What was said to the rose that made it open Was said to me here in my chest.
Rumi
Is your heart aching from a love you lost—recently or long ago? Do you wish you could stop sabotaging yourself when it comes to love? Do you sometimes think: “This is as good as it gets?” Do you avoid opportunities to give or receive love? Do you ever wish for more love in your life—of all kinds?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone. The good news is that you are about to discover the Superhero of Love that has always been inside you, one who can help you to give and receive love with abandon.
That Superhero has been awaiting you with wild anticipation. She knows you better than anyone, has your highest good at heart, and is yearning to help you heal and be your most powerful, loving self. There is nothing conditional about her love. It is divine love. And it is inside you right now.
I first learned of loss, and of the importance of healing from it, when I lost my father—first through divorce and then through death. Later, I discovered my own Superhero of Love while recovering from a painful romantic breakup that left me feeling like a burned up pile of ash. This book is intended as a resource, not only for those whose hearts have been broken by the loss of a romantic partner, but also for those who have suffered life-altering loss in other ways.
By the grace of God, a divine breeze blew into my own heart and stirred the ashes left behind by my loss. It cleared my heart and eyes just long enough to reveal a magnificent vision of the Superhero of Love inside me. She looked at me with gentle, knowing eyes; her gaze went straight to my heart and saw the pain I was feeling. Just as she could see inside my heart, I could see inside hers—powerful yet vulnerable, courageous, open, soft, and eager to give and receive love.
I took a good look at her. She was the vision of who I wanted to be. And I knew at that moment that I could be her. I didn't know exactly what I was recognizing in her, but I was inspired to begin my healing journey.
On my path, I discovered, one by one, the gifts of every Superhero of Love:
The Mighty Flame burns inside her heart, the very source of her power. It lights her up and lights up the world around her. It guides her through life and reminds her of her connection to her own divinity, the purest essence from which her love is born.
The five superpowers—sight, hearing, humility, self-love, and alignment—fuel her Mighty Flame and help her to love and be loved with abandon.
She is Love Strong. She leads with her heart. Her love is her strength and it reaches out and touches others. She makes a difference in the world.
In these pages, you will embark on a journey to heal your loving heart. It's a process. You won't go from a weakling who can barely lift her own heart to flying high overnight. There isn't a magic pill or an instant cure to facilitate the change. My intention is simply that you will actually like the process of this discovery. You will read about the steps I took on my own healing journey and try them for yourself, incorporating what works into your life. My one request is that you give everything a try, even if just once. Try to keep an open mind and heart. Sometimes the best solutions come from a place you least expect, and the things we pull away from are often the very things we need to explore.
First we will awaken the Superhero of Love inside you, so that together you can discover where you have both been all your life! We will look at two elements of fire that we all deal with when facing heartache: crazy firestorms and the Mighty Flame. You will see how learning to quell the storms and fan the flame will make you Love Strong. Then we'll take a good look at two things that threaten to thwart you, both of which will end up being enormous sources of power: saboteurs and kryptonite.
You will set up your own superhero training camp with teachers and coaches, then you will assemble a support system—your Love League—made up of those who will walk alongside you on this journey. And you will work with the five superpowers of sight, hearing, humility, self-love, and alignment to bring that heart of yours into the world for boundless giving and receiving. You'll gain wisdom and learn strength-building practices that you can return to at any time.
Along the way, you will start to get some respite and, eventually, permanent relief from the pain you may be experiencing. There will be check-ins for this exact purpose, because sometimes we can't see our own transformation. This kind of reflection is both encouraging and motivating. It may even inspire you to dig a little deeper.
I give you many suggestions throughout the book that can help you on this path—like this one for entering into the world of your Superhero of Love ancestors:
Imagine you are standing amid rolling green hills; a majestic mountain range graces the distant skies, which are punctuated with fluffy clouds. Take in the beauty and grandeur of this vista. You wonder how it is that you are so blessed to be in such a wondrous place.
An ancient, holy temple rests atop one of the grassy hills, its elegant frame and pillars carved entirely of white marble. It is luminous in the sun's light, warm and inviting. The temple is encircled by rows of smooth marble benches. You choose one and sit down; the seat is so soft it cradles you. Birds chirp softly. The sun shines on your face.
You are the only person here, yet you are not alone. You feel the comforting presence of the crowds of superheroes who have come to this place before you to gain wisdom. Centuries of holy work, divine teachings, and trainings have transpired here. You immediately feel yourself a part of this history, as if you have sat on these marble benches thousands of times.
This is the Temple of the Mighty Heart. You climb the stairs and notice the words Ex Amor Fortitudo etched into the arch above your head. It means “Strength through Love.” At the very center of the temple, a pedestal holds a marble sculpture of an open heart that has been gently worn by the hands of a multitude of seekers paying homage. At its center, a magnificent golden torch burns with an eternal flame. The Mighty Flame burning inside you responds in recognition. You place your hand on the heart and hear a gentle voice:
Welcome to this holy mission. You have taken the first step. You are here. Now. We know about that heart of yours. First, we need you to know that we see the Superhero of Love inside you. We know your capacity for love and pain. We know your capacity to heal. We'll help you mend that heart of yours; we'll help you learn to fly. We see you. We know your greatness. We are with you, helping you hold your mighty heart.
My prayer is that you hear this call of the heart, that you never feel alone again, and that you are inspired to begin your healing journey. My hope is that you find others who are on this path with you who will encourage you to step into your greatness—whose resounding voices will echo through you, and who will help make your Mighty Flame grow. My wish is that, by the end of this book, you will come to realize that we are all superheroes who are born to fly.
Note to You, Superhero
Superheroes come in all shapes, sizes, and sexes. After all, heartaches have no gender or weight bias. So whatever your gender or sexual orientation, please translate anything you consider a “heterosexual chick” reference in this book into whatever works for you. I didn't attempt to accommodate everyone when I spoke about my ex-boyfriend by changing every “he” to “he/she/they,” or by changing the word “men” to “men/women/they.” Instead, I invite you to translate for yourself if “straight woman” is not your native language.
Also make your own adjustments to my references to God, Spirit, or the Divine. This book is meant to be accessible and meaningful for everyone: atheist, agnostic, Muslim, Buddhist, Catholic, or whatever faith or creed you may carry in your heart. Here you will find references to many different schools of thought, and I don't want any of them to be a barrier that prevents you from getting all you can out of this book. Whatever you consider to be a guiding force in your life is perfect.
At one point in my life, the word “God” made me bristle. Now, I think of love as my access point to God. But please don't let my references to God cause you to retreat from the basic tenets