(of myself). Read on and learn from my discoveries.
Every real man needs a woman, but what he doesn’t want you to know... can hurt you
Ladies, forget what you may have read or heard from your mom, your sisters, or your girlfriends. There is a surefire way to earn a man . If you sincerely want a man who is worthy of your special light and future promise, a man who can treasure you when you are dow n as well as he can when you are at the mountaintop, please come right in and pull up a chair. You can take control of how you go about finding him, wooing him and keeping him. You have the power to create an internal and external environment to ensure victory. You can earn a man, not by losing yourself, but by finding yourself.
I am heterosexual man, experienced in the fine arts of loving women, grooming women, and advising women. As a men’s barber, I also happen to regularly get an earful of the innermost feelings and thoughts of men who confide in me. Thus, I am in the extremely rare position of hearing both sides – the good, the bad and the boring – from men and from women. At this point, I believe that men who are blessed with the wherewithal to engage in romance – meaning they are not incarcerated, they have a job, are probably educated, and care enough about themselves to come to my shops for regular shape-ups – have a built-in advantage. They are outnumbered by the higher percentage of women who are seeking eligible men. This imbalance creates a certain degree of unfairness for women, and gives men an advantage in the delicate dance of courtship. This is why I am here to provide you with a unique, secret perspective. For those of you who are new at this, or who think they have been there, done that, and bought the T-shirt, or who think that the man’s job is to earn you while you sit back, Barry Fletcher is here to drop some valuable new information into your romantic toolkit. (And for the sisters who want to hang back, and “make a man prove himself,” well, you just haven’t had your heart broken enough times, yet.) My sincere wish is that you will hear me and listen to me before your heart gets shattered into bits and pieces.
The advice and experience I offer here are barometers to help you measure and, if needed, even out your temperament to efficiently find a partner who is your equal. This book will help you neutralize – not hide or bury – your emotions about men, and better assist you as you navigate your search. In the end, if you have read this with an open mind and heart, you will walk away with a clearer understanding and packed arsenal of best practices for finding and winning the man you deserve. Ladies, I know that men often get blamed when relationships go bad, and much of the time that blame is justified. But sometimes women must be willing to look hard at their own behavior, expectations and beliefs. It is not always fair or productive for ladies to automatically blame a man and fail to credit him for his positive aspects, while failing to address their own personal missteps. (All said with love, ladies, only love.)
Now for those of you asking what more is there to learn about men, let me put it to you this way: you will probably not be successful if your goal is to fix or change a man. But by all means, read on if you are interested in learning how to discover effective ways to own and leverage your power, and to use your natural properties to controller, or should I say, earn a man. I’m on your side. This book is written to help em power you. My goal here is to guide you on the path to the man you deserve: someone who is kind, strong, compassionate, tough in all the right ways – and totally, absolutely, one hundred thousand percent SPRUNG on you. My goal is to help you see that you are in control of how much time and access you give a man. Every real man needs a lady, even if he does not know it. Let the lessons begin!
Right now, you might be thinking, “Who is Barry Fletcher, and how is he qualified to give me lessons on how to learn and earn a man?” After thirty years of establishing customer relationships with ladies (through my hair salon) and with brothers (through my barbershop) I have accomplished my goals of becoming a Master Hair Designer and successful entrepreneur who competes in every major hair competition worldwide. My achievements include winning gold medals at major hair design competitions around the globe, a Rolls-Royce automobile and a spot on the U SA Hair Olympics team competing in London against teams from 35 countries. I am well traveled and have an established clientele that spans all races and economic levels the world over, from next-door neighbors and stay-at-home moms to career professionals, actresses, politicians, athletes and musicians, including a few names that may be familiar to you: Halle Berry, Sugar Ray Leonard, Prince, Bebe Winans, Iman, Toni Braxton, Senator Carol Mosely-Braun, Tina Turner, Mary J. Blige and Dr. Maya Angelou.
I am an image-maker, a trichologist and an expert in helping clients find the styles that work best for them; a businessman-inventor too, creator of Barry Fletcher Hair Care Products and an expert hair care consultant to Essence Magazine. Throughout my three decades of experience working with clients to improve their hair and personal image, I’ve developed the skills of a marriage counselor, psychologist, therapist, guidance counselor, good listener and social worker. Yes, ladies, I have heard it all.
I have authored two books: my best-selling Why A re Black Women Losing Their Hair? and Hair is Sexual. But more importantly, I have become a confidant to women who are dealing with their most popular public body part, the one that affects their psyche and confidence the most, the body part that announces them to the rest of the world: their hair. I have a perfect career: working around and for beautiful women. It is a beautiful thing. I love my work, and it shows. The confidence and knowledge I convey with each visit lets ladies know they can rely on me to help them achieve their style and beauty goals. How do we accomplish this? (I say “w e” because I am an expert, but not a dictator. I encourage my clients to stay involved, especially if I am totally remaking their look.) I begin by assessing a woman the moment she walks into my hair salon. I realize her beauty needs are immediate, and that I must be accurate.
I cannot write her a prescription, suggesting she “take two a day and get some rest” like some doctors have the luxury of doing. I have a totally different focus when checking out the ladies. Everything counts! Her fashion, her demeanor, how she uses her facial muscles and features, her posture and her mannerisms all provide important clues about the general state of her self-esteem. From there, we talk about her desired hair style, which gives me more important clues about her level of vanity and how she perceives her social status. Throughout this part of the process, I am making silent judgments about what I think needs to happen to improve her look, apart from what she says she wants, but I do not judge her.
You may have heard the old saying that hair stylists are the psychologists of the community. I have learned valuable skills that help with the way I relate to my clients. We all know that if we do not like the way we relate to one another, there can never be a friendship. And we also know that friendship is another, more developed form of relating. Good relations happen when we start doing things together or for each other. After the two of you confirm that there’s good reason to keep it up, it turns into a relationship. Yet before that ship sails, you want to make sure you have secured your interest and are strong about your beliefs and values. This is true for women starting new friendships with women and it is most certainly true for women on the verge of relations with a man. We men know that there are goodies on the ship. To us, the goodies are like donuts... glazed donuts, to be squeezed for freshness, licked for sweetness, chewed eagerly, for pure unadulterated pleasure. But here is a small secret about men and their donuts, in case you don’t know it already. The only thing better than a glazed donut is a newer, fresher glazed donut. Fiddle-diddle it has a hole in the middle. What I am saying here, with this hole-in-the-middle metaphor is that friends can cum and go, sex is in and out, up and down, but ladies must understand that only true blue relationships last. Before you ever get to that Big Donut of a marriage, you best believe you want your relationship to be on the smoothest seas possible.
So it is that I am confident in my ability to share with you quite a bit about relationships; moreover, to pull back the curtain and let you in on how a man truly thinks. We live in a new day, which requires new strategies to achieve a life filled with love. I subscribe to a theory that is quoted by Oprah Winfrey: “I believe that you are here to become more of yourself and live your best life.” Parents, please toss away all the old fairy tale