begin. If only I had a plan, and I knew how I would like to move ahead, I think I could do it.” But the longer he delays, the bigger this task becomes. Could we define this as a crisis? It is a crisis for him because he is feeling stressed by this seemingly insignificant yet foreboding task.
Maybe you have been laid off from your job, a situation not uncommon in recent times. Or if you haven’t, what would it be like if you were in that position? You have a family who depends on you for the financial support of housing and food. What would it be like to deal with the bank about foreclosure and to have to face the grim possibility of becoming homeless with your family? What would you do? What would those emotions be like for you? Many folks have faced this in recent years—some survive and make it, and others don’t. Why? Is it luck? Does it take courage? Intelligence? What is the key to their success in times of trouble?
The Best Predictor of Future Behavior Is Past Behavior
“The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.” This idea has served me well professionally over the years. I think it describes precisely what we each need to know about how we handle crises—how you have handled crises in the past, both minor and major, is most likely the best predictor of how you will handle crises in the future. First you need to obtain a baseline on how you do in a crisis—what your thoughts about the situation are, how you react emotionally, and how that affects your performance in responding. Assessing how you have been able to pull together and problem solve a crisis will help you identify your current abilities and help you devise a plan to improve your crisis handling abilities.
Practice is the key to improving your crisis management skills, just like practice in driving a car is really what makes you a good driver. “But how can I practice for a crisis?” you might ask. Life is full of daily situations we can use as our practice field—from dealing with the kids, to paying the bills on a limited budget, or sitting through gridlock on your daily commute to work. Although these situations may seem insignificant, we can use them as our practice field and begin to prepare to handle the larger crises, as well as minor ones, that life hands us.
If you practice crisis management through the activities suggested in the following chapters, you will be better able to handle nearly any crisis that comes along. You will be less stressed and anxious about those situations, and the result will be a more positive outcome for all involved. Have fun with this book, try to see the humor in the situations you may have mishandled, and be open to learning new ways to manage your life and your crises in a manner that will help you become more resilient, competent, and successful in your personal life.
CHAPTER TWO
How People Respond in a Crisis
Think for a few minutes about a crisis you have experienced in your life. How did you react? Were you able to remain calm and think clearly about the steps you needed to take? Was your response effective and systematic, or were your thoughts in a jumble and your actions disorganized with tasks being started and then abandoned? Did you freeze, or panic and feel as though you were “coming apart at the seams”?
How you have reacted in the past provides a benchmark for what you are likely to do in future crises. Hall of Fame Pro Football star Michael Irvin said he tries to live by his late father’s philosophy that “Greatness lies in your ability to overcome.” What about you? Are you able to overcome in the face of adversity—in the midst of a crisis?
How I Foolishly Crashed My Trailer
It was an idyllic setting—a camping spot nestled in the Jeffrey Pines not more than 10 feet from the creek. The late snowfall had resulted in an unusually high runoff in all the rivers and creeks, and this particular creek was no exception. It offered good fishing and soothing sounds—no sleep-aid sound machine needed! What a peaceful, fun vacation.
As we were getting ready to leave, friends gathered to help us hook up our fifth-wheel trailer and to bid us farewell. It was, quite frankly, a tight spot to get out of, and I was nervous about how it would go. I was also slightly distracted from my normal routine due to chatting and joking with friends. My wife and I had performed this routine at least 1,000 times in over 100,000 miles of towing a trailer without incident. I signaled Cheryl to pull the truck and trailer forward so we could complete the job and heard a loud scraping noise and then another loud clunk and crash in sequence.
The campground fell silent! In disbelief, I watched the front of the trailer crash down on the truck’s rear fenders, which now looked something like crumpled tissue paper. “Holy cow, what happened?” I thought. “How could that be?” I froze as did everyone else. Dozens of thoughts raced through my head in a matter of seconds: What caused that? What did I forget? Is the trailer ruined? Maybe the truck is too! How will we get home? Oh my gosh, is someone under the trailer? The human brain is like a computer trying to analyze and process what it is observing.
Then our calm, level-headed friend Bill said, “You’re alright. Let’s just get the trailer jacked up off the truck.” That was the direction I needed. Finally, I could feel myself begin to think about my plan of action and how to proceed with this mess, but my response was slow because I kept thinking “What had I done wrong?” With Bill’s encouragement, I was able to put my plan in motion: stabilize the trailer with wheel chocks, lower the front landing legs, and raise the trailer off the truck. Eventually, we were able to reconnect the trailer to the truck hitch.
It was a sobering experience to say the least. I pride myself on being extremely cautious when it comes to trailer safety. I check and recheck everything ad nauseam. I told the camp manager, who is a former truck driver, that I check every time I hook up, but I had failed to check this one time. He replied with a wry smile on his face, “I guess this time you should have checked too.” Also, by now our small group of friends had grown to nearly 20 RVers who had come to view this fiasco.
No one was hurt, the trailer was undamaged, the truck got repaired, and Cheryl and I and our friends have new camping stories to tell. But in the first minutes following this accident, I had experienced shock and disbelief, anger at myself, questioned how this could have happened, felt a desire to just walk away and leave the whole darn thing, humiliation as the crowd of strangers grew, and finally some semblance of an action plan to recover from this crisis.
Reacting, recovering, and quickly developing and implementing an action plan can be difficult in a crisis. I realized I needed to practice how I might better handle such crises in the future. Specifically, I wanted to work on being less immobilized by questioning myself about what had happened and more able to quickly assess the situation and move to the action or problem-solving phase, just as Bill had done.
Life Is Full of All Kinds of Crises
Let’s think for a minute about the range of crises that we encounter in our lives. Can you imagine yourself in any of these scenarios?
•Erica has been unhappy in her marriage for years and has finally gathered the resolve to move out on her own with her three children. She knows it will be a financial and emotional struggle to make a comfortable life for herself and her children. She struggles with self-doubt—that nagging self-talk about whether this is the right thing to do—but moves ahead with her plan. She seems to experience two steps forward and one step back every day, but Erica is confident and happy for the first time in years.
•Josie’s husband died a month ago after a difficult year-long battle with cancer. She feels a sense of relief for her husband as this ended his suffering, but she doesn’t know where to go with her life now that her husband of 42 years has passed. Josie feels empty, sad, and lost without the responsibility of caring for her husband.
•Derrick can’t wait for tomorrow when he will finally marry Anita, the love of his life. Eight months of planning have led up to this day, and Derrick is thinking about what the wedding means to him. He is wondering—is Anita really the love of my life? What if I’m not ready for this commitment? Maybe we should have waited a few more months. It’s too late for these doubts now, and Derrick feels there is no turning back or he will disappoint Anita and their families and friends.
•Emily is 16 and feeling pressured by her boyfriend to have sex with him. She feels