Take Control of Life’s Crises Today!
A practical guide
by
Robert Haynes, PhD
Copyright 2014 Robert Haynes, PhD
All rights reserved.
Published in eBook format by eBookIt.com
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ISBN-13: 978-1-4566-2320-3
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
ROBERT HAYNES, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, author, and producer of psychology video programs for Borderline Productions. He has worked in the agency setting, taught at the university level, and provided individual and relationship therapy in private practice.
Bob’s life experience has taught him much about the human condition, about crises in our lives, and about how we can better handle those crises. The topic of stress and crisis management has been a focal point in Bob’s professional career.
•He led stress debriefings for 10 years, helping staff cope with a variety of crises from patient assaults and suicide to employee murder.
•He taught Stress Management workshops for more than 20 years.
Bob has co-authored two editions of Clinical Supervision in the Helping Professions: A Practical Guide, which is used as a professional resource and a textbook in psychology and counseling training programs. He has also written journal articles and co-authored manuals and workbooks to accompany psychology videos he produced for Brooks/Cole Cengage Learning on ethics, group therapy, integrative therapy, and personal development.
In his leisure time, Bob likes to camp, fish, bicycle, kayak, travel, and spend time with his grandchildren. He is married to Cheryl, who is a registered nurse and also a proud grandparent. They have two adult daughters, Crissa and Errin.
FOREWORD
Although most of us have experienced some crisis in our life or know someone who has, we do not like to think about the fact that one day we may be challenged to deal with a minor or major crisis. Many of us do not respond well to crises, either because we do not have the skills to effectively manage these crises or because we only think about what we should have done once the crisis is over. The bottom line is that preparation for meeting crises can make a crucial, if not life-saving, difference.
Typically we do not choose crisis events that occur in our lives, but we do have choices about how we respond and cope with crises. Bob draws on years of experience as a clinical psychologist, as well as his personal experiences and the life experiences of others, to provide you with basic knowledge and skills you can apply in dealing with the unexpected events of daily life. In this timely book, Take Control of Life’s Crises Today!, Bob invites you to apply each chapter to your own life to better understand how to manage your life’s crises. Many personal stories enrich this book and provide lessons we all can learn from. Bob’s goals are to assist you in learning more about your own style of crisis management, to help you develop a system for more effectively coping with crises, and to help you prepare to effectively handle any future crises that may come your way.
A number of features of this book make it unique and valuable both for laypeople and for mental health professionals. You will learn how to assess your current ability to cope with crises. Bob provides a self-assessment tool to help you refine your conclusions. How did you experience the crisis? How well did you resolve it? And most important, how can you become more effective in future crisis situations? Bob describes specific steps for preparing for a crisis cognitively, emotionally, and behaviorally. Although we often do not have control over the crises that come our way, our self-talk has a great deal to do with how these crises affect us. It may not be possible to change events, but we can change how we perceive these events and how we react to them. With Bob’s guidance and encouragement, you will learn how to respond positively to what is under your control.
In today’s world, crises are occurring with ever-increasing frequency, and you will find many recent examples in these pages. Do you think you are too busy to spend time preparing for something that may happen in the future? Do you think you will somehow magically know the right actions to take when you find yourself in the chaos of a personal crisis? Bob would strongly disagree. We do not get better at something if we never practice our skills. Even minimal preparation and reflection on what you might do when faced with a crisis can help you act more effectively in a crisis. Bob sets out step-by-step guidelines for handling both minor and major crises. The numerous case examples show both effective and ineffective ways people have coped with crises, and these illustrations offer excellent material for self-reflection. You can gain foresight by analyzing others’ hindsight.
The discussion of resilience is invaluable. Your ability to recover from a bleak situation, to learn from it, and to garner courage in moving forward is a skill just like any other. You will also learn that effective self-care is a buffer against the stress of a crisis.
Three chapters speak to specific audiences. Chapter 7, for parents, provides unique information to help parents understand how their children react to a crisis and the ways it might affect them. It also offers a blueprint for parents in helping their children become better prepared to handle crises throughout their lives as they become mature and resilient individuals. Chapter 8, for teachers, acknowledges the serious responsibility teachers have to keep our children safe and secure. It is loaded with practical tips for improving planning and teamwork in the school setting. Finally, Chapter 9, for first responders, takes a look at the unique stresses that affect those who are first on the scene to help all of us whenever a disaster occurs.
Although this book is easy to read and personal, it contains a serious message about concerns common to us all. You can improve the way you deal with life’s crises. Take Control of Life’s Crises Today! will get you thinking about how you can prepare for your next crisis.
Marianne Schneider Corey, MA
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Consultant
Gerald Corey, EdD, ABPP
Professor Emeritus, Human Services and Counseling
California State University, Fullerton
PREFACE
I pondered the topic of preparing for crises as I conducted therapy, trained psychology interns, taught various classes and workshops, and led debriefing sessions. Why do some people seem to know just what to do? And how did they mentally prepare for events so full of emotion and uncertainty? Several years ago I experienced a serious health crisis. As I reviewed my reactions, thoughts, and emotions, I felt I did very poorly in that stressful situation. I soon began to wonder how I could have handled it more effectively. This notion became a focal point for me, and a month after that experience I began to write this book. You will read about my personal experiences with a range of crises, and examine my successes as well as my failures. I have learned much over the years, and I continue to learn more every day that I can apply to handling crises. My goal in writing this book is to pass that knowledge and experience on to you. I believe we can all benefit from taking a proactive stance and improving our crisis readiness.
Today, more so than at any time in recent history, taking control of crises in your life is critical to living successfully. Financial difficulties, foreclosures, job loss, superstorms, raising kids, school shootings, kids on drugs, road rage, long lines at the supermarket, and fast-paced living are crises that we all may face. These crises may be large or small, a single event or an ongoing stressor. This book will help you develop a personalized plan and build on skills you already have to improve the way you respond in a