years before the cancer diagnosis. (I now realize that the mucous was a sign of chronic inflammation, which no one mentioned.) He put me on a treatment plan, which included the herb Pau de Arco. I had to sprinkle the herbal remedy on my salads every day.
The mucous kept getting worse on that herb, but I decided to stay with it and give the remedy a chance. After one month on this powerful herb, a friend and I walked the boardwalk at the Jersey shore. I could not walk very far without having difficulty breathing. I used my spray at least once an hour. In serious trouble, I just needed to get home. Right then I decided to stop the herbal treatment because it was doing me more harm than good. But, I knew something was wrong with my body, and I had to get to the bottom of it.
All the drug-free approaches I had tried to get my body healthy were not eliminating the excessive yellow mucous in my lungs. However, I never had to go on a steroid spray. Acupuncture, chiropractic adjustments, diet, supplements and Nambudripad’s Allergy Elimination Techniques (NAET) (an acupuncture protocol) seemed to be having some effect on my lungs. Using the non-steroid asthma spray three times a day kept me breathing. However, my body was still in trouble.
Three weeks after moving to California, I went to a local acupuncturist to help clear my lungs of the yellow mucous and improve the asthma. With no one to ask for a recommendation, I checked names and pictures in the yellow pages of the phone book. I used a pendulum to help me pick the right doctor. I held the crystal pendulum by a thin chain between my thumb and index fingers. If the pendulum rotated in a clockwise direction over the doctor’s name or picture, that meant yes. If it rotated counter-clockwise that was a no. The pendulum spun the fastest in a clockwise direction over Dr. Xie’s picture, an elderly Chinese gentleman. (He was the acupuncturist who helped me get through the shock of the diagnosis and continued to be a great support throughout my cancer journey.)
When he inserted needles and twisted them, I felt pain, but he would just smile and keep going. He was aggressive, but really good. I began to feel better and my breathing started improving. (The excessive yellow mucous in my lungs eventually stopped being a health challenge after the mastectomy and my immune boosting treatment in Nevada.)
Medical Warning Signs
Two or three years before diagnosis, I had to have my left breast radiated about three times in one mammogram screening. Feeling annoyed that I had been detained, I sat in a confined area waiting for the technician to return with the verdict. Anxiety and agitation set in. She finally returned and told me everything was okay. What a relief. I was home free—or so I thought. When I looked at the x-ray she showed me, I could see the left breast had streaks of light going through it, but I thought that was a good thing. I told myself that perhaps more subtle healing energy was moving through my breast. (Today there is evidence that excessive radiation from mammography screening may lead to breast cancer.) Something was going on in that breast, but did I take it as a warning sign? No. I did not want to stop taking those hormones!
Around that time, my gynecologist told me I had a 50-50 chance of getting breast cancer. My hormone protocol continued my menstrual cycle, which also raised the risk factor. I used an estrogen patch and natural oral progesterone. I told myself the closer I stayed with my natural hormone cycle, the better off I would be. I denied what the research was saying and told my doctor that I would take my chances. There was another important issue to consider. I doubted that I could take small doses of progesterone every day, which was the alternative hormone protocol at the time. I noticed that when I took the progesterone orally for ten or fourteen days each month, my asthma got worse. For me, taking the progesterone orally increased the amount of mucous in my lungs. To avoid any change, I did not address the important progesterone issue with my doctor. (I was ignorant about the estrogen/progesterone issues for safe hormonal balancing and the risks associated with having an estrogen dominant body.) I really thought spirituality and positive attitude would save me. Unfortunately, pride went before my fall into breast cancer, but I still love and accept myself anyway.
Ambulance Crisis
About six months before my move to California, I had bronchitis and needed to take an antibiotic. The doctor prescribed Cipro. I could not remember whether this medication was a problem for me, but I gave it a try. I was too preoccupied with other things to give it much thought. Paul was living in California and I was living in our home in New Jersey, which wasn’t selling. One evening around 10:00 p.m., I began having shortness of breath right after taking the medication. It kept getting worse, and I was getting concerned, so I called 911. When I spoke to the gentleman on the phone, I told him that I did not know whether I needed to go to the hospital, but that I was having trouble breathing. He could hear that I could hardly breathe and speak. After assessing the situation, he said they would send an ambulance, and I told him, “Please do not have the ambulance come to my home with the sirens blaring.” I did not want to wake up my quiet neighborhood, but I was living alone and there was no family member or friend close by to take me to the hospital. I do like to feel in charge—a strength and a weakness.
When the medics arrived, they checked my breathing and without my knowledge called the hospital ambulance (…so much for not wanting to make a scene). There were two ambulances in the street when I walked out of the house and five men stood by to help me. I went into the hospital ambulance, and the local ambulance followed. A short while in the ambulance I was gasping for breath and starting to panic. The medic immediately hooked me up to an IV with Benadryl, and my breathing began to stabilize. By the time I arrived at the hospital, my breathing was normal. Here I was in a lifethreatening situation, six months before my cancer diagnosis. I knew even then that my body was trying to tell me something; I only wish I had known what it was, but I did not have a clue at that time. I just remember waking up at night sometimes with a feeling that something wasn’t right.
Grace to the Rescue
As I look back over the several years and months before my cancer diagnosis, I see signs that something very serious was wrong with my body. Did I contribute to getting breast cancer? The answer I tell myself is yes and no. Could I have done more to protect my body from contracting this disease? I believe I could. (My ignorance about what causes breast cancer had severe consequences.) Was it my destiny to have breast cancer so I could achieve optimal health and help other people? (I am now off daily asthma medicine.) I believe that is possible too. I cannot know exactly why something shows up in my life. I just know that my body, soul and life are constantly guiding me toward living my greatest good. Acceptance and grace light the way.
I have learned to be naturally curious in order to understand the messages that life is sending my way. No longer do I anxiously strive to know and control the future. I just allow the clues to come to me easily in a relaxed state of open awareness; and hopefully, I get the message, most of the time.
In addition, I have more love and acceptance toward myself even when I make mistakes. I take responsibility for the life I am creating. True responsibility means I am able to respond to any situation that is placed at my feet without blame and condemnation. I am willing to ask myself the difficult questions to get to truth. I have found that grace enters when I am in a state of acceptance. I did not resist cancer or blame my body, my God or myself. Perhaps that is how grace became my constant companion throughout my breast cancer adventure. I was guided through the jungle of treatment possibilities, made choices and came up with a healing plan that felt right for me.
What the Expert Says...
The Gift of Grace
by Sandra Miniere
Author of A Lighter Side to Cancer:
From Wake-Up Call to Radiant Wellness
Paul Tillich in his “You Are Accepted” essay describes grace as a light that breaks through our inner darkness and reminds us that we are accepted by that which is greater than ourselves. At those times we should not ask questions or do anything, just allow this divine acceptance to unite us with ourselves, others, life and God.
Grace brings divine unconditional love into our souls and lives. It operates behind the scenes until we awaken to the oneness and gifts it offers. Grace intercedes when we are open and