M.J. Fievre

Happy, Okay?


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      propel you

      out of your body.

      Paloma

      You’re already

      a ghost,

      a stranger

      in the making.

      What was it

      we wanted?

      What were we

      looking for?

      I ache

      for something

      to lead me

      to militance,

      to strength,

      to solace;

      maybe a manifesto

      whose words

      will tingle

      my bones

      & turn me

      into something

      greater

      than myself.

      I’m eager

      to create

      a new world,

      to unravel

      the knots

      that were tied

      long ago.

      José Armando

      If you stay,

      I’ll remind

      you every day

      that I love

      you. I’ll be gentle.

      I don’t know how

      yet, but I’ll make you feel

      it: that my closeness

      is hard & real,

      like a smooth stone

      you hold

      in your hands.

      Paloma

      I want to stride

      with purpose

      & direction

      towards something

      that fills my body

      with bones,

      something

      dense & heavy

      like molten gold.

      I want my body

      to hum inside itself.

      & for that

      I need to chart

      articles

      of a faith I can abide in,

      composed

      of soft sounds,

      like a river uncurling

      in a course it sets

      for itself.

      Your words are pretty,

      but they don’t ring

      from within

      me. They clang

      off-key,

      like a bell

      that’s been dropped

      on a hard surface

      too many times.

      I am ready,

      to remember how to laugh

      at the littlest things.

      Because

      when I can hope,

      excitement rises

      from the back of my neck,

      an exquisite

      pulse that activates

      the nerve endings

      in every millimeter

      of my flesh.

      I am human—mutable.

      Nothing

      in the world

      is otherwise.

      Shadow

      When you kiss

      him, your finger finds

      its way inside the curve

      of his ear. You’ve gotten

      to know

      the feel of his skin,

      his scent an outpour.

      Your hands roam

      the regions

      of his skin, but

      you’ve also climbed

      under his dermis, invaded

      his capillaries, you’ve ridden

      the waves of his veins,

      & settled

      the left & right

      ventricles of his heart.

      It won’t be a story

      with a good ending.

      Something

      in his chest

      will tear apart

      —something

      grown over,

      tangled,

      uncared for.

      There’s no ointment

      for heartache.

      No pill for lovelorn.

      Every time

      you leave him,

      silence swallows

      the apartment you shared

      & he’s suspended

      in the dark

      warmth of its throat.

      Paloma

      He doesn’t know me,

      doesn’t know

      what I’m capable of.

      I am a stranger

      to myself.

      The face

      that stares back

      from the morning mirror

      is a blank canvas

      of possibility.

      For too many years,

      I’ve allowed others

      to hold a paintbrush

      and splatter their

      images across

      its surface. It is time

      for me

      to dip my own

      brush into a palette.

      More depth

      and shallow,

      more dapple of light.

      More realism

      than impression.

      José Armando

      Oh, how little it takes

      to love her!

      The