Fat chance. She wasn’t going anywhere near that E.R. Too many of her nightmares involved that place. Careful to keep her thoughts from showing, she smiled. “If I have time.”
Behind his wire-rimmed glasses, Dr. Kessler’s eyes showed disappointment. “I’ll check on Olivia now.”
Rachel watched the doctor leave. “What do you think of him?”
“He’s a good doctor.”
Josh’s tone rang with certainty and she accepted his pronouncement.
She finished the last of her salad, then picked up her tray and stood. “I’m going back upstairs now.”
Josh rose, taking her tray from her. “I’ve got it.” He took their trays and deposited them in the dirty dish bin before coming back to stand beside her. “We could go down to the emergency room. We haven’t been gone very long.”
Slipping her jacket back over her silk, short-sleeve top, Rachel shook her head. “I’m not here to work.”
He arched a brow. “Too small-town for you?”
“No. I wouldn’t be able to stay focused.”
“Right. Focused.”
The beeper attached to Rachel’s waistband sent a shrill alarm ringing through the cafeteria. Her heart slammed against her chest. Mom G. Rachel couldn’t make her feet move; panic gripped her, clogging her throat. Josh moved to her side, his big, warm hand cradling her elbow. “Josh, Mom G….”
“Let’s go.” The urgency in his tone clutched at her throat. She gratefully leaned on him as he propelled her out of the cafeteria and through the hospital.
Rachel and Josh stepped off the elevator and onto the fifth floor and sprinted down the corridor to Mom G.’s room. They skidded to a halt as a nurse emerged out the door.
“Is she…?” Rachel couldn’t say the words.
The nurse smiled at her kindly. “She’s waiting for you.”
“Oh, thank you, God,” Rachel breathed out. She swept past the nurse and into the room, aware that Josh followed closely behind.
Dr. Kessler stood at the foot of the bed, writing on the chart. He turned as Rachel approached. There was relief in his sympathetic eyes. “Her vitals are erratic. She’s slipping away fast. It’ll be only a matter of hours.”
A heaviness settled on Rachel as she moved to the side of the bed and took Mom G.’s hand.
Mom G. stirred and opened her eyes. Her gaze focused on Rachel. “I love you.”
Rachel swallowed the huge, burning lump in her throat and tried to smile, but could only manage a slight lifting of the corners of her mouth. Agony and grief gnarled in her heart. “I love you.”
“You’re my daughter. And I thank God every day that He brought you into my life.” Her voice was weak, strained with the effort to talk.
Rachel let the tears slipping down her cheeks fall into her lap. She couldn’t fight the pain of losing the only person who really cared about her.
“Rachel, happiness lies beyond what you think’s possible. It’s there waiting for you. You only have to have faith.”
“I don’t want you to leave me,” Rachel whispered, shuddering with the intensity of her grief.
Mom G.’s grip tightened ever so slightly. “It’s time for me to go be with my Savior. I’ve had a good life.” She shifted her gaze away from Rachel. “Josh, you’ll keep your promise?”
Josh’s deep voice filled the room. “Yes, I promise.”
Mom G. nodded and then seemed to shrink within herself.
Rachel pressed Mom G.’s hand to her cheek. Wanting to hang on, to somehow, with the force of her love, keep her from slipping away.
“I’ll wait for you in heaven.” Mom G. breathed the words with a smile and then her eyes closed.
Rachel refused to budge from Mom G.’s side. The hospital staff went about their business and Josh pulled up a chair beside her. Even though he didn’t touch her, she felt his presence like a soft covering. Two hours ticked by in agonizing slowness as Mom. G’s breathing slowed to small hiccups of air.
Mom G.’s heartbeat fell, then stopped. Machines sounded a strident warning. Rachel instinctively reacted by rising, ready to begin resuscitation. She looked wildly at the others filing into the room. Everyone stood quietly by as Mom G.’s life ebbed away. “Why aren’t you doing something?” she sobbed. “Let’s bring her back!”
Dr. Kessler stepped forward and lay a gentle but firm hand on her arm. “She has a standing DNR. She was in great pain. She wanted to go.”
Rachel looked down at her mother. Peaceful was the only word she could use to describe her. She was at peace with God.
Slowly Rachel sat back in the chair. A cold numbness seeped into her heart, spreading throughout her body. The two most important people in the world—her mother and Mom G.—had left her behind.
The weight of Josh’s hand on her shoulder brought a fraction of solace to her restless thoughts. But that was an illusion, she reminded herself. A momentary respite from the grief welling up inside.
As soon as possible, she would return to her life and Josh would stay here.
Now she was truly alone on this earth.
Rachel sat near the window and surveyed the crowded church reception room. Among the various flower arrangements and tables filled with food, there were so many people. So many lives touched by Mom G. Some of the faces she recognized, others were new to her. Everyone had expressed his or her grief over Mom G.’s passing and then wandered off to talk among themselves.
Her gaze dropped to the taupe carpet and the polite smile she’d worn all day faltered. She was out of place among these people. Without Mom G. she didn’t belong.
A slight film of dust covered her black pumps. Though she’d numbly stood by the grave with eyes blurry from tears, the graveside service had been beautiful. Pastor Larkin had delivered a lovely eulogy and Josh had spoken, giving a sentimental testament to Mom G.’s memory.
He’d grown so close to Mom G. while Rachel had been so far away. She was glad the funeral was over. After the reception, she would meet with the lawyer, Mr. Finley, to discuss Mom G.’s estate and then she wouldn’t have any reason to stay. She’d be free to return to the life she’d carved out for herself, the life God wanted for her. Strangely there was no peace in that thought.
Constrained laughter caught her attention and she looked up. Across the room Josh held a captivated audience as he talked.
She sighed. He looked handsome in his dark navy suit and tie, looking more like he belonged in a boardroom than out fighting fires. He stood tall and carried himself with a confidence that she envied. He was a part of these people. He belonged here. She didn’t.
A young boy moved to stand beside Josh. Shock momentarily wiped away the numb ambivalence that had taken ahold of her the moment Mom G. died. Rachel’s heart pounded as she looked from the boy to Josh and back to the boy.
Even as Josh put his arm around the child and hugged him, Rachel realized that this boy with his light-colored hair and expressive eyes could only be Josh’s son. The “they” Mom G. had been talking about.
The child could have been her son.
She blinked and turned to stare out the window at the little town of Sonora. The quaint, turn-of-the-century homes, the cute little café that hadn’t been there when she’d lived in the town and the gas station where Josh had worked during high school turned blurry through fresh tears.
Josh had a son. Why hadn’t Josh mentioned him?
Why