by Thomas Nelson, Inc. (2007). This book is a helpful resource regarding how and when to discuss sexuality, and it helps parents clarify their own thoughts and learn how to guide their children in developing the confidence, integrity, and honesty necessary for understanding sexuality.
Some pointers:
Support from others. Parents may want to get support from others when thinking about approaching sexuality with their child. Other parents of children with disabilities are often supportive. Asking the child’s school teacher to become involved is helpful for many parents. The teacher and parents can share information on how the child best learns and ways of teaching that are successful. Making a plan together and reinforcing information between the two settings is very helpful. We encourage parents to advocate for the integration of goals in their child’s individualized educational plan (IEP) regarding learning sexuality information, as well as social skills and assertiveness training.
Individualize for each child. Consider the child’s chronologic age and figure out what information would be appropriate for any child of that age. Remember, the basics of sexuality begin at an early age (e.g., body parts and private and public concepts) and lay the groundwork for teaching throughout childhood and into adolescence. Materials and teaching methods must be individualized for the child’s learning needs and abilities. Recognize that incongruities between the child’s chronologic age, social maturity, and physical development may exist; this means that a youth who is 12 years old and going through puberty but whose cognitive abilities are more like those of a first grader will need the important information about body changes in puberty given in a manner that he or she will understand.
Consider:
What information and skills in the areas of sexual awareness, social skills, relationships, and assertiveness does the child already have?
What is the child’s chronologic age? Social maturity? Cognitive ability?
What is the child’s learning style?
What specific augmentative technologies (e.g., an iPad or voice output device) does the child use to communicate and learn?
What additional information and skills do you think the child needs to acquire?
Are there any specific concerns relating to sexuality that need to be addressed? Think about this in a comprehensive way; these are just a few concerns.
For example:
Does the child often get teased or bullied?
Has the child been prompted or exploited to do sexually inappropriate things?
Does the child tend to masturbate in inappropriate places (e.g., in front of people at home or at school)?
Has the child been sexually assaulted? Note that for this situation, specific counseling from a mental health counselor may be necessary in addition to teaching about sexuality.
Guidelines for Parents and Support Providers
Parents are generally considered the primary sexuality educators for their children. From the beginning, a child’s sexuality is influenced by early family experiences, and guidance is received from caregivers. A family environment that supports the sexuality of the child in positive ways—such as through appropriate touching while bathing, dressing, and playing—leads to pleasure and pride in the child’s body and an established sense of well-being. Positive early experiences provide the adolescent with a good basis for responding to changes during puberty.
In contrast, healthy sexual development may be impeded by discomfort with the subject of sex, negative comments about the child’s body, uncertainty in the presentation of information, and fear regarding the adolescent’s expression and control of sexual behavior. Children learn what they live. If they experience love and affection from caregivers who share it, then the sexuality they learn will be in the context of that love and affection. The experience of sexuality educators has shown that, when all is said and done, in general, the family still has the most powerful influence on the child.
Parents may not feel comfortable or knowledgeable in educating or responding to the child with respect to sexuality. Professionals, along with parents, may need to become more sensitive and participate in educational experiences that will increase comfort and knowledge about sexuality. Together, health professionals, educators, and parents can help youth build social competence and provide appropriate sexuality education that is respectful of family values.
When preparing to address sexuality with youth, these are things to do:
Guidelines for Training
Group or Individual Learning
Most of the material in this book was developed from our work with groups, but we find that many of the activities and ideas are suited or easily adapted for individual training, as well. Individual training may be preferred for any youth who doesn’t learn well in a group or doesn’t want a group experience or when there are insufficient resources to support a group. For most youths, though, the advantages of participating in a group are great. The group provides opportunities for practicing social skills, peer modeling, and peer coaching, as well as meeting new people and making new friends.
Values Clarification
When teaching about human sexuality, it is important to discuss various family values or attitudes related to specific topics (e.g., masturbation, birth control, homosexuality, and abortion). It is important to give parents an opportunity to review instructional content and suggest at-home activities or discussions to teach their family’s values. With youth, acknowledge the range of opinions and beliefs that exist, encouraging them to learn how their parents feel about such issues.
Inclusion of Sexuality Education Content in IEP
We encourage families to work with the school IEP team to incorporate appropriate goals and activities for promoting positive sexuality and preventing abuse in the school setting.
Working with a Group
Selecting Participants
Who?