kiss had been so special. It had eclipsed everything; the painful longing and the crushing sadness afterwards.
Maybe Rachel was right. I really didn’t need to reawaken my crush on Daniel. I’d been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Or rather, a box full of bad poetry and weird souvenirs.
I closed my eyes and tried to think of something else, but I ended up thinking not of teenage Daniel, but of grown-up Daniel. He’d been nice. Really nice, in fact. And then, out of nowhere, a memory surfaced of his hand on my bum, pushing me up through the gap while the firemen pulled me out. I sat up, sloshing water. Oh, how mortifying. Let’s not go there.
***
Rachel was already in bed when I got out of the bath. I climbed in beside her, settling down against her smooth black and pink sheets. Her walls were covered in big flowery wallpaper, of the kind that would have made Alex run for the hills.
‘I love your house,’ I said. ‘It’s all so girly. Our flat’s so miserable and grey compared to your house.’
‘Hmm. Well, you could either redecorate, or leave the boring bastard to his own miserable décor.’
I giggled. ‘Rachel!’
‘Well, you already said it’s not going well.’
Thinking about Alex made me feel miserable. I changed the subject.
‘So, I know you’ve got Patrick’s daughter this weekend, and you’re going away next weekend, but when am I going to meet him?’
‘I don’t know. He’s always working away so it’s a bit difficult to arrange something. Besides, we’re at the stage where I just want to keep him to myself when I do see him.’
‘Oh yeah? Saucy wench.’
‘Well, he is very sexy.’ She pulled the covers up to her chin and sighed. ‘You should see him in his work suit. He’s gorgeous. Anyway, have you set your alarm for morning? I take it you’ll be going home to get ready for work?’
‘Yeah.’ I took out my phone and set my alarm. ‘Thanks for letting me stay.’
She smiled sleepily. ‘You’re welcome. I like having you stay; it reminds me of when we were younger and you used to sleep over. You’d talk about Daniel bloody Moore all night.’
***
I’d expected to find it difficult to sleep or at least have nightmares about being stuck in the lift. But I slept soundly and deeply without dreaming at all. I drove to my flat as the sun came up. It was a beautiful morning; blue sky and birds singing in blossom-laden trees. Everything felt new and fresh. I let myself into the flat quietly, not wanting to disturb Alex so early in the morning.
All of the window blinds were open and the flat was flooded with early morning sunshine. It felt unusually bright and empty. My footsteps sounded too loud on the laminate floor, and I slipped off my shoes before crossing the room to switch on the kettle. It was then that I noticed the bedroom door was open, the duvet undisturbed. Alex had obviously not been home last night.
That was strange. Where was he? Perhaps he’d had too much to drink and stayed at a friend’s house? I’d told him to leave his car, after all. But on a week night? He never usually drank that much when he had work the next day. Not so much he couldn’t even get a taxi home.
I checked my phone for messages but there were none from Alex. Quickly, I sent him a text asking if he was all right, then went to shower. I heard the front door open just as I was finishing.
‘Is that you, Alex?’
I heard the footsteps pause and the clatter of keys landing on the kitchen table. Switching off the shower, I wrapped a towel around my head and put on my bathrobe.
‘Hello! Are you all right?’ Opening the door, I padded out into the lounge. Alex was standing with his back to me, looking out of the window at the road below.
‘Well,’ he said, turning slowly to face me. ‘It looks like I’ve been found out then, doesn’t it?’
‘I’m sorry?’ I blinked at him, rubbing a droplet of water from my cheek.
‘You’ve caught me out.’ He looked tired and dishevelled: blue rings beneath his grey eyes and his usually perfect hair sticking up in peaks. ‘I thought I’d be home before you, but now you know and I can’t hide it. I’m sorry. I’ve been with someone else.’
Frowning, I removed the towel from my head in case I’d misheard. ‘Pardon?’
‘I’ve been with someone else. I’m seeing someone else.’
‘Who? Another girl?’
‘Yes, another girl!’ he said, impatiently, like I was the stupidest woman in the world. Which, at that moment, I probably was. ‘Not just a girl. A woman. A beautiful, sophisticated, amazing woman.’
I flinched as though he’d physically slapped me. Taking a step back, I stared at him, incredulous. What? What had he said? Had I heard him correctly? I couldn’t believe it. Alex was an attractive man and took a real pride in his appearance, but he never flirted with other women. He barely even looked at them. I’d never had reason to distrust him, and yet here he was, telling me he’d fallen in love with someone else. My chest felt hollow and I sucked in a couple of deep breaths, trying to fill it, trying to chase the feeling away. Why was I feeling like this when I had been thinking about ending it myself? Why did I feel so shocked?
Alex stood and watched me, gnawing at his bottom lip. He’d never been good at dealing with emotions and was obviously finding this an uncomfortable experience.
‘Where did you meet?’ I said at last. My voice sounded strangulated and I sucked in another deep breath. My legs were shaking and my skin prickled from the cold chills that sliced through my body.
‘At work.’
I blinked at him. ‘Who is she?’
He shook his head. ‘You don’t know her.’ He turned away from me and stared out of the window instead. A pigeon had perched on the handrail of our balcony, its grey feathers ruffling in the morning breeze. It looked so normal and benign.
‘How long has it been going on?’
‘We’ve been… talking for a few months. Nothing physical. Well, not until last night anyway. I swear.’
My stomach turned over. Months? So that’s why he’d been emotionally absent for a while. I cast around for something to say, but could think of nothing. My mind was blank. So, this was it then: the end. I waited for the anger and the tears, but I just felt numb.
‘Are you okay?’ he said, still staring out of the window. When I didn’t answer, he looked over his shoulder at me and frowned. ‘Elena? Say something, please.’
He took a step towards me, but I spun away from him, and headed towards the bedroom.
‘I’ll move out.’
I went to work. I wasn’t sure why I felt the need to go to work, but I just felt like the world had to keep turning and that was the most normal thing to do. Of course, once I was at work, I realised I should be at home, packing up my stuff. There was no way I wanted to be doing it when Alex was there that evening. Although, to be fair, he would probably be with his new woman. Arriving at my desk, I greeted Hilary, my boss, in an overly cheerful and slightly manic way and sat down, feeling breathless. It felt like I had a belt around my chest, restricting my breathing.
‘Are you all right, Elena?’ She stood up and frowned at me over the partition wall. Her hair was a bushy mass of bright yellow frizz and her tiny face nestled in the middle. She wore so much mascara that her eyelashes looked like spider’s legs. ‘You look a bit… peaky.’
‘Oh, ermm…’ Taking a