eyes widened in surprise. ‘Really? Why?’
‘He’s seeing someone else.’
A box flashed up on the screen and I typed in my password.
‘But that’s awful, Elena. Why have you come into work? Shouldn’t you take some time to get yourself sorted?’
I shrugged. ‘I needed something to do. Something normal to focus on. I’ve had a very strange twenty-four hours.’ I told her about getting stuck in the lift, omitting the fact that I’d had a crush on Daniel in my youth.
‘Oh my goodness! Elena, I really think you should go home.’
I sat and blinked at my computer screen. ‘I suppose I don’t really have a home now.’
‘But shouldn’t you be packing? Trying to find somewhere? Where will you go?’
‘Probably to my parents’ house.’
‘Do you want to ring them? I still can’t believe you’ve come into work.’ She was shaking her head at me, dangly earrings jiggling.
I shrugged miserably. ‘We hadn’t been getting on very well for a while,’ I said. ‘I was thinking of finishing with him anyway.’
‘But this must have come as a shock.’
I nodded, mutely. ‘I’d rather be doing something normal right now though,’ I told her. ‘I’ll go home at lunchtime, if that’s all right?’
‘Go home as soon as you need, darling. There’s no point in you struggling on. Take some time to heal.’
I smiled at her gratefully. She was such a lovely lady.
I worked until lunchtime, ignoring my mobile phone, which kept pinging with messages in my bag. I forced myself to concentrate on work only, pushing all thoughts of Alex to the back of my mind. When lunchtime arrived, I said goodbye and went downstairs to my car, ready to drive home. A deep feeling of disquiet had settled in my gut, and my hands were shaking so much I could hardly fit my key in the ignition. It didn’t feel real. None of it felt real.
Once again, the flat was empty when I let myself in. I filled my suitcase, a holdall and two plastic binbags full of clothes and shoes. I didn’t know what to do with all my books. And my cello. It was shocking to think of how much stuff I’d accumulated in the two years I’d been living here. Sitting down on the sofa, I looked at my mobile for the first time that day to see I had a text from Daniel.
Hey, hope you got home okay last night and have recovered from our ordeal? Dan
Without allowing myself to think too deeply about it, I sent a quick text back: Hi, yes, all fine. Thanks for everything, Elena x
Oh shit! Had I just put a kiss at the end of the text? It was just a habit; I always signed off texts that way. I put my phone down before I could stress, but another text came through almost immediately.
Good. Maybe we should set a date for next year to mark our one-year anniversary of getting stuck together? Same time, same place :)
I stared at it for a moment. It was quite surreal to be getting texts from Daniel when I was packing up the remnants of my life with Alex.
I wrote back: You’re on! See you next year.
I had more messages from Rachel, but instead of texting her, I dialled her number and waited for her to answer.
‘Elena? I tried to phone you at work. Are you all right?’
‘I’m not there at the moment. I’m back at the flat. Packing up my stuff.’
‘Packing? Why?’
I picked up a book and looked at its spine. ‘Alex is seeing someone else. He told me this morning.’
‘What? Oh no! Elena, that’s crazy! Do you need help? I can come now. We’re not busy and Bobbi can hold the fort.’
I was about to say no when I realised that, actually, I really did need some help. She arrived a quarter of an hour later, just as I was lugging my suitcase to my car. She skidded to a halt and came running over to me, enveloping me in a hug.
‘Are you all right? Oh, honey! This is awful.’
I shrugged. I still felt unnaturally hollow and sore inside and everything had taken on a surreal quality. The sky, the trees, the birds; everything felt too vivid, like I was in some high-definition film, acting out somebody else’s life. Even if I hadn’t been completely happy with Alex over the past few months, there was comfort in the boredom and I’d felt secure in my daily routine. This was like having my whole life torn up and thrown into the air; where and how the pieces would settle was anybody’s guess. I had to be brave though. ‘I knew there was something wrong, didn’t I? I said yesterday that it wasn’t right.’
‘I know, but this…’ Rachel indicated my suitcase with a look of dismay.
‘I have to admit, I didn’t expect this to happen. Or for him to have found another woman. And, you know, the thing is, he just blurted it out. He could have said he was at a friend’s house or anything and I’d have believed him.’ Fishing my key from my pocket, I clicked the button and the car flashed to say it was open. The case rumbled behind me as I dragged it over. ‘It’s for the best though. It wasn’t right and I could have wasted more time just thinking about leaving and being too scared to walk away. He’s made it easy for me to leave. I know that sounds cowardly.’ I shrugged and heaved my case into the boot of the car. It filled it. ‘I tell you what though; I never realised I had so much stuff. Or that my car was so small.’
‘Well, I’m here now.’ We looked at Rachel’s smart car and laughed. ‘Are we going to shred his suits?’ she asked as we made our way back up to the flat. ‘Or cut holes in his pants?’
‘No, nothing like that. I’m just going to leave.’
‘Really? You’re going to let him get away with this without a fight?’
‘What would I be fighting for? There’s no point making out like I’m heartbroken when I knew it wasn’t working. I was talking about ending it yesterday, wasn’t I? He’s been so grumpy and uncommunicative lately. Plus we barely see each other. We’re either at work or out, separately.’ I made my way slowly up the first flight of stairs.
‘Yes, but he’s seeing someone else. How long has he been seeing her? She’ll be the reason he’s been so grumpy and uncommunicative lately. That makes him a rat.’
I shrugged, sadly. ‘Maybe he went off with her because things weren’t right with me. I mean, we were never the most passionate couple. Even when we first got together, he was never particularly affectionate or even that interested in having sex.’
‘Really?’ Rachel screwed up her face in disbelief as I unlocked the door to the flat. ‘What do you mean, not interested in sex?’
‘Well, we did it, obviously,’ I said, looking at the pile of stuff I still had to take down to the cars. Just the sight of them exhausted me. ‘But not as much as some people when they first get together. He was always tired from work.’
‘Work? He only works in a bank, Elena. It’s hardly physically demanding.’
‘I know. I just thought he had a low sex drive, that’s all.’ I bent to pick up a bin bag.
‘And did it not occur to you to mind?’
‘Not really. I just liked being with him. Maybe I always liked him more than he liked me.’
Rachel grunted and picked up a box of books. ‘He must have liked you to let you move in with him. How did that happen, by the way? I can’t remember it even being a big thing?’
‘No, it wasn’t. It happened gradually. I spent so much time here, and left so much of my stuff here, that eventually I just started living here.’ I carried my bag to the door