for answers should be focused closer to the source. If you have a trusted male friend, why not tap him for info on the romantic male interest in your life?
What’s amazing is the amount of time both sexes spend thinking about their relationship or potential companions. I would estimate that men and women spend at least ten percent of their time thinking about love, sex, romance and dating, investing probably much more than that if they’re not satisfied. Men spend quite a bit of this time deciphering gender-specific “Morse code,” trying to figure out if “she loves me; she loves me not.” Guys seem to shield their hearts more than women, probably because women get more opportunities to reject men and crush their egos; mostly because of the mixed signals you all send out.
I can remember times hanging out with the fellas at the go-go club. We’d spot a little hottie across the dance floor. My boys would say something like, “She’s over there dancing for you Fletch,” which only confirmed my suspicions about her interest in me. I see a young lady over there dancing in her seat, and my ego suggests that now is a good time to pull her, gotta show the boys how it’s done. We lock eyes for a moment, prompting me to move her way. She watches me walk all the way across the dance floor to ask her to dance… only to give a resounding, head-swiveling, “No, I don’t want to dance.” I freeze for a moment but then think... My boys are watching. So I try to talk to her for a minute, to play it off. I lean in to get closer to her ear, and she pulls back from me in disgust. I start thinking about that long trip back across the dance floor to face my boys and‘nem.
Then there’s the sexy lady in the grocery store who keeps staring and smiling at us until we approach her... only to find out she’s married. This of course makes us wonder, just how married is she? We also have to be aware of the needy chick. She will get fresh with us to make her man jealous. She wants something from him that doesn’t have anything to do with sex. Her flirting with us is merely a device to get him to fall in line. Hey, I’m here to tell you, we do not hate the players or the gam e, but men are hardening their hearts in preparation for those hypnotic, psychic powers women exude when they want their way.
A man will spend an astronomical amount of time trying to figure out the next move of an aggressive woman, hoping she wants to enjoy the same things from a relationship as he does. Women express them selves in subtle ways that are open to interpretation. We never can be too sure which interpretation is accurate and congruent with her goals or intentions. Nothing a good old-fashioned walk in the park wouldn’t cure, huh?
But it really depends on what the woman is feeling. A walk in the park could be like walking through the minefields of Iraq. You just never know when things are going to blow up. For these reasons, men are quite apprehensive about opening up and sharing their innermost feelings. Men adopt a defensive posture when it comes to love. If they’ve experienced the heartbreak and pain of rejection, marriage failure or loss of a good friend, they will try to protect their vulnerability by appearing to be strong and independent.
Just because a man doesn’t say he’s in love with you, doesn’t mean he isn’t. Love isn’t always peaches and cream, cuddly and sweet. To a man love is more action than emotions. Measure a man’s love for you by his sacrifices. If he gives up watching games with the fellas, takes off frequently from work to be with you; if he gives you the remote, lets you pick out the movies; if he submits to your request for errands and chores, he’s whipped. Men usually aren’t that selfless when it involves their time, space and freedom. My experiences have given me many opportunities to dissect and inspect human thoughts and sensitivities. Men naturally assume a posture of calm, whereas women seem to be more expressive. For that reason, I’m not sure if women have a clue as to how strong and overwhelming a man’s sex drive can be. It actually consumes a great deal of our physical, emotional and mental capacity.
I think some of the issues surrounding the way we see love come from this fundamental difference: Women actually love the man, while, in a lot of cases, men love the way a woman makes him feel. If he tells you he loves you during sex, that’s just what he means; and that’ll be enough to keep him. Love is what you make it, so don’t sit around and wait for it to hit you like a surge from a good drug. I submit to you: love is just as much about our actions as it is about the person. And for that reason, a man fears he won’t be good enough, as he tries to top his last performance. Ladies, if you want to keep love on the high note, show enthusiasm, show him you really want him, that you crave him with eager anticipation. He’ll do what he has to do to make sure his equipment works, so that he will continue to keeping your fire burning!
Ask yourself, “What sacrifices would you be willing to make in order to have the man of your dreams?” Would it be important to have a very talkative man? Or could you give up the affable, gregarious side of him? How about your fashions, or the big fancy house, or children? Can you live without a brand-new car? Or are you the type who has to have it all? Some of you are reading this and probably thinking, “I want a man who can give me all of this because that’s what I deserve.” And you’re probably right. But you also should know that this kind of pressure on a man is what contributes to dousing the flames of love or cause a man to stop trying to live up to this expectation or standard.
Brothers are trying to put love on layaway, and some are saving for love right now. Reality is this... some brothers would rather spend money buying some of the best love there is... the kind we can call our own. I’m sure that statement won’t win any popularity contests, but let me put one more thing on your mind. It takes a fool to learn that love don’t love nobody. Now then, the next time you scan your computer looking for a dating site, someone to talk to who is funny and bright, a person who can take you to ecstasies and new heights, you must clearly understand the source of your plight.
Keep in mind that men are looking as well. Assisting a woman with the production of a sexual climax is one of the most exhilarating, uplifting, powerful experiences known to man. If the man exercises good timing, both of you can go for a blast! It’s like being on Apollo 13 heading to the moon... what a lift! When you do it with someone you really care for, now that’s love baby. The dues a man will pay for love are astronomical, placing the woman in debt with him quite rapidly because men pay to receive; coloring the debts the woman incurs as fair. In all fairness, most guys, if presented with an opportunity to just have sex or the chance to meet the love of their life, would choose to meet the love of their life. That said, the true measurement of a man’s love is expressed by how he loves, protects, educates and raises his children. I am talking about the storge kind of love, which refers to familial love, the kind you can reach out and touch, not just an inner feeling. (I explain more about the various types of love in Chapter 14.) A woman can take credit for influencing a man’s love, but where his offspring are concerned, he’ll be responsible for influencing them.
There are bad, good, better and best times to come into a man’s life, and he may not even know when those times are. Weakened by your influence, he may let you in any old time. There’s also such a thing as investing in one’s potential, you’ll have to weigh out the pluses and minuses on your own. We all want somebody to love and when we find somebody to love, we must take our time with them. Men want to know you want them for who they are and not for the lifestyle. What really endures as couples get older is not sex or love, but friendship. That’s not to say we don’t care about sex when we’re older. We want you to get yours for as long as possible! However, the man has more control of himself when he practices lovemaking with regularity. Men understand there are different stimulation techniques that vary from female to female. The main objective is to please you in any way; therefore, most men are open to suggestions if it will assist you in reaching the height of orgasm.
Here are some of the things you might want to consider in your quest to achieve equal opportunity lovemaking: desire, foreplay, moisture, protection, pressure, weight, scent, sounds, lighting, location, speed and mutual timing. When partners coordinate these elements of personal comfort, they can successfully reach the formula of variables that turn sex into lovemaking.
I was once told by a young lady, during one of my book review social gatherings, what she believed were the proper steps to keep a man from straying. She insisted that all a woman has to do is orally satisfy her man and he won’t leave you. Now granted, I’m in no position to argue with the woman