had had enough of Josh, thank you very much. “I’m not leaving you.”
“I don’t want you to get sick, honey.”
A flutter of panic hit Rachel. What if she left and Mom G. died before she returned? Rachel knew she couldn’t live with that. “Josh can bring something here.”
“I want to sleep, Rachel. I’ll rest better knowing you’re letting Josh take care of you. As you promised.”
Josh reached out and took her hand. She swallowed back the shiver of comfort in his heated touch. “Rachel, you need a break. We’ll be back in a hour.”
“Anything could happen in an hour,” she whispered and pulled her hand free. Tears once again burned at the edges of her eyes.
“Do you trust God?”
She gazed into his warm hazel eyes. “Of course.” Her answer was automatic. There was no question in her mind she trusted God. He’d seen her through so much and had given her the direction for her life.
Josh placed his hand on her shoulder; heat spread out from the point of contact. “Then let’s entrust her to His care and ask for Him not to take her until you’ve returned.”
This was a test of her faith and she hated the sudden hesitation gripping her soul. She wanted to know where Josh stood. Had his faith survived the death of his wife? “Is your faith that strong?”
Something akin to anguish flittered across his face, but then it was gone, replaced by determination. “Right now it is.”
She had her answer. His relationship with Christ had suffered. She understood. To lose the one you loved so suddenly, without having a chance to say goodbye, would be enough to rock the most solid of foundations.
Mom G. squeezed her fingers. The weight of Josh’s hand on her shoulder imprinted her skin. Her gaze darted between the two. Did she have enough faith? A still, quiet moment slipped by and Rachel was filled with a comforting peace. She nodded. Please, God, let there be time for me to say goodbye.
Rachel listened to Josh’s words of prayer, felt them reverberate within her heart, filling her with comfort she gladly accepted. She’d always loved the sound of his resonant voice, could listen to him talk for hours. Time had only deepened the timbre, matured it in a way that was very appealing. And his words of faith were a balm to her weary soul.
“Thank you, Josh,” Rachel murmured.
“Shall we?” He gestured toward the door.
Rachel kissed Mom G. goodbye, noting how drawn and exhausted she looked. Mom G. had expended a great deal of energy in securing the promise she wanted. It made Rachel more determined to comply.
Josh led the way out of the room. Rachel walked to the nurses’ station, where she gave them her beeper number and elicited a promise from Jamie to make sure Mom G. received some tea before her next chemo session, which she was scheduled for within the hour.
“Everything okay?” Josh asked as they boarded the elevator.
“Yes.” She followed him to the cafeteria.
Josh held open the door for her to pass through. The rattle of dishes and the rumble of voices greeted them. In one corner, a young mother spoon-fed a fussy toddler, while doctors and nurses, their white coats or green scrubs distinguishable, relaxed at several tables.
With metal trays in hand, Rachel and Josh went through the food line.
Even though it was only midmorning, Rachel chose a salad. She didn’t want the heaviness of breakfast fare. Josh picked a hamburger and fries. “That food’s going to sit in your stomach like a rock,” she commented.
He grinned. “I’m a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy.”
“Apparently.”
At the cashier, Josh insisted on paying. Though she was used to taking care of herself, Rachel didn’t argue. She needed to think about something else. Anything. She searched her mind for a topic of conversation, but unfortunately with Josh, all they had was the past.
“Whatever happened to your ‘65 Chevy?” she asked as they took their seats at a table near the floor-to-ceiling window. The warm sun fell on her back and she shrugged out of her jacket.
“I still have her.” Josh sat opposite her.
“She runs? You were always tinkering with the engine, replacing one thing or another.”
The corner of Josh’s mouth twitched. “Sort of.”
“Do you ever drive her out to the lake?” Now why’d she go and ask that? Cherry Lake had been a special place for them. A place to go when the world was too hectic and intrusive. It occurred to her that there at the lake, alone with Josh, she’d never experienced that trapped, restless sensation. She mentally shrugged the notion off, attributing the lack of restlessness to being a teenager in love.
Any semblance of a smile vanished from his face. “No,” came the terse answer.
Silence, dense and thick, filled the air between them.
Pushing her Cobb salad around with her fork, she searched for a neutral topic. “Does your dad still work for the forestry service?”
“He’s semiretired.” He picked up his hamburger and took a bite.
“That’s nice for him.”
“Uh-huh.”
Frustrated that he wasn’t being cooperative with small talk, she watched him drown his French fries in ketchup. The red gooey mess didn’t look healthy.
She ate slowly, her body recognizing the need for sustenance, but her mind rebelled, urging her back to Mom G. After a long moment of silence she tried again. “And you, Josh? What do you do?”
“I’m a ranger.”
“You are?” Surprise echoed in her voice.
He glanced at her sharply. “I wouldn’t lie.”
“I didn’t mean to suggest you would.” She softened her voice. “You used to talk about going into the forestry service. I didn’t think…” She trailed off, not wanting to offend him.
“You didn’t think I would.” He sounded amused.
“No, truth be told, I figured when you married Andrea you’d settle into a nine-to-five job and have a picture-perfect life.” She’d imagined him living the fantasy. The fantasy they’d dreamed together those days long ago. An old Victorian house, the dog, the picket fence. Those were the things they’d wanted.
Only, as a doctor she didn’t fit into his cookie-cutter world and she couldn’t do what needed to be done from this hospital. The place where her mother had died.
Rachel noticed the ticking muscle along Josh’s strong jaw. “I’m sorry. If you’d rather not talk about Andrea, I understand.”
“Do you?”
The intensity in his voice made her wince. He was still grieving for his wife but she didn’t know what to say or do to help him. The usual words of condolence she’d deliver to a family member of a patient didn’t seem appropriate here. This was Josh.
“Dr. Maguire, Josh.” Dr. Kessler approached the table.
“Doctor,” Josh said.
Rachel rose, gripping the edge of the table, panic pounding in her veins. “Mom G.?”
Dr. Kessler held up a reassuring hand. “I’m on my way to see her. Just stopped in to grab a coffee.”
She released her white-knuckled grip and sat down again. Josh reached across and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Comforted by his gesture, she gave him a grateful smile before slipping her hand away. His touch was too warm, too welcome. She couldn’t allow herself the luxury of wanting his touch because wanting