle Pandarus.

        CRESSIDA. Hector's a gallant man.

        ALEXANDER. As may be in the world, lady.

        PANDARUS. What's that? What's that?

        CRESSIDA. Good morrow, uncle Pandarus.

        PANDARUS. Good morrow, cousin Cressid. What do you talk of? -

      Good

          morrow, Alexander. – How do you, cousin? When were you at

      Ilium?

        CRESSIDA. This morning, uncle.

        PANDARUS. What were you talking of when I came? Was Hector

      arm'd

          and gone ere you came to Ilium? Helen was not up, was she?

        CRESSIDA. Hector was gone; but Helen was not up.

        PANDARUS. E'en so. Hector was stirring early.

        CRESSIDA. That were we talking of, and of his anger.

        PANDARUS. Was he angry?

        CRESSIDA. So he says here.

        PANDARUS. True, he was so; I know the cause too; he'll lay

      about

          him today, I can tell them that. And there's Troilus will not

          come far behind him; let them take heed of Troilus, I can

      tell

          them that too.

        CRESSIDA. What, is he angry too?

        PANDARUS. Who, Troilus? Troilus is the better man of the two.

        CRESSIDA. O Jupiter! there's no comparison.

        PANDARUS. What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you know a

      man

          if you see him?

        CRESSIDA. Ay, if I ever saw him before and knew him.

        PANDARUS. Well, I say Troilus is Troilus.

        CRESSIDA. Then you say as I say, for I am sure he is not

      Hector.

        PANDARUS. No, nor Hector is not Troilus in some degrees.

        CRESSIDA. 'Tis just to each of them: he is himself.

        PANDARUS. Himself! Alas, poor Troilus! I would he were!

        CRESSIDA. So he is.

        PANDARUS. Condition I had gone barefoot to India.

        CRESSIDA. He is not Hector.

        PANDARUS. Himself! no, he's not himself. Would 'a were himself!

          Well, the gods are above; time must friend or end. Well,

      Troilus,

          well! I would my heart were in her body! No, Hector is not a

          better man than Troilus.

        CRESSIDA. Excuse me.

        PANDARUS. He is elder.

        CRESSIDA. Pardon me, pardon me.

        PANDARUS. Th' other's not come to't; you shall tell me another

      tale

          when th' other's come to't. Hector shall not have his wit

      this

          year.

        CRESSIDA. He shall not need it if he have his own.

        PANDARUS. Nor his qualities.

        CRESSIDA. No matter.

        PANDARUS. Nor his beauty.

        CRESSIDA. 'Twould not become him: his own's better.

        PANDARUS. YOU have no judgment, niece. Helen herself swore th'

          other day that Troilus, for a brown favour, for so 'tis, I

      must

          confess- not brown neither-

        CRESSIDA. No, but brown.

        PANDARUS. Faith, to say truth, brown and not brown.

        CRESSIDA. To say the truth, true and not true.

        PANDARUS. She prais'd his complexion above Paris.

        CRESSIDA. Why, Paris hath colour enough.

        PANDARUS. So he has.

        CRESSIDA. Then Troilus should have too much. If she prais'd him

          above, his complexion is higher than his; he having colour

          enough, and the other higher, is too flaming praise for a

      good

          complexion. I had as lief Helen's golden tongue had commended

          Troilus for a copper nose.

        PANDARUS. I swear to you I think Helen loves him better than

      Paris.

        CRESSIDA. Then she's a merry Greek indeed.

        PANDARUS. Nay, I am sure she does. She came to him th' other

      day

          into the compass'd window-and you know he has not past three

      or

          four hairs on his chin-

        CRESSIDA. Indeed a tapster's arithmetic may soon bring his

          particulars therein to a total.

        PANDARUS. Why, he is very young, and yet will he within three

      pound

          lift as much as his brother Hector.

        CRESSIDA. Is he so young a man and so old a lifter?

        PANDARUS. But to prove to you that Helen loves him: she came

      and

          puts me her white hand to his cloven chin-

        CRESSIDA. Juno have mercy! How came it cloven?

        PANDARUS. Why, you know, 'tis dimpled. I think his smiling

      becomes

          him better than any man in all Phrygia.

        CRESSIDA. O, he smiles valiantly!

        PANDARUS. Does he not?

        CRESSIDA. O yes, an 'twere a cloud in autumn!

        PANDARUS. Why, go to, then! But to prove to you that Helen

      loves

          Troilus-

        CRESSIDA. Troilus will stand to the proof, if you'll prove it

      so.

        PANDARUS. Troilus! Why, he esteems her no more than I esteem an

          addle egg.

        CRESSIDA. If you love an addle egg as well as you love an idle

          head,