Arthur Sullivan

The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan


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etc.

       CAPT. (trying to repress his anger).

       In uttering a reprobation

       To any British tar,

       I try to speak with moderation,

       But you have gone too far.

       I'm very sorry to disparage

       A humble foremast lad,

       But to seek your captain's child in marriage,

       Why damme, it's too bad

       [During this, COUSIN HEBE and FEMALE RELATIVES have entered.

       ALL (shocked). Oh!

       CAPT. Yes, damme, it's too bad!

       ALL. Oh!

       CAPT. and DICK DEADEYE. Yes, damme, it s too bad.

       [During this, SIR JOSEPH has appeared on poop-deck. He is

       horrified

       at the bad language.

       HEBE. Did you hear him? Did you hear him?

       Oh, the monster overbearing!

       Don't go near him—don't go near him—

       He is swearing—he is swearing!

       SIR JOSEPH. My pain and my distress,

       I find it is not easy to express;

       My amazement—my surprise—

       You may learn from the expression of my eyes!

       CAPT. My lord—one word—the facts are not before

       you

       The word was injudicious, I allow—

       But hear my explanation, I implore you,

       And you will be indignant too, I vow!

       SIR JOSEPH. I will hear of no defence,

       Attempt none if you're sensible.

       That word of evil sense

       Is wholly indefensible.

       Go, ribald, get you hence

       To your cabin with celerity.

       This is the consequence

       Of ill-advised asperity

       [Exit CAPTAIN, disgraced, followed by

       JOSEPHINE

       ALL. This is the consequence,

       Of ill-advised asperity!

       SIR JOSEPH. For I'll teach you all, ere long,

       To refrain from language strong

       For I haven't any sympathy for ill-bred

       taunts!

       HEBE. No more have his sisters, nor his cousins,

       nor his

       aunts.

       ALL. For he is an Englishman, etc.

       SIR JOSEPH. Now, tell me, my fine fellow—for you are a fine

       fellow—

       RALPH. Yes, your honour.

       SIR JOSEPH. How came your captain so far to forget himself? I

       am quite

       sure you had given him no cause for annoyance.

       RALPH, Please your honour, it was thus-wise. You see I'm only a

       topman-

       -a mere foremast hand—

       SIR JOSEPH. Don't be ashamed of that. Your position as a topman

       is a

       very exalted one.

       RALPH. Well, your honour, love burns as brightly in the

       fo'c'sle as it

       does on the quarter-deck, and Josephine is the fairest bud that

       ever

       blossomed upon the tree of a poor fellow's wildest hopes.

       Enter JOSEPHINE; she rushes to RALPH'S arms

       JOS. Darling! (SIR JOSEPH horrified.)

       RALPH. She is the figurehead of my ship of life—the bright

       beacon that

       guides me into my port of happiness—that the rarest, the purest

       gem that

       ever sparkled on a poor but worthy fellow's trusting brow!

       ALL. Very pretty, very pretty!

       SIR JOSEPH. Insolent sailor, you shall repent this outrage.

       Seize him!

       (Two Marines seize him and handcuff him.)

       JOS. Oh, Sir Joseph, spare him, for I love him tenderly.

       SIR JOSEPH. Pray, don't. I will teach this presumptuous mariner

       to

       discipline his affections. Have you such a thing as a dungeon on

       board?

       ALL. We have!

       DICK. They have!

       SIR JOSEPH. Then load him with chains and take him there at

       once!

       OCTETTE

       RALPH. Farewell, my own,

       Light of my life, farewell!

       For crime unknown

       I go to a dungeon cell.

       JOS. I will atone.

       In the meantime farewell!

       And all alone

       Rejoice in your dungeon cell!

       SIR JOSEPH. A bone, a bone

       I'll pick with this sailor fell;

       Let him be shown at once

       At once to his dungeon cell.

       BOATSWAIN, DICK DEADEYE, and COUSIN HEBE

       He'll hear no tone

       Of the maiden he loves so well!

       No telephone

       Communicates with his cell!

       BUT. (mysteriously). But when is known

       The secret I have to tell,

       Wide will be thrown

       The door of his dungeon cell.

       ALL. For crime unknown

       He goes to a dungeon cell!

       [RALPH is led off in

       custody.

       SIR JOSEPH. My pain and my distress

       Again it is not easy to express.

       My amazement, my surprise,

       Again you may discover from my eyes.

       ALL. How terrible the aspect of his eyes!

       BUT. Hold! Ere upon your loss

       You lay much stress,

       A long-concealed crime

       I would confess.

       SONG—BUTTERCUP

       A many years ago,

       When I was young and charming,

       As some of you may know,

       I practised baby-farming.

       ALL. Now this is most alarming!

       When she was young and charming,

       She practised baby-farming,

       A many years ago.

       BUT. Two tender babes I nursed:

       One was of low condition,

       The other, upper crust,