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Confessions of a Lapdancer


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pretty and preferred short hair to long, but even I had to admit my spiky, jet-black cut – inspired by early Siouxsie Sioux, I liked to think – was quite a strong statement.

      I didn’t wear much make-up at the office but for the evenings I liked to emphasise my pale skin and blue eyes by wearing deep crimson lipstick, black mascara and liquid eye liner.

      I always wore my armour, though – a trusty black trouser suit worn with a polo neck or a shirt. Even wearing a skirt at work made guys like Luke think I was weak.

      Tania came in.

      ‘Geri, sorry to interrupt, but the guys are ready to leave and we don’t want to be left behind, do we?’ she said.

      ‘OK, Tania, I’ll be ready in a mo,’ I told her.

      After a good five minutes, I joined the male members of staff by the front entrance. Luke leered at Tania while I made eye contact with Ryan. He was a little too rugby club for my liking but served a purpose on the nights I felt horny.

      At least Daryll was a man who knew his own mind. As our boss, he walked around the office with a proprietorial air that I found patronising, and he never attempted to curb the offensive locker-room banter indulged in by the guys, but I did respect his knowledge and experience.

      ‘Daryll, how good of us to join you,’ I said, cheekily.

      ‘Very droll, Geraldine,’ he replied in his deep, Leslie Phillips-esque drawl. ‘I believe the first bottle will be on your account? And I trust I will not be seeing it on your expenses.’

      ‘Of course not, Daryll,’ I laughed. ‘I wouldn’t dream of fleecing Sloane Brothers out of their hard-earned cash. Even though I’ve earned most of it for them.’

      He smiled lasciviously.

      ‘You have the cheek of the devil, young lady,’ he winked, ‘but I admire you for it.’

      I winked back before exiting the office with Tania in tow, leaving the boys to make their own way to the bar.

      Luke and his posse were right behind me though as I calmly strolled into Corney & Barrow and before I knew it he was reaching his long arm over me in an attempt to grab the neck of the £200 Jeroboam that Tania was holding, like an eager puppy, ready to please.

      ‘No, Luke. This baby’s mine,’ I said firmly.

      ‘So you like them big, do you, Geri Boy?’ he taunted. ‘Well, let’s see whether you can make it shoot!’

      Ryan, who had zero loyalty to me despite our ‘relationship’, laughed right on cue, leaving me to work on removing the cork. I wedged the bottle between my toned thighs and gradually worked it loose, hearing that reassuring pop as Tania was poised with a flute to catch any overspill.

      ‘Oh, good show,’ said Luke. ‘Hardly a drop wasted!’

      I ignored him, instructing Tania to fill the glasses as I tested my muscle strength by gradually tipping the bottle until it was empty.

      ‘Wow, Geri, I’m impressed!’ said Tania. ‘Where did you get thighs like that?’

      ‘I’m an experienced show jumper,’ I replied, enjoying the look of surprise on her face.

      ‘Really?’ she said. ‘How did you get into that?’

      ‘Through Daryll, four years ago,’ I told her. ‘He’s always kept horses and he suggested I take lessons. Once I started, I found I had a natural talent for it. I’d recommend it to any woman – it exercises muscles you didn’t know you had and gives you great posture.’

      ‘Well, Geri – you are a dark horse, if you’ll pardon the pun,’ she giggled.

      I laughed politely but inside I felt uncomfortable. I hoped she’d never find out that I only started working with horses in order to keep in with Daryll and advance my career.

      ‘Geri, are you OK?’ asked Tania, who could see I was drifting off.

      ‘Yes, I’m fine,’ I replied. ‘Just thinking about Zeus, my gorgeous bay stallion.’

      ‘What, you own a horse?’ said Tania, her eyes widening.

      ‘Yes, he’s 16.2 hands, part thoroughbred, part warm blood,’ I said. ‘I keep him at a stable near my parents’ house in Sussex.’

      ‘God, that can’t be cheap,’ Tania remarked.

      ‘No, but he’s a beauty and worth every penny,’ I said. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go and talk to my boss.’

      Tania gawped at me. Jesus, Geraldine, I thought to myself. Don’t forget, this girl is Luke Cotterill’s piece of totty. Zip it …

      Aside from my flings with Ryan, I didn’t like to mix business with pleasure too much.

      Chapter Two

      The celebration at Corney & Barrow proceeded in the usual fashion, with obscene amounts of champagne being bought and consumed and the boys becoming louder and more annoying with every bottle.

      I managed to keep pace with them by sipping water each time I took a mouthful of fizz so I didn’t get totally pissed. At least they couldn’t accuse me of being a lightweight.

      As the barman called last orders, Luke gathered the guys around him and called for silence.

      ‘So, Brothers – the fun has only just begun!’ he slurred. ‘You’re all coming with me to a sexy little place I know called the Pearl, where we’ll get down to the serious business of celebrating.’

      ‘What’s the Pearl?’ I asked Tania, thinking it was some after-hours drinking den.

      ‘Oh, it’s a lap-dancing club,’ she replied, casually.

      ‘Bloody typical,’ I said. ‘He’s probably just trying to piss me off.’

      Tania looked at me blankly and said, ‘Oh, right. Well, actually it was my idea, not Luke’s.’

      Before I had a chance to find out how the hell Tania knew about a lap-dancing club, Luke had come over to pat her on the behind.

      ‘Coming then, sweetheart?’ he said to Tania, but looking directly at me. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t have been caught dead in a strip club. I hated those sorts of places. They were nothing but exploitation. But I couldn’t ignore the flagrant challenge in Luke’s eyes.

      ‘Oh no, Mr Cotterill, you’re not getting away with this,’ I said. ‘You’re not leaving me off the guest list.’

      ‘You’ll just spoil our fun, Geri Boy,’ he said.

      ‘I insist,’ I said.

      ‘Well, I guess my hot little babe here might need some company while I’m otherwise engaged,’ he continued. ‘But you’d better not spoil the party.’

      Quite why Tania couldn’t see that Luke was using her as arm candy, I had no idea, but there was no point in me tackling her about it as she probably would’ve thought I was jealous. Far from it.

      How the fuck could Daryll condone all of this? But perhaps it wasn’t a surprise. However urbane, he was a bit of an old lech himself. I felt he’d thrown me to the wolves by not preparing me for Luke’s relentless barrage of snide comments but then I had to remember what he’d told me when I joined Sloane Brothers: ‘If you want to play with the big boys, Geraldine, you have to beat them at their own game.’ Was Daryll checking to see if I was capable of that?

      I followed Tania and Luke out of the bar to be greeted by a white stretch limo. Luke had hired it to ferry the Brothers to the club, which I found utterly laughable.

      ‘Want a ride in my pimp mobile?’ he asked.

      ‘I’ll make my own way, thanks, Luke,’ I laughed. ‘If I’d wanted to look like a chav on a stag night I would have worn Burberry and plenty